Posts by pperotti [Suspended]
Joined: Oct 29, 2012 |
Last Post: Oct 31, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 4
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From: Brazil
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Displayed posts: 5
Undergraduate /
"All they wanted was a better life for you" ; The Dream, the Seed, and the Fruits. [7]
This is a really great essay. However I have to agree with mystictiger that the last paragraph is a little disconnected. You start talking about yourself as an individual, when you should highlight the influence your parents had on you to make you the individual you are.
Great work, just work a little more on it and it will be ready to go! Good luck.
Undergraduate /
Culinary Institute of America Essay: Who Influences You? [3]
Really good and well-written essay.
I'm just not sure about your first paragraph. Eventhough you make a good point, it seemed like you were despising "the person who most influenced your interest".
The rest of the essay is good, I really enjoyed reading it.
I hope I helped someway.
Undergraduate /
Essay-help my english [3]
Hello!
I think you need to go over the grammar in the essay.
increasing too fat and lazy people
Change it! Try "increase in the number of obese and sedentary people."
The more physical activities we do, the more healthier we are.
"The more physical activities we do, the healthier we become"
Hope this helped you.
Undergraduate /
'Brazil school games' - USC Extracurricular activity [4]
Hello admission2012.
I only wrote that because my brazilian counselor said that it would explain why, in that particular time of the year, my grades weren't good.
Thank you a lot! I will make sure to fix that!
Undergraduate /
'Brazil school games' - USC Extracurricular activity [4]
Hello, I'm an international student applying to schools in the US and I'm feeling insecure about my writting. I would appreciate any help!
My favorite thing about my school in Brazil was pobably the annual beneficient school games. The chance to get involved in activities, work in a team and get to know new people was always really exciting for me. It takes a lot of time and hard work to put 32 tasks together, and since school didn't stop, my grades went down a lot during the games. In 2011 I had the chance to lead one of the 3 teams and it was really complicated, however it's amazing to see the final results. My team and I managed to get 150 sponsors and collect 10 tons of food and clothing for charity. It's incredible to hear your team's name as the winner, but in the end, the opportunity to help people in my community was the best part of the experience. As the winners, we had the chance to go to each institution and deliver the 24 tons of food and cloting that the school collected, and to see so many people happy and smiling was priceless.
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