Undergraduate / Prompt #1 for UC schools; 'Some people say to not overdue it' [5]

I'm having trouble with the structure of my sentences. I feel that a lot can be changed or revised. Any suggestions? Also does my essay fit the prompt and answer what it is asking for? Any advice would be greatly appreciated-thanks.

Prompt#1

Some people say to not overdue it. To not over pack your schedule, and focus solely on one thing. But the thing is, I never listen to those people. Maybe that's my problem; I'm not a good listener. But maybe it's not such a problem but a solution instead. I always do what I think is best for me. I fill my schedule with things I know will help me become a stronger person. I can't function without a plan, if I don't know where I'm going or what I want I will not make progress.

I perform my best when I am challenged and have many responsibilities. As the youngest of four boys, I constantly competed with my older brothers. I tried to do everything my older brothers did but better; whether it was education or sports, I made sure I surpassed them in every aspect. Furthermore, these challenges that I faced at home carried on to school where I also competed with teammates and classmates so that I can be the best that I can be. I occupied myself with many sports and after school activities. Throughout my four years of high school I was involved in more than four varsity sports in a year and over six school clubs. I held positions in some of those clubs and I also participated in events from my AVID program. I did all of this while still playing for my club soccer team where I had to practice after my school's sports practice at least two times a week and had games every weekend. Concluding to my impacted schedule, it was important that I stayed on top of everything. Activities outside of school are always important to me but I made sure I was on top of my school work the whole time. All of this has strengthened my character and has made me into the hardworking and confident person I must be to become a success.

Having older brothers to compete with me has made me want to do better in sports and school. I love sports and I hate seeing an athlete injured. Whenever I see an athlete injured I want to help them as much as I can. I feel helpless when I can't help an injured teammate because I don't know enough. This is why I want to go to school and study sports medicine to become a Sports therapist/trainer, or orthopedic surgeon and learn how to treat an injured athlete and lead them to recovery. Overall, what has led me to this path and shaped me into a person with goals is the way I competed so much with my brothers. Because of them I played so many sports and challenged myself more and more in school, I want to do better and serve as a useful function.

Undergraduate / 'Surgery on me helped me reinvent myself' - Prompt #2 of Personal Statement [4]

Personal Statement Prompt #2

Twelve stiches, one surgical screw, and a new perspective in life. I've been scarred, and like many other scars; a life lesson was learned. But this life lesson wasn't just about how careful I should be next time, it was a lesson that opened my eyes to a new outlook on life. It was then that I changed my ways for the better.

My seventh grade year was the year everything changed. I broke my elbow horse playing in the gym, and immediately had to go into surgery. I've never gotten surgery before so the thought of it had me frightened. The memory is still vague to me but fragments of the surgery are constantly played in my mind. I remember how closely I paid attention to the clock and how each tic of the small red hand was another breath for me. I closed my eyes for what felt like only three seconds. After that, everything was pitched dark and my mind was at rest. The next thing I remember was waking up in a white room and having no recollection of what went on after those last three breaths. And this is exactly what has inspired me to pursue a career in sports medicine. I feel as if a part of my life is missing, and the only way to fulfill that part is by learning what goes on in that infamous white room and becoming an Orthopedic Surgeon.

As a result of my seventh grade year., I've began to take school more serious. I started to think about my future, and take charge of my academic life, anything lower than a "B" was unacceptable. I applied for the AVID program and immediately got accepted. There, I met other students with college aspirations and this pushed me to do even better. As I entered high-school, I loaded my schedule with Honors and A.P. courses. My life was taken up with nothing but homework and sports; which was exactly what I needed.

Ironically, what I thought was a horrible accident, became one of the best things to ever happen to me. The accident changed me for the better and has made me appreciate my education and opportunities. Getting surgery opened my eyes, and made me realize the important things in a young adult's life, such as school and future aspirations. The next step to accomplish my goals is to get accepted to the University of my dreams and pursue a sports medicine career so that one day it will be me who performs the surgery.

What happened to me five years ago has made me reinvent myself. The surgery that was performed on me has brought nothing but curiosity and wonder. These curiosities filled me with determination and drive to make something of my life. Whenever I need motivation, I look at my elbow and remember the reason for why I am pushing myself. Moreover, studying Sports Medicine and the ways of an orthopedic surgeon will finally give me a sense of satisfaction. I am stitched, screwed, and scarred, with a new objective in life. One minor surgery has escalated to a major factor for my new passion in striving for a successful career and successful life.