Undergraduate / Overcome a dissapointment essay [4]

Hello everyone, this is essay 2 of my admissions essay I have a couple of questions

Does this answer the prompt?

What can you tell about me from just this writing?

What parts need more elaboration/details?

Thanks!

I have had my share of blissful moments and disappointment in my life; and one key truth stands out from all of them: ultimately everything that I have succeeded or failed in was a direct result of my efforts and focus. One of the biggest changes in my life was during the summer after graduating from high school. I was planning to attend UVa in the fall and felt excited but also a little scared of what to expect.

I have always been out of shape in high school; I didn't exercise or care too much about what I ate, and I didn't really care until I got older. I enjoyed spending my time playing video games and playing piano. After four years of this sedentary lifestyle, I became really overweight. I couldn't run very far without having to stop and catch my breath, and often felt depressed whenever I looked at myself in the mirror. I was disappointed in how I was treating my body, my only physical apparatus in this world. During the summer before coming to UVa, I finally had enough of being disappointed in myself, and decided to take action. I made it a priority in my life to wake up early and run a couple of miles every day, to take kickboxing classes and to cut out sodas and junk food. It felt impossible but I had to give it a good effort. The first week was absolutely painful, from the running and the hunger pangs. I dreaded waking up knowing my legs have to jog a mile, and that later I had to ride the metro to get to the kickboxing class. But I stuck with my goal, and every week that passed by, the experience soon became routine. Before I knew it, I looked like a completely different person. I no longer felt disappointed, I always felt full of energy and was proud of what I had accomplished. At the end of just two months I had lost a total of 50lbs, and I looked and felt great. My decision to take control of my physical aspect of my life was very noticeable to my friends, instilling a sense of confidence I never experienced before.

Ever since this experience I have always incorporated some time at the gym in my weekly schedule. If I wasn't so strongly disappointed in myself at first, I would've never had the motivation to continue pushing through, and that's what life is really about, pushing through your problems. I failed many times before but it was here I learned that you must fail your way to success.

Undergraduate / What have you gained from the activities and experiences listed in Part VI, you'll use in McIntire? [8]

Hello everyone and thank you for your help, this forum is truly one of a kind. This is one of the essays I am required to write and would absolutely be indebted to you if you took the time to read it and critique the content.

Does it answer the question being asked?
Am I clear on my descriptions?
Is my tone appropriate?

Thanks!

-Harry

What have you gained from the activities and experiences listed in Part VI that will help you contribute to the overall experience of fellow McIntire students?

I always believed that competition brings out the best in us, a natural motivator. Throughout all of my life, I have been competing one way or another for the prize, such as piano concerts or admissions; however, this belief changed during the summer of 2008, when I received my first full-time job at Xceed Technologies, Inc.

It was my first time working in a professional environment and I was proud of my little cubicle on the corner. I wanted to assure to my employer that he made the right decision. My job was to work with Anwar, the software testing engineer, and write testing scripts for their product.

"Take a week or two and learn the basics, let me know if you need anything" he said and left me alone to tinker with the scripts. The scripts were surprisingly easy to understand thanks to computer science courses and felt that a week or two should've been more like a day or two. I got a sense that they really didn't expect much from me; I didn't want to be just another unproductive intern. After a few hours of analyzing his scripts and reading the help tutorial, I realized a much more efficient way to complete the same tasks, using the concept of loops I learned in computer science. "I'll show him,!" I thought to myself as I typed up the more efficient versions of his scripts. Surely enough he was surprised when I showed him my finished work. I was quickly given another task and this loop repeated itself for days. I was foolish to be competing with Anwar. I realized that no matter how fast I complete my assignments, I wasn't really getting anywhere. This was when I decided to stop trying to tirelessly prove myself and actually try to understand what Anwar's main problems were and how I could help him. I decided to work under the spirit of cooperation rather than competition and this was a turning point in my internship.

This was when I found out that the scripts were only a small part to the big picture. Opportunities opened and more challenging tasks were assigned to me. I eventually got to meet the CEO and other officers of the company, and was even given assignments directly from them. Anwar put in a good word for me.

I learned that so much more work gets done with the spirit of cooperation rather that of competition. There are many classes that encourage cooperation but sadly too many classes separate the students from working together. The commerce school is no exception and I look forward to working together with other aspiring leaders.