Lemonsnout
Nov 19, 2012
Undergraduate / 'About peanuts and returning from the hospital' - SUNY Oswego personal narrative [2]
I wrote it really fast but I need critique on it so I can mail it in ASAP!
Autobiography essay
I couldn't breathe; on that fateful summer day I gave my parents the scare of their lives. My body hit the ground with a thud and slid across the floor like a rag doll. When I came too, I was in my bed, hearing an ambulance siren from the street below; My mother by my side. Almost immediately, I tried to diagnose my illness by taking a look at myself in the mirror. My bloated face, bloodshot eyes, and muttered speech were anything but good signs, and my repressed breathing made the situation even worse. I could hardly stand, a sharp pain in my chest was restricting my movement, and fueling an intense pain in my left knee. Feeling the tight pains in my chest, I took my asthma inhaler on the corner of the table and quickly used it - "puff, puff, puff!" as my mother helped me crawl back into bed and wait for the doctors to take me to the hospital. How did this happen? At 7 years old, I developed an allergic reaction to peanuts.
Personally, I loved peanuts, they were my favorite snack. My parents would buy dozens of bags a week full of the delectable sustenance; Then we'd smash it up and mix it into our favorite chocolate brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and cupcakes. My apartment always smelled of peanut butter sauce and almonds, and it became a treat for the nose every time I took a whiff. Going back 20 years, in their youth, my parents also used peanut recipes from their days in Africa to recreate all the exotic foods and dressings they made here, and introduced them to me when I was younger. It was a staple in this household to eat most of our meals with some form of peanut accessory, and I enjoyed every second. We lived, slept, and breathed peanuts, and it was an aspect of my life I could not let go easily.
After returning from the hospital, life at home changed dramatically. We had to remove all of those precious peanut-flavored delicacies from the kitchen cupboards, empty the fridge of all peanut-related foods, and literally replace most of our inventory with peanut-free foods. The resulting days and weeks after were unbearable to manage; as for the first time in my young life, I didn't eat peanuts of any kind. Even at school, things changed. At lunch time, I had to be segregated from the main section of lunch tables because they served Peanut Butter and Jelly daily. I could not speak to my friends on my only free period, and I was encouraged to refrain from interacting with them for a period or so after lunch; to avoid being exposed to what we would call: "peanut breath". For the remainder of the school year, I had to carry around an Epipen in case of an emergency.
I felt terrible; cut off, and lost. After spending a year without even a taste of my favorite peanut-flavored foods, I felt at my wits end; and yet, at the same time I felt that it was necessary to deal with this unfortunate turn of events and make a positive out of it (a change). So yeah, I couldn't eat peanuts anymore, but that doesn't mean I couldn't eat other nut related foods. It was an epiphany that struck rather quickly, the realization that despite my allergy to peanuts, I could sample other foods and make out an opinion towards which ones I preferred the most. I now had variety in my daily meals, and my unfortunate diagnosis of a peanut allergy helped me see that.
I wrote it really fast but I need critique on it so I can mail it in ASAP!
Autobiography essay
I couldn't breathe; on that fateful summer day I gave my parents the scare of their lives. My body hit the ground with a thud and slid across the floor like a rag doll. When I came too, I was in my bed, hearing an ambulance siren from the street below; My mother by my side. Almost immediately, I tried to diagnose my illness by taking a look at myself in the mirror. My bloated face, bloodshot eyes, and muttered speech were anything but good signs, and my repressed breathing made the situation even worse. I could hardly stand, a sharp pain in my chest was restricting my movement, and fueling an intense pain in my left knee. Feeling the tight pains in my chest, I took my asthma inhaler on the corner of the table and quickly used it - "puff, puff, puff!" as my mother helped me crawl back into bed and wait for the doctors to take me to the hospital. How did this happen? At 7 years old, I developed an allergic reaction to peanuts.
Personally, I loved peanuts, they were my favorite snack. My parents would buy dozens of bags a week full of the delectable sustenance; Then we'd smash it up and mix it into our favorite chocolate brownies, chocolate chip cookies, and cupcakes. My apartment always smelled of peanut butter sauce and almonds, and it became a treat for the nose every time I took a whiff. Going back 20 years, in their youth, my parents also used peanut recipes from their days in Africa to recreate all the exotic foods and dressings they made here, and introduced them to me when I was younger. It was a staple in this household to eat most of our meals with some form of peanut accessory, and I enjoyed every second. We lived, slept, and breathed peanuts, and it was an aspect of my life I could not let go easily.
After returning from the hospital, life at home changed dramatically. We had to remove all of those precious peanut-flavored delicacies from the kitchen cupboards, empty the fridge of all peanut-related foods, and literally replace most of our inventory with peanut-free foods. The resulting days and weeks after were unbearable to manage; as for the first time in my young life, I didn't eat peanuts of any kind. Even at school, things changed. At lunch time, I had to be segregated from the main section of lunch tables because they served Peanut Butter and Jelly daily. I could not speak to my friends on my only free period, and I was encouraged to refrain from interacting with them for a period or so after lunch; to avoid being exposed to what we would call: "peanut breath". For the remainder of the school year, I had to carry around an Epipen in case of an emergency.
I felt terrible; cut off, and lost. After spending a year without even a taste of my favorite peanut-flavored foods, I felt at my wits end; and yet, at the same time I felt that it was necessary to deal with this unfortunate turn of events and make a positive out of it (a change). So yeah, I couldn't eat peanuts anymore, but that doesn't mean I couldn't eat other nut related foods. It was an epiphany that struck rather quickly, the realization that despite my allergy to peanuts, I could sample other foods and make out an opinion towards which ones I preferred the most. I now had variety in my daily meals, and my unfortunate diagnosis of a peanut allergy helped me see that.
