Posts by soccersick

soccersick

Sep 25, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Computers have always been a key part of my life' CMU SUPPLEMENT [3]

So sorry posted the wrong draft of the essay--- this is my current work so far, again thanks for the help

Computers have always been a key part of my life. As kid my dad and I would often perform "operations" on my faithful companion Dell Dimension e310 or Dem-e for short. Being in the computer field himself, he knew the importance of not only utilizing the many devices many we take for granted but also the abundant number of perks they can provide if one knew how to successfully control them. I would often return from the electron riddled ground of the computer, dust covered and full of excitement. The rush of new knowledge and exciting discoveries always seemed to steal me away from reality, so much so that I would often lose hours in the maze of wires and circuits. Following countless fruitful excursions into the depths of Dem-e, I soon came to the point where my trips could no longer satisfy my hunger for knowledge, I needed to know more. After exhausting all of the possible learning opportunities in the hardware of my inanimate yet very effective guide, I finally decided to survey the more revered of the two halves, the software. Once I began to study the software and visual interface side of Dem-e, I quickly became conscious of the wondrous world which had previously evaded me by mare clicks of a mouse. The device which I initially thought of as a tool to IM my friends, turned into a tool which could be manipulated for countless different situations. As the world began to develop and grow around me, more and more uses for computers have been found. The thought of contributing to the rapidly growing, immensely intriguing world of computers is what pushes me to study computer engineering and master what they have to offer.

Carnegie Mellon in my mind is surly the best choice I could have in order to pursue a career in computer engineering. The Electrical and Computer Engineering Program in the Carnegie Institute of Technology seems to be a great fit for me. Despite its well known reverence among its collegiate rivals for academic excellence, its extensive list of extracurricular activities and its wonderful campus, the part of the CIT that I look forward experiencing the most is its vast array of enriching science, mathematics and humanities courses taught by teacher who are experts in their respected fields. Along with the amazing opportunities CIT offers within the confines of the classrooms it also offers many opportunities for development outside of class in the form of plentiful research opportunities. With the overwhelming statistic of ever 80% of undergraduates participate in research opportunities and the support that is given for those who which to conduct projects of their own CIT presents a real opportunity for an undergraduate to obtain invaluable experience in the field of their choice before they graduate. Lastly, CIT's ability to create a well rounded student will provide me with the ability to not only allow me to thrive in to Computer Engineering world but also allow me to seamlessly cooperate and convey my message with those in different fields.

soccersick

Sep 24, 2012

Undergraduate / Discussion on positive and negative effect of advertising -feedback [6]

debate without any foreseeable conclusion ~~in the near future~~ --- its kind of redundant to say in the future it is stated foreseeable

the others said pretty much everything

good luck =)

soccersick

Sep 24, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Computers have always been a key part of my life' CMU SUPPLEMENT [3]

Not finished yet but i was hoping if i could get some feedback so far

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

Computers have always been a key part of my life. As kid my dad often forced me to perform "operations" on my faithful companion Dell Dimension e310 or Dem-e for short. Being in the computer field himself, he knew the importance of not only utilizing the many devices many us take for granted but also the abundant number of perks they can provide if one knew how to control them. Although I knew of these benefits, the excursions into the insides of Dem-e often proved to be revolutionary. I would often return from the electron riddles floor of the computer, dust covered and full of excitement, the rush of removing and replacing parts, building and remodeling all seemed to overtake me, so much so that I would often lose hours lost in the maze of wires and circuits. Soon everything about the insides of Del-e became common knowledge; everything from the maximum voltage to the type of hard disk was imbedded in my brain never to be forgotten. After mastering the functions of every piece of hardware inside Dem-e, I finally thought it time to explore its thoughts and mind. When I moved to the software and visual interface, I found a whole new world that had previously evaded me by mare clicks. The device which I initially thought of as a tool to IM my friends, turned into a tool which could be manipulated for countless different situations. As the world begins to expand and grow more and more uses for computers will be found. The thought of contributing to the rapidly growing, immensely intriguing world of computers is what pushes me to study computer engineering and master what it has to offer.

