Posts by ann

ann_marie

Dec 25, 2012

Undergraduate / *Tap Tap* that's what I hear when I'm clattering away at my computer; College Ess [6]

This is really well written. I like the writing style and the way it flows. The only thing is where it says [font#Fwhen i observed my classmates, who excelled me in every way...F0000] the "excelled me" part sounds a little strange; although I like the wordong and I'm not sure what you would use in place of it.

Please go and like my thread titled "Music is the Ibfluence" its past due, so you don't need to read or revise it or anything. I want to delete it, but I have to get 3 likes in 3 days, so could you please like it?

ann_marie

Dec 24, 2012

Undergraduate / New York never sleeps; NYU Supp/ Why NYU [7]

Add more about the college, and less about the city. The last part about the doversity is really good, but at the beginnjng show what you know about NYU and how it relates to you, such as others above suggested academics. Overall if was good though

Please go like my essay post, its past due and everything so you don't need to read it. I want to delete but I need 3 likes in 3 days, so please go like it :)

ann_marie

Dec 24, 2012

Undergraduate / Drawings and Photographs; Rochester App/ Why Rochester? [3]

I think at the beginning distinct is the wrong word, instead of something meang so defined choose a word with a meaning that they are different. Other than that I thought it was good!

Please go like my post so I can delete it, I don't need anymore revsions, since its past due, so you don't have to read it. but I need 3 likes in 3 days to delete it. The title is "Music is the Influence"

ann_marie

Dec 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Mission trips and the church' - Someone who has made an impact - App Essay [3]

That was the day when i ~~have~~had been separated

Which was only a five minute walk
*I forgot the complete set of rules when using numbers in a formal essay but only use the actual numerical number if it is a year or larger than a certain number, but i do not remember what that number is*

In the sentence "I would sit next to him on the brown leather couch..." you do not need the comma between brown and leather. Also I do not think that you need the "with Pastor Walton" part, personally I think it sounds better without it. With the previous sentences the reader knows that you are with him.

ann_marie

Dec 1, 2012

Undergraduate / Kid Cudi's song comes to mind ; Music is the Influence [2]

I am also not sure about the title. I had other ideas of "Pursuit of Happiness" or "Lyrically Intoxicated", but any help would be greatly appreciated.

Essay Topic B: Choose an issue of importance to you- the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope - and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

As citizens of the United States we are entitled to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. However when teens and young adults of my generation hear 'pursuit of happiness' they do not think of our unalienable rights, but Kid Cudi's song comes to mind. In his lyrics he talks about rolling blunts and driving drunk. These are the people that are the influential role models of today's society. Yes, there are good role models, but more often than not you see teens tweeting ad captioning their pictures with song lyrics and profanity. Just twenty-five years ago the songs that topped the Billboard 100 were of dancing and loving people for who they really were, not because they had a nice body or partied hard. Today 7 million American women suffer from anorexia nervosa or bulimia. Ninety-five percent of those women are girls between the ages of twelve and twenty-five and according to the Huffington Post seventeen percent of high schoolers admitted to smoking and using drugs during the school day. Yet how can we blame then when they are following in the footsteps of people who are respected for their music that encourages these actions? Where will my generation be in twenty years? Anorexia nervosa has a mortality rate twelve times higher than the death rate of all other causes for females fifteen to twenty-four and the kids skipping school to do drugs will most likely end up dropping out of high school or get put in jail. On the contrary not all music influence is bad. Kids that listen to christian or country are more apt to make the right decisions, become more active in their community, and have better grades. This parallels music programs that are apart of schools. Not only does joining the program keep them busy so they have less time to get in trouble, it raises their IQ and gives them a secure environment to make friends with people who have similar interests.

Whether a song is about rolling blunts and driving drunk or turning to Jesus after a hard day, music, specifically lyrics, have a huge impact on teens.

citations: South Carolina Department of Mental Health website and the Huffington Post website