Jazzy13
Oct 19, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The lifter and yell' - I need Common App Critique [3]
First off KUDOS to you for the diction used in this essay. EXCELLENT! Your essay is well on it's way to your college admission...I KNOW IT! However, I do feel as if you give reference to God a little too often. In now way am I anti-Christ, however it is fairly distracting in terms of the real impact your experience had on you. Your numerous references to God come off as this being more of a spiritual experience and how you grew more in your relationship to God. You also might want to consider putting quotation marks in around "AHHHHHHH!" seeing as though its an onomatopoeia and they need to be distinguished as so.
BTW Please go and read one of my essays and comment as critical as you'd like!
First off KUDOS to you for the diction used in this essay. EXCELLENT! Your essay is well on it's way to your college admission...I KNOW IT! However, I do feel as if you give reference to God a little too often. In now way am I anti-Christ, however it is fairly distracting in terms of the real impact your experience had on you. Your numerous references to God come off as this being more of a spiritual experience and how you grew more in your relationship to God. You also might want to consider putting quotation marks in around "AHHHHHHH!" seeing as though its an onomatopoeia and they need to be distinguished as so.
BTW Please go and read one of my essays and comment as critical as you'd like!