Carnegie Mellon in my mind is surly the best choice I could possibly have in order to peruse a career in computer engineering. The Electrical and Computer Engineering Program in the Carnegie Institute of Technology seems to be a great fit for me. Despite its well known reverence among its college rivals for academic excellence, its extensive list of extracurricular activities and its wonderful campus, the part of the CIT that I personally look forward experiencing the most is its vast array of enriching science, mathematics and humanities courses taught by teacher who are experts in their respected fields. Along with the amazing opportunities CIT offers within the confines of the classrooms it also offers many opportunities for development outside of class in the form of plentiful research opportunities. With the overwhelming statistic of ever 80% of undergraduate students participate in research opportunities and the support that is given for those who which to conduct projects of their own CIT presents a real opportunity for an undergraduate student to obtain invaluable experience in the field of their choice before they graduate. Lastly, CIT's ability to create a well rounded student will provide me with the ability to not only allow me to thrive in to Computer Engineering world but also allow me to seamlessly cooperate and convey my message with those in different fields.

`

soccersick

Sep 24, 2012

Undergraduate / UNC Chapel Hill. When you changed your mind about something that mattered to you? [9]

my thoughts and make of what just happened. --- that statement is sort of awkward , hard maybe change out make of for another word.

Seeing that I was struggling to recover---- maybe change seeing to a more descriptive word seeing is kind of plain

for my future career, ~~which was not in boxing~~ not really a necessary statement in my opinion

good essay over all just need to make a few changes here and there

Good Luck =) and i would appreciate it if you did mine also

soccersick

Sep 24, 2012

Writing Feedback / 'Dieting - a billion dollar market' - ielts [5]

Many find it very hard to control their tastebuds.
I belieive it would be better for this sentence if you were to combine it with the previous one , maybe with a comma or a semicolon

people spend millions to spend (shed) those extra few pounds around their waist.

other than that there are a few errors here and there, and Susan has stated a couple of those.

Good Luck =D

soccersick

Sep 24, 2012

Undergraduate / 'In order to change the views of the world I must rise higher and do greater things' [2]

Very rough Draft still needs some work i think

Five decades after the civil rights movement it would seem that the battle to be regarded as equals is still on all for those of African descent. When most people think of "black" people the first thing that most likely pops into their mind is sports. Plain and simple, there is no way around it; black people are often associated with. With this dominance comes recognition, and with the recognition comes a hunger to imitate, this hunger is what is crippling those of African descent and also dictating the light in which they are viewed by the rest of the U.S.

Over my life I have received countless backhanded, stereotypical compliments such as "For a black person you're kind of smart." These compliments, although seemingly harmless by those who give them, have slowly but evidently made a very positive impression on me. Yes, I would be telling a lie if I were to say that the backhanded praises did not bother me in the beginning, but I began to take in the words and decided to make an effort to change the minds of those who carelessly judged only by their media informants. I was convinced that if I were to continue excelling and producing results rivaling to those of even the strongest students in the grade then I would no longer be subjected to being the butt end of a "joke", which seemingly only I was aware, no longer would the cruel plague of the stereotypical crap which people had come to perceive as fact haunt me, I was a man who would be thought of as an equal from the beginning, a now clear misconception on my part.

We began the first day of Team Sports class with 6 team captains who were to select the teams for the week. Although nobody whom I was really familiar with stood at the helm, I still felt confident that I would be chosen fairly quickly due to my prowess at that particular sport. This was not the case, but I really didn't mind, as I strode to my team I jokingly said to my captain "What a Steal" he then responded to me "I would've picked you sooner but you're smarter than most black people and that had to be taken away from somewhere."As my team laughed in amusement, I stared at them in disbelief, was he implying that black people only had a certain amount of potential which had to be translated from one side of the spectrum, academics to the other, athletics. After this event it became clear to me that high school was not the right frontier to make my mark. In order to change the views of the world I must rise higher and do greater things, college is another step that I need to climb in order to achieve my goal, I am eager to bring my standards, goals and enthusiasm to "COLLEGE", and in turn gain what I know will be invaluable experiences.