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Posts by kimchiduck
Joined: Nov 21, 2012
Last Post: Nov 27, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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kimchiduck   
Nov 27, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I want to live and learn for myself' - UC ESSAY: PROMPT 1 [3]

Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Growing up I was never the kid who disobeyed their parents. I was the girl you would refer to as the "good girl." The girl who always did what their parents expected and never dared to disobey. What my parents wished was my desire and what they planned was my future. My motivation was my parents, until I found a dream that I wanted to achieve.

Before I found this dream, school to me was just a daily routine and grades were just meaningless letters. I was working towards an unknown future my parents had already planned for me. My parents being very strict and pushy about school and grades I was forced to start tutor at the age of eleven. Although, I disliked it at first after some time I enjoyed meeting new friends and getting extra help on subjects I had trouble on. However, each tutor did not last long. Once entered into a tutor program my parents would instantly switch to a newer program if they had a "better learning system" or "higher proven test grades." My schedule always being school, tutor, and then home I had no control over what I wanted to do or learn. Being so dependent on my parents, I often wondered what it would be like to have control over my life; to make my own decisions, to be responsible for my own mistakes without having my parents getting involved, and ultimately to decide and have a dream for myself. Unlike many others my age I wanted to be experience the life of an independent mature adult. Not knowing my plans for my future I decided to accept the fact that I was just going to live up to the usual expectations of my parents. After all, being the "good girl" my whole life, it was unimaginable for me to walk towards a different road then my parents had planned. But through a community service experience, I was tempted to experience life on the other road. However, being the scared and unconfident person I was, my dreams were always kept in an imaginary box in the back of my mind. As this imaginary box became bigger and bigger so did my passion for this dream. I asked myself why not me?

Finally one day after a quote I read from my friend's phone this imaginary box exploded and inspired to pursue this dream. I decided to tell my parents about this dream that I had been hiding. I finally I realized I do not want to live and learn for my parents but for myself. Talking to my parents was the best thing I could have done for my future. Although, it was very small part of my journey it was the most significant so far. Not only was it when I realized and tested the independence and courage I had in me but it was also the first time I willingly fought for something I wanted. This short encounter with my parents was the hardest and scariest event but through this event I gained so much. I gained motivation to do better in school for only my benefit. I realized and found the new self I thought never existed in me but most importantly I found a dream. As I graduate high school, I am always going to remember that one quote by James Dean that opened my eyes to the world I never thought could exist. "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."
kimchiduck   
Nov 23, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Cross country pushing forward' - UC Essay #2 - Colorguard [6]

Great Essay but i don't think you should write that you were only working for "greater good of the program."
Maybe you can change it to " I began to change, and not only was Iwas no longer working for myself, but for the greater good of the program."
kimchiduck   
Nov 23, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the first two months of my new business' - Essay Prompt B [2]

This is a very touching essay but it doesn't answer the prompt about how it relates to the person you are. Reading the essay i can see that you are a strong person. However, you cannot assume your reader will know this by reading your essay. I think you should link how this experience helped you. Maybe you discovered a stronger more independent person in you or maybe this experience taught you to be a more responsible...i don't know...your experience needs to link to the person you are.
kimchiduck   
Nov 23, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Section A students' - UC Prompt 2 personal statement [4]

It's really good except when you say "top 1" "rank 2nd" "10" you need to spell the numbers out (Top one, rank second, ten).

Also, you should not use contractions such as i'm, didn't, wasn't should be changed to i am, did not, and was not.
kimchiduck   
Nov 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Sante D'or - 'Volunteering at an animal shelter' - UC Prompt 1 essay [2]

UC Prompt #1:

Truthfully, I do not know what developed my love and affection for animals. Growing up I was never surrounded by a house pet because my parents never approved it. Nevertheless, this love is what shaped my childhood dream of becoming a veterinarian. However, as I became older and the ramifications of this dream became clearer, I realized that perhaps this dream was a bit more of a reach than I had expected. However, this all changed in the summer of my sophomore year.

I will never forget the first day I started volunteering at Sante D'or, an animal shelter. I was extremely excited about spending my time surrounded by animals. However, once I entered the doors of Sante D'or, my excitement quickly turned cold upon seeing the disturbing amount of sick animals. Witnessing mentally and physically abused animals was heartbreaking. As I walked past to the backroom, I saw kittens lying helplessly in their cages, cats vomiting and anxious dogs alarmed at every noise. Unable to take in such a disheartening sight any longer, I had one foot out the door before I was stopped by a cat named Junebug. She helped me see Sante D'or not as a depressing place, but as a place full of love and spirit. Junebug was abandoned in a cardboard box with half of her ear cut off and a missing tail. Naturally, when she was brought in she hissed constantly and tried to harm everyone who approached her. During my first days, I was given the responsibility of cleaning and feeding her. After many months of attempting to play, talk, and even feed her with my own hands, she finally opened her heart to me. As a result, for the first time, she quietly crawled out of her cage to sit beside me. A rush of accomplishment and happiness overcomes me whenever I realize that I am that human who healed a hurt animal. I feel satisfied not only to study for my future but the future of animals in need of help.

Although the journey I chose to take may be rough just like Junebug's past, I know that in the end these hardships will not only be insignificant in the light of my accomplishments, but also motivate me until the end. Some people may think of Sante D'or as just a community animal shelter, but for me, it was the place where I finally understood my future career. It was the place where I crafted countless memories and friendships, from the first time I healed a hurt animal to the time when Junebug finally left the shelter to her new home. It was the place where I learned that difficulties are an inevitable part of life, but it is how you overcome the difficulties that shape your future.
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