Unanswered [13] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by EssayLuoLoL
Joined: Dec 5, 2012
Last Post: Dec 9, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 7
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EssayLuoLoL   
Dec 9, 2012
Undergraduate / Wellesley College supplement, why Wellesley? - Mona Lisa Smile [5]

When choosing a college, you are choosing an intellectual community and a place where you believe that you can live, learn, and flourish. To this end, the Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals. (400 wordsïź‰

"Dear Betty, I came to Wellesley because I wanted to make a difference."--Mona Lisa Smile. My first "encounter" with Wellesley happened when I was still a middle school student back in China when I haphazardly watched the movie Mona Lisa Smile.

Deeply rooted in my memory is a scenery like a splattered palette, on which lush verdant meadows, Hogwarts like red-brick buildings, and the lake that mirrors trees and the sky add up together, creating a radiant community where women strive. I was so enthralled and stunned to know that there actually exists such a heavenly college campus on the other side of the planet. Fast-forward six years, now residing in California and carrying the distinct memory, I decisively put Wellesley college on the top of my list. Although raised up in a male-dominant conservative culture setting, I am ready to prove my worthiness as a women: a future leader, and roam freely both intellectually and physically at this all-women's college, which is the dream that Wellesley promises we women can realize.

After exploring Wellesley's liberal arts curriculum and contacting current students online, I instantly discovered the immense opportunities that Wellesley offers for an ambitious and independent thinking woman. With no constraints of traditional disciplinary boundaries, at Wellesley, I will delve into the unknown and quench my thirst for knowledge in different departments: Mathematics and Economics. A major in Mathematics at Wellesley will become an intellectual tool for me to sharpen my analytical and quantitative thinking skills and in turn empower me for my further education at a Business school. A cross registration at MIT in UROP program will offer me a different perspective of studying in a big research university and even a chance to explore fields that I never think of before. I will wrestle with ideas to collaborate with students and faculty alike to make sense of the messiness in life by participating in different on campus activities. Participating in Math Games as a recreation for us math geeks will allow us to collaboratively solve those fun and challenging problems in quest of the glory for our gender. Participating in the Wellesley Widows, an a cappella chorus, I will be able to continue my passion for music from a high school Women's choir to a college Women's choir and bring fine musical entertainment to audiences all over the US. Meanwhile, a job opportunity at El Table intriguingly caters to my taste. With my previous experience in serving food at my high school's lunch line, I aspire to join a student-run cooperative café because it as well can provide me with more interactions with other brilliant minds on campus and allow me to contribute my wisdom in making this cafeteria a better running organization based on the marketing skills that I acquired through high school internships if I am lucky enough to be a honored member of Wellesley College.
EssayLuoLoL   
Dec 7, 2012
Undergraduate / Born in Guