Undergraduate / 'The smell of metal gates' - My trip to the Philippines, 2nd UC prompt [2]

So I wrote this relatively fast, within about 2 hours, so I'm not entirely sure it is up to snuff. I'm thinking that I need to add something to the end to make it more conclusive, or maybe that I didn't answer the prompt too directly. Anyways, I'd appreciate any advice/ corrections/ criticisms you all have. I'm open to anything really.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Walking through the metal gates, I remember the smell that greeted me; it was pungent, stinging the nostrils and making my eyes water. It was hot and humid, and gathered in the covered enclosure were several families, each with at least two or three children. As I looked around, I saw tattered shorts, torn and dirty shirts, and bare feet. These families were directly called off the street, out of the cardboard boxes they called home, to come to us for help. My mother began speaking to them in Tagalog, the language of the Philippines. She, a year earlier, had formed Pusong Pinoy Forever, a nonprofit organization with the purpose of directly assisting street families. This year, I had decided to help with the effort. We began with introducing ourselves. Afterwards, the men, women, and children separated into their individual activities. Adults began work on projects to help them earn and save money, such as crafting small items and managing money. Children went to play and color. Throughout the week, I met many of the adults who had attended. As they shared their stories with me, I realized that these were people that not only needed aid, but also basic necessities of life. How much more these people, who live in one of the lowest levels of poverty, need help than homeless in the U.S.. I, along with volunteers from China and India, worked tirelessly throughout the week, beginning early in the morning and ending in the evening each day. I worked with adults, cared for children, cooked meals, and even played guitar and sang for the families. The children I met were not unlike my younger siblings, and I joked and played with them as if they were. I am proud not only of the hard work and long hours that we spent for the families, but the change that we made in their lives. Today the families run small businesses sponsored by Pusong Pinoy. I am proud to say that the work we did in the Philippines has bettered the lives of those families, and also that it has had a profound effect on me; I learned firsthand the value of service and responsibility, of which I am able to relate to. As the second oldest of seven children, I have set upon me a expectation of being responsible, and serving people both younger and older than I am. After traveling to the Philippines, I am now affirmed in my goal of becoming an orthopedic surgeon. This trip appealed to my sense of service, and the use of my gifts and privileges for the good of the less fortunate.

Undergraduate / 'The Filipino paintings' - My UC application prompt #1 [4]

Hey guys, I appreciate any help you can give me on the following prompt. Any advice/ corrections are welcome! I'll try to reply to anyone who helps me

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

A small city surrounded by three highways, farmland, multiple housing developments, and with an official city motto of "think inside the triangle", is hardly where one would expect to find an aspiring orthopedic surgeon. However, these conditions, along with the support of my family, my cultures, and my unique personal experiences, have shaped me into a responsible, determined, and knowledgeable student and leader.

Being a member of a family of nine has given me insight into my goals and aspirations, as well as learning what is necessary to reach them. As the second oldest of seven children, I have always had a certain high expectation of leadership, responsibility and service placed upon me. As an older sibling, my younger brothers and sisters look to me for guidance, service, and as a role model. Whether it be babysitting, helping with homework, or lending an extra hand around the house, I have learned the value in helping others and setting priorities. These expectations have also been present at school, where I participated in Key club, and on the soccer field, where I was JV captain, and a varsity player. These experiences have not only shaped the person I am today, but also the person I want to be in the future.

Around my house, the authentic Filipino paintings give a strong sense of my Filipino culture. My mother, who is the daughter of a U.S. Navy man from the Philippines, along with my father, have instilled in me an understanding of the value of diversity. In my travels through Europe, Canada, The United States, Latin America, and Asia, I have acquired a broad perspective of the many types of people in the world. My mother has always focused on the importance of relationships, while my father stressed a good work ethic and efficiency. Both have especially pushed for high level of achievement in both school and extracurricular activities. My father's career as a doctor has fueled my interest in science, and has taught me the hardships and joys of being a physician. With these high expectations, I have learned to manage time, be disciplined, and push myself to higher levels. As I strive to go into the medical field, my role in my family has made me realize that a career is not only about success, but about using the gifts I have been given, and the knowledge I have gained, to be used for the benefit of the less fortunate not only in my community, but in the world overall.