Undergraduate / 'Successful dancer's performance' - NYU supplement "what intrigues you" [2]

the prompt is:What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

Honestly, is my essay silly??
The peacock dance has intrigued me for the first sight since I was five years old. To give a general view of the peacock dance, it is a popular traditional Chinese dancing style derived from the Dai minority. It features a feeling of graceful and tame. I was first attracted by the peacock dance and decided to learn simply because of the dazzling long broad skirts decorated with peacock feathers. However, after a few years of practice, I have discovered that the dance itself is a work of art, combining strong disciplines with free expression. In other words, I have to follow a fixed performing order while dancing but I could add flexible eye expression and free body motions. Only by balance well between disciplines and creation can a dancer produce a successful performance and the same rule can be applied to life. Under the test-oriented education for 17 years, I have developed a solid foundation of knowledge and a rigorous way of thinking and I am to explore more creative thinking in America in NYU to balance myself in my "peacock dance".