jes618
Nov 12, 2012
Undergraduate / 'my first pair of glasses' - Common app essay: Topic of your choice [4]
Thank you! Your suggestions are very helpful!(:
Thank you! Your suggestions are very helpful!(:
jes618
Nov 12, 2012
Undergraduate / College essay. The greatest impact on your life? This is my mother. [5]
Hi!
I think this is a good start, but it sounds a little too much like a summary. The essay would be more powerful if you took one or two specific examples and described them in detail. As long as your essay is powerful, the common topic choice mentioned in the answer above won't be a problem.
I know this sounds like a lot of work, but it's not. Like I said, this is a really good start!
(answer mine? Common app essay: Topic of your choice)
Hi!
I think this is a good start, but it sounds a little too much like a summary. The essay would be more powerful if you took one or two specific examples and described them in detail. As long as your essay is powerful, the common topic choice mentioned in the answer above won't be a problem.
I know this sounds like a lot of work, but it's not. Like I said, this is a really good start!
(answer mine? Common app essay: Topic of your choice)
jes618
Nov 12, 2012
Undergraduate / 'my first pair of glasses' - Common app essay: Topic of your choice [4]
Hi! I'd really appreciate any feedback anyone can give about this essay. Thank you!
In fifth grade, when I received my first pair of glasses, I became aware of the world. Objects no longer glowed in blurry auras; they poked and prodded with sharp angles. Sometimes, I took my glasses off to quickly put them back on and watch the world transform. They gave me the ability to read the board in class, but more importantly, they gave me perspective. The realization the world was different than what I was accustomed to left me feeling somewhere between betrayed and fascinated. It must have been that moment and that realization which allowed me to consider the world with the careful observation and thought I use now.
In thinking about my particular experience, I've become intrigued by a similar situation involving disproportions between perspectives, the differences in color perception between species. During my junior year, I was enrolled in AP Biology. We shifted perspective from microscopic organisms to ecosystems throughout the year, and I loved every single last detail of it. Near the end, we briefly touched on the human eye and vision. I was stunned to find our eyes contain only three different types of color receptors for hue perception. To me, our complex world was too intricate to be seen with just three receptors. Could all of the colors in the world really be expressed with three simple receptors, or did it take something more?
Just before my senior year, I found an answer in a species called the mantis shrimp. This creature has not three, but sixteen color receptors. It has the ability to perceive colors I can't even name. I was amazed to find something so seemingly simple, something I had overlooked for my entire life, to carry such complexity. Considering this, I felt the familiar tug of simultaneous betrayal and fascination, and I wondered-what colors make up the world? Clearly not the limited range of human colors, for there would be no need for the mantis shrimp to have sixteen cones if that was the case. But, is there perhaps an infinite existence of color extending beyond a mantis shrimp's vision?
My ability to answer this question is where I come out ahead of the mantis shrimp. Answers to this and other questions related to natural life are found in the field of science. I admire science for its ability to flip and rotate the familiar until it reaches a point where it becomes almost unrecognizable; the point at which the audience feels betrayal and fascination, all at once. I want to breathe this feeling, to soak in it through investigation after investigation. I seek a career of science, a lifelong quest for answers and for more questions. Awaiting this lifetime reward, I pay close attention to detail and observe with awareness in the hope of the feeling of betrayal and fascination: the feeling of being on the cusp of discovery.
Hi! I'd really appreciate any feedback anyone can give about this essay. Thank you!
In fifth grade, when I received my first pair of glasses, I became aware of the world. Objects no longer glowed in blurry auras; they poked and prodded with sharp angles. Sometimes, I took my glasses off to quickly put them back on and watch the world transform. They gave me the ability to read the board in class, but more importantly, they gave me perspective. The realization the world was different than what I was accustomed to left me feeling somewhere between betrayed and fascinated. It must have been that moment and that realization which allowed me to consider the world with the careful observation and thought I use now.
In thinking about my particular experience, I've become intrigued by a similar situation involving disproportions between perspectives, the differences in color perception between species. During my junior year, I was enrolled in AP Biology. We shifted perspective from microscopic organisms to ecosystems throughout the year, and I loved every single last detail of it. Near the end, we briefly touched on the human eye and vision. I was stunned to find our eyes contain only three different types of color receptors for hue perception. To me, our complex world was too intricate to be seen with just three receptors. Could all of the colors in the world really be expressed with three simple receptors, or did it take something more?
Just before my senior year, I found an answer in a species called the mantis shrimp. This creature has not three, but sixteen color receptors. It has the ability to perceive colors I can't even name. I was amazed to find something so seemingly simple, something I had overlooked for my entire life, to carry such complexity. Considering this, I felt the familiar tug of simultaneous betrayal and fascination, and I wondered-what colors make up the world? Clearly not the limited range of human colors, for there would be no need for the mantis shrimp to have sixteen cones if that was the case. But, is there perhaps an infinite existence of color extending beyond a mantis shrimp's vision?
My ability to answer this question is where I come out ahead of the mantis shrimp. Answers to this and other questions related to natural life are found in the field of science. I admire science for its ability to flip and rotate the familiar until it reaches a point where it becomes almost unrecognizable; the point at which the audience feels betrayal and fascination, all at once. I want to breathe this feeling, to soak in it through investigation after investigation. I seek a career of science, a lifelong quest for answers and for more questions. Awaiting this lifetime reward, I pay close attention to detail and observe with awareness in the hope of the feeling of betrayal and fascination: the feeling of being on the cusp of discovery.
