Undergraduate / "Knowledge is the food of the soul." - my UF admissions [2]

You have good start but you use too many "to be" verbs and need to work on your word choice.
Good Luck!

Undergraduate / Help reviewing my main Common App essay [3]

Here is my updated version:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Deep breathe. Capo on the fourth fret. First D then F. Up. Down. Up. Down. Deep Breath. Sing. All of these thoughts raced through my head in the final seconds before my solo performance of "Hey There Delilah" during Battle of the Bands just a few months ago. My nerves started to get to me, but I was already up there and just needed to start playing. So one deep breath later, I started singing for well over a hundred people. Looking back on that moment, deciding to play in front of my peers and teachers was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

I have played guitar for almost ten years now and have always loved to sing too, but until last year, I had not had the nerves to perform in front of anyone other than family. When sign ups for Battle of the Bands were announced, I initially ignored it, but after a few days of hearing more about it, I decided to take a form. I held on to the form for a few days, doing nothing with it but contemplating whether or not I was capable of performing in front of a few hundred people. I knew I would regret not playing though, so I filled out the form and turned it is.

I only had about two weeks to prepare for my performance and even though I had already picked songs and knew how to play them, I needed to practice for a while. The chorus room and I became best friends the next few weeks and I found time during my hectic school schedule to rehearse my songs. I collected a few of friends to come and listen not only to give feedback on my song selection but also to start fighting an uphill battle against my nerves. Despite all the practice I had leading up to the performance, I was nervous beyond belief. My heart was pounding faster and harder than I had ever felt before in my life on that stage, but my risk would pay off in the end. After the last strum of my guitar and everyone clapped and cheered, each breath I took felt like ten pounds falling off my shoulders.

I am now comfortable sharing what I love to do, singing and playing guitar, with everyone. During the beginning of my senior year, I joined an a cappella group in order to improve my singing and work on becoming more relaxed while performing. Now that people knew I could sing, my friends and even some of the teachers pushed me to audition for the school musical and I now I am part of the cast and have gained a new family. Playing at battle of the bands opened innumerable doors and encouraged new passions in life. I bring my guitar to school almost every day, because any amount of free time I have during the day, I love to just sit down and play. Recently I have started writing my own music and playing my own music for other people is remarkably gratifying. Currently I am working to perform with two of my friends, who also sing but have never done so in front of a large crowd, in an assembly at school where we would play a few acoustic songs for the student body and faculty. Seeing as all three of us are nervous, we work to give one another the confidence to perform for such a large crowd.

Last year, I never would have imagined that I would be where I am right now. The risk I took made myself a better person by enhancing my confidence and belief in myself. I have learned countless things about myself and other people that are continuously shaping who I am today from everything I have done in the past few months. Music creates an outlet for all my stress and while I'm playing my guitar I'm calm. Not only that first performance at Battle of the Bands, but also every one after that has shaped who I am today and who I hope to be in the future.

Undergraduate / Harvard Supplement - Letter to Your Roommate [2]

Wow this essay is very well written! I like your chances for getting into Harvard.
Couple things I have to say:
Saying "brilliant things" sounds like your cheerleading and isn't really necessary.
Not a huge fan of "her final line stuck with me ever since", but Im not really sure what to say instead though

In the last paragraph you say "I'll", I don't know if it is bad to use contractions or not in a college essay but generally I stay away from them in my AP english classes, so probaly better just to say "I will"

Other than that, great essay. I would be awesome if you could check out mine too!

Undergraduate / 'Living live fighting one cause - animal protection' - college worthy? [4]

In the first paragraph, if you use the names of your pets after the first time you say dog and cat, it makes the essay a little more personal.

The animal with them helps them, and many of the animal are rescue animals, like my cat who had been abandon. This sentence especially is very vague with pronouns and could be worded better.

because By helping save their livrd instead of being a hunters prize I think you are trying to say. 'because I would be saving them from becoming a hunters prize."

Towards the end, you begin to repeat yourself a lot and sort of babble when you could say the same thing is shorter more condensed sentence.

Hope this helps!
Good luck!

Undergraduate / 'Sobering Comedy': What matters to you and why [2]

This essay is really good. The anecdote at the beginning with the joke at the end it a perfect way to start this out. Maybe you could aslo talk about another aspect of you life in which comedy helps you? If you choose something that is totally different, it could really help show the contrasts in your life.

Undergraduate / Help editing my essay for Duke Supplement Engineering [4]

Thank you so much! Here is what I have updated.

If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.

For the majority of my life, I have been told that I will become an engineer. My mom and my grandfather are both engineers and naturally have pushed their passion into my life. My grandfather always says things like " You have the mind of an engineer" and "I think we have a young engineer in the making here". I never disagreed with him because I enjoyed math and science so if that what a person becomes when they like math and science then that is what I will do. It was not until my junior year of high school that I realized that engineering encompassed much more than just math and science and becoming an engineer would be what I want to do with my life. My junior year was the second year I had been a part of the robotics team at my school and last year we set a goal of qualifying for the VEX World Championships. After working tirelessly for months we achieved our goal, and at that point there was no doubt in my mind there was anything else I wanted to do in college. Robotics gave me the chance to apply all of my knowledge of math and science in new and fascinating ways. I discovered robotics was more about problem solving and creative thinking rather than building or programming. My senior year I decided to take courses that would help reinforce my decision to pursue engineering such as AP Physics, Advanced Topics in Mathematics, Multivariable Calculus, and Introduction to Engineering.

As clichĂŠ as it may be, when I stepped on campus at Duke, I knew that it would be a place I would love to spend four years or more of my life. The beauty of the buildings and landscape along with the atmosphere of the people heavily influenced my decision to apply to Duke as my number one choice. After experiencing the campus through a tour of the University, the academics and college life offered by Duke were clearly extraordinary. Not only Duke's reputation as one of the top schools in the nation, but also from what I was able to see first hand while on campus helped me realize that at Duke I would be challenged and pushed to be the best student I can be. Some opportunities that stand out with the Pratt School of Engineering for are chances to pursue a minor or certificate in another area of interest, undergraduate research, and opportunities outside of the classroom such as study abroad, clubs, and design contests. Pratt also acts a perfect stepping stone into my future; with so many opportunities for jobs and research with the connections Duke has, choosing to study engineering at Duke becomes a easy decision. Duke's size offers the best of both for me worlds in the sense that I can receive the personal attention and recourses with smaller class sizes but also receive a feeling of a larger campus and student body with a distinguished sports program. Most importantly though, if I were fortunate enough to attend Duke I know it would be a place where I would be happy, successful, and proud with everything I am able to accomplish as Blue Devil.

Essays / How to write on someone who influenced me? - Princeton Essay Help [6]

I think a good way to start an essay about another person is to start in medias res. So start with a story or experience about this person whether or not you are in the story. This will help to catch the attention of the reader. Then in the second paragraph, start talking about who to person is and their importance on your life.

Undergraduate / Describe a meaningful experience: University of Florida Essay [2]

In your essay you use a lot of "to be" verbs like is. Try and stay away from those and use stronger action verbs in your sentenced. Saying "YLC ,through a week long program, teaches teenagers about their community and how to take initiative and make a difference " sounds much stronger than "YLC is a week long program that is meant to teach teenagers about their community and how to take initiative and make a difference ". The last sentence is especially weak.