Writing Feedback / Ielts; teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work [4]

here some corrections

most of the teenagers

makes them from a sense of fulfillment,

Admittedly, there are a wild range of voluntary work that has given the opportunity to be a part of the crew in particularly interested them field which could valuable in self-satisfaction and motivation in studies father. Besides, teenagers being belong professional people, flourishing/ booming ?? in a huge influence on studying hard much as appreciate someone's work and time, turning to feature 'requires' by potential employer like their communication skills, time management, team work.

In addition, be sure that on each paragraph you explain something with examples this is essential.
Great job and good luck

Undergraduate / 'the stigma of being gay' - B for UT is a little TOO personal? [11]

Numerous calls, voicemails, and text messages were left on my phone advising me, not only to stay away from their daughter or authority figures would be involved, but that I was going to hell.

I'm in a better place now, but many 'people that' are part of the LGBT community are still suffering in silence.

but many ='people who'

Also LGBT, try to put the complete name instead.

In this day and age, no child should live in fear of being bullied, whether it is from another child or an intolerant adult, because of who they are. The land of the free shouldn't have a disclaimer that says "for straight people only;" all American citizens should have the freedom to be themselves.

I'm not so sure about this part " In this age and age", you should change it to "Nowadays" or something else that you might prefer .

Good look