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Posts by isabelbalitaUC
Joined: Oct 15, 2012
Last Post: Nov 25, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  

From: United States

Displayed posts: 5
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isabelbalitaUC   
Nov 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Dream the impossible dream; "Low Income family" [6]

For the sentence "Seeking to pursuit my future" did you mean to say, "Seeking to pursue my future" ? I'm a little bit confused by that sentence. Overall I feel like the topic of your essay is, although common, is effective in answering the prompt. I think you should provide more examples of how your environment affects you, instead of describing each situation in depth..
isabelbalitaUC   
Oct 22, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Unique academics and community service' - UC-Prompt 1 (Story to tell) [2]

Topic-wise, your essay has been done by many others. If I changed the name printed on your app, I could be talking about myself. Immigrating to another country, financial issues during childhood, a rickety home, its all very similar.

From your essay I can tell that your a very knowledgeable and educated person. Your diction is well-used and executed. However, your personal statement lacks the "personal" part. Don't get me wrong, I can very much sympathize with your difficulties. However, seeing that there is about 100,000 applicants every year for each UC, certain topics are very much overused. Therefore, your whole story depends on how you tell it .

Your use of high-level, sat-worthy vocabulary is impressive but it might come off as pretentious to admission officers. Is that honestly how you speak in real life? If it is then good for you, but I would avoid it on the personal statement. Your essay is very well organized but it lacks focus. I understand that there are many things you want to say to make sure that the people reading your essay can get a good idea of who you are. However, instead of trying to put every aspect of your life on paper, talk about one thing that really sums up how you want to be seen and just run with it.

However, if your like me and you want them to know as much as they can about yourself, at least try to make the transitions between your life at home, school, and community service flow better.

Always remember that you are trying to tell a story, try to captivate the reader and not make it sound like your just throwing random facts out. I am also a uc applicant and I've written this way and was told by many teachers, college counselors, and previous graduates that I sounded "cocky." Many of them say that in the effort to impress, we lose the aspects of being genuine and honest.

Anyways, good luck with your essay. You're a really good writer and I can tell that you must have impressed many of your English teachers, but try to be more personal in your essay.
isabelbalitaUC   
Oct 15, 2012
Undergraduate / "SIPA: Home Away from Home" UC Personal Statement #1 Response [3]

This is just a rough draft I wrote for the freshman admission personal statement (describe the world you come from blah blah..) . Please write any suggestions, opinions, mistakes to fix, or changes I should make. Also, tell me if my topic is good or not direct or focus enough. Thank you so much in advance ! I appreciate any comment or help.

Personal Statement #1

To many, home might be a house or apartment that they've lived in all their lives. Their memories are etched on the walls, and rooms of their house. For me, home was never just one place and in a lot of ways it was neither a house nor apartment nor room that we lived in. When my parents and I immigrated to the US, we lived with a variety of family friends. We slept in the living room of their apartments or even in their son's small bedroom. Although they were places that I lived in, I never really considered them to be my "home. "

Immigrating to America was a difficult transition for my parents and especially for me. In the Philippines, I was surrounded by countless aunts, uncles and cousins. I was accustomed to a life of being showered with familial love and the security of knowing that they were always nearby. In America, my family did not have this kind of stability. Needless to say, my first impression of the US was cold, distant, and unfamiliar. I was being forced to accept this strange, new place as my "home." Consequently, I rebelled against this notion and my attitude became very stubborn and disrespectful towards my parents. I was a child and did not understand the opportunities and advantages that my parents were trying to convince me was in America. School became an overwhelming environment to be in. I was thrust upon a place that was so foreign to me, making it difficult to make friends with kids of different cultures and customs. I was not fluent in English and learning it was difficult. It only exemplified my feelings of being unsuited for America.

It was in this period of time that my parents introduced me to an after school program called, SIPA. It stands for "Search to Involve Pilipino-Americans." Through this program I was able to become part of a community that shared my cultures and traditions. SIPA was not only for Filipino-Americans, they accepted a variety of young adults of various races into their program. Being surrounded by people of all different kinds of ethnicities, in a place that let us share our culture together taught me to become accepting of my new environment and to appreciate what it meant to live in America. It was in SIPA that I learned that I was not alone; that there were kids from every part of the world living in America who were going through the same difficulties as I was. Some of them were in a worst position. I realized that, despite the hardships of coming and living here, my parents had made the right decision. Although the melting pot of cultures was still a bit overwhelming, SIPA was my home away from home that helped me withstand the difficulties. It taught me to be embrace my new surroundings, while helping me uphold the values of being a Filipino. Although I am no longer part of this community, I live by these teachings everyday and hope to extend the morals and values I was taught to others and to use them avidly in my future.
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