Undergraduate / west meets south; Common app - Experience [4]

would greatly appreciate feedback on this essay, thanks so much!

Prompt: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

--
Two summers ago my youth group went on a trip to Clovis, California with an organization called World Changers, which provides free construction work for families that would otherwise not be able to afford house improvements. Though Clovis is only a three-hour drive from my church's location in San Jose, we soon found that people had come from all over the country to help out. This was a marked difference from my last World Changers trip, where everyone involved was a Californian. Upon arrival in Clovis, I was surprised to discover that the majority of my crewmates, whom I would be working with the whole week, were from Alabama. My proud Californian self was anxious about working with the Southerners. Sure, I knew about a few different cultures, from my friends at home, but I held the stereotype that Southerners didn't have much "culture" at all. Would we end up discussing fried chicken, cow-tipping, and football all week?

Immediately, I did find that some of my preconceptions were true. My Alabaman crewmates all had thick Southern accents, loved country music, and were astounded when I told them I'd never been to a Chick-fil-a ("Are you serious? What kind of food do y'all even eat?"). As the week progressed, however, I found my narrow-minded self was completely wrong. Everyone on my crew was kind, considerate, and remained remarkably level-headed despite the long, hot work days. I found that I had much in common with all of my crewmates, and that my fear of being unable to relate to the rest of my crew was invalid. I bonded with my crewmates by sharing similar experiences from church, marching band, and general high school problems. Learning about fellow teens' experiences from all over the country was both entertaining and eye-opening. At the end of the week, the kids from my group ended up teaching taught the non-Californians a few Chinese phrases - and in return, we were given a brief history of Southern football.

Five months later and I still communicate regularly with my Southern friends, keep up to date on Alabama football, and listen to country music. Though I might not have imagined it, I'm very thankful for the experience to meet people from all parts of the country. In only one week, I had learned about another culture that I had always generalized but never bothered to understand. My experience in Clovis that summer taught me that having a passing knowledge of different cultures just doesn't cut it sometimes. Rather, getting to know the people who identify with a certain culture is the best lesson in diversity anyone can ask for. As I look to my future college experience, I am excited to meet even more people with diverse backgrounds, as well as sharing my personal experiences with them. Perhaps I'll even get to go to a Chick-fil-a one day.

Undergraduate / Macy's Parade - UC Prompt [NEW]

I'm looking for last-minute corrections on my second UC essay. Any help at all is greatly appreciated! Thank you.

PROMPT: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I took my first piano lesson at age five, mostly motivated to do so because my teacher was my god-brother, Ed, who was the most entertaining guy around. I was completely oblivious as to what the black and white keys meant and only hoped to learn a few tunes to amuse my parents. When Ed started the lesson by asking me where the C was, referring to the piano note, I pointed out the window in the direction I thought the literal sea was. Despite that somewhat inauspicious start, that 30-minute lesson marked the beginning of my long friendship with the universal language of music.

Throughout elementary school I began to actively enjoy piano more as my skills improved. I made up my own songs and sang along. I decided to pick up trumpet in the fifth grade, and used my talents to pick up other unusual instruments that interested me, such as the recorder and ukulele. Often, I would amuse my friends at church by playing popular songs on the piano. I explored a wide range of musical genres and was eager to share them with my parents or anyone who would listen.

Though music has provided me with a great source of entertainment, it also allowed other aspects of my personality to develop more fully. My musical skills have been put to good use in the worship team at church as well as at the nearby nursing home. Being around so many music-oriented people has further expanded my extroversion, as I'm now somewhat notorious on campus for randomly breaking out in song or dance. I aimed to try new things, which ended with varying degrees in success; I was able to make the county honor band on trumpet in my junior year, yet I also discovered I'm a terrible marimba player, as evidenced by my failed stint in the percussion section.

Like all good friends do, however, music and I have had our differences. There were many times when I regretted joining marching band because of the rehearsals in hot weather or the large time commitment. I took long breaks from piano lessons because the time commitments would interfere with my increasingly busy schedules. Despite these trials, music has given me so many opportunities and friendships that I can't imagine my life without it. To this day, I love making up songs to entertain both friends and strangers. Some of my closest friends are members of the band, and I've marched in parades that I never would have dreamed of participating in, such as the Macy's Parade. Though I don't plan to pursue music as a career, I am looking forward to joining on-campus music organizations and clubs. I can't wait to see what the future will hold as I grow in both my musical and personal skills.