Posts by karlacnavas721

karlacnavas721

Nov 4, 2012

Undergraduate / Common App (Rice Supplement Short Answers) Critique [3]

With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study. Limit 2000 characters.

The most vivid memories from my childhood are of exploring the environment around me with my younger brother. On late summer afternoons when the sun would set, leveling against the horizon, ~~and as time went by~~ we would catch frogs in the stream near my house that formed from the ~~accumulation of~~ seasonal rain. Every day we would often find a new and interesting organism that had its particular niche within the ecosystem. These experiences led to my passion for biology above all other subjects. What I really love about biology is its broad range of topics which can be narrowed down to specifics like the Krebs cycle during cellular respiration, however what I'm truly interested in has always been bodily functions and how the body ~~goes on~~(thrives or survives or maintains itself) with these life supporting functions. As a child I would spend my weeknights at my grandparents house as both of my parents worked late shifts. I would witness the amount of medication my grandfather would take and it would worry me that he had to go through this routine every single day. ~~Eventually to no avail~~But the medication was to no avail because soon after he passed away after a difficult struggle with diabetes; I was heartbroken. During ~~the week he was at the~~his final week at the hospital I noticed how ~~hard~~dedicated and (concerned/caring/dedicated/concerned) all the nurses and doctors were and I admired them for doing so. I ~~then~~ told my mom that I had changed my mind about becoming a biologist and I instead wanted to wear a physician' s coat and cure the diseases ~~of the ill~~that many people face . Since then my focus has been to be the best physician I can by challenging myself academically. By attending the Weiss School of Natural Science, I will be adequately prepared to take on real world situations and have the confidence of my patients.

Wow, this was a great essay you wrote. I truly see why you want to work so hard and dedicate yourself to becoming a physician and this is what colleges are looking for.

I almost forgot about this one!

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.

When people ask me where I want to continue my education after high school I simply respond with "Rice". Sometimes I receive puzzled looks by the few that are unfamiliar or have never heard of Rice University. ~~I came across considering applying to Rice one day when~~The day I considered applying to Rice was when I decided to look at the brochures that came in the mail. After reviewing the brochure I felt it was love at first sight. The scenery at Rice is visually stunning as it is masked by an enchanting forest in downtown Houston. Along with the landscape, the buildings are aesthetically pleasing, emphasizing the origins of the campus. Qualities I love about Rice University are the small teacher to student ratio and the closely knit community of the residential colleges. Above all, Rice is among the most competitive institutions in the ~~state and~~ country. With its beautiful lecture halls and state of the art labs, Rice University offers an excellent learning environment for students who crave discovery and knowledge.

Word Count: 164

These are just some of my opinions. I hope I helped :)

karlacnavas721

Nov 4, 2012

Undergraduate / "What I Thought Would Kill Me Made Me Stronger" - Fordham U. Personal Statement [4]

YES! I revised it and it came out much better than my draft. Thank you so much for your suggestions!

karlacnavas721

Nov 2, 2012

Undergraduate / 'creative and imaginative person' - Common app Supplement for film major [3]

Since I was a little girl, I was fascinated with the art of what a camera can do. It was only when I started producing behind the scenes short movies based on my school's events, that I ~~was able to realize~~realized how powerful movie creation was, and will always be, to me.

Throughout my freshman year, I was constantly involved in small plays. ~~In addition,~~ I also had the chance to write and direct a 30-minute play for my ~~Portuguese class final test.~~final test in Portugese class.

I consider myself to be a very creative and imaginative person, full of new and innovating ideas, so majoring in film production would help me get the tools and necessary skills I need to ~~use my potential to the fullest, and also, I would be able to do what makes me proud and happy.~~ to become successful in the one thing I am truly passionate about.

Just some changes I made. Overall, it was very well written. Hope I could help :)

karlacnavas721

Nov 2, 2012

Book Reports / 'Lord of the Flies' Ralph and Piggy essay [2]

I enjoyed reading your essay! overall it was very well put and few grammatical mistakes

first line: power --> powerFUL or maybe change it to savage to further prove the point you are trying to make.
Second line: organIZE

The leaders are soon identified along with the main characters in chapter one, these are Ralph, Jack, Simon and Piggy --->The leaders are soon identified along with the main characters in chapter one as Ralph, Jack, Simon, and Piggy.

With the introduction of the conch, a symbol of power, he was elected as the leader; I believe that when Ralph summoned the remainder of the boys to a meeting, it was as if they were back in civilization because a meeting is considered mature and sophisticated. Ralph demonstrated good leadership by being the one that organized the first meeting and already assumed the role as leader [hinting his _____ (controlling/demeaning) behavior] *optional

karlacnavas721

Nov 1, 2012

Undergraduate / "What I Thought Would Kill Me Made Me Stronger" - Fordham U. Personal Statement [4]

FORDHAM UNIVERSITY ESSAY 250-500 WORDS)
1. Describe a Significant Life Experience and how it has shaped the person you are today.

"What I Thought Would Kill Me Made Me Stronger"
It all happened too fast. One minute I was a strong-minded, confident student at The Lawrenceville School with the path to college laid out for me, and in the next: a lost "student" with no direction, snatched away from all I knew and grew to appreciate. I didn't choose to be homeschooled; no. That was a decision my parents made and they chose [another word for chose, I already used it above] to update me at dinner over chicken alfredo pasta, my favorite dish. All of these feelings of confusion and betrayal boiled inside of me and to know [wrong tense?] that my own parents would dare make this life-changing decision without my knowledge [nor vs. or] my consent, was enough to push me over the edge. I was so aggravated that I made it my mission in life to make my parents' lives miserable as they had chosen to make mine. I tried absolutely everything from giving them the silent treatment to defying them and acting pugnaciously whenever they wanted me to do something for them. My attempts were to no avail. I realized that I was hurting no one but myself and soon decided to switch missions for a while to not only put up with decision they made for me but thrive and succeed even in circumstances such as these. [I need to rephrase that sentence because it's not making sense]

This is now my last year of homeschool and even thought there are times where doubt overshadows confidence, I now see how homeschooling has benefitted me and will continue to do so, long after this part of the journey is over. This homeschooling experience has taught me many skills and has taken part in instilling the kind of character that I will need to not only thrive in college, but in life as well. I have acquired the ability to do what is necessary and expected of me without needing to be urged by someone else. In more ways than one, I was my own teacher during these four years of high school. I made sure to get my assignments in at a certain time, even though no due dates were assigned. I assigned myself study hours to ensure I was prepared to excel in my quizzes and exams. I utilized additional resources such as youtube and google versus tutors and teachers to further aid me in learning lessons I could not satisfyingly comprehend in the textbook. These all tie in with responsibility and time management as well. Above all, I learned what it takes to succeed. I learned to persevere no matter what circumstances or obstacles were thrown in my way. In my case, it was homeschool. Because of my parents' decision to involve me in homeschool, I successfully adjusted to this new life, I triumphed over the obstacles and hardships. I have gained the skills and character that will allow me to flourish in life way beyond college.

(((I'm still working on a killer closing))) ... a sort of KA-BAM! in your faces!!! Closing. i'd like some help/advice/suggestions with that please? :( i was never good at wrapping it up with a killer finish.

So this is my personal statement so far. See, to me, if doesn't feel like it's up to par. I would like to know if the focus of my essay is on the spot, grammar, details/corrections that would make it much much better. don't be shy with corrections either haha or critisisms/suggestions. The more improvements I can make the better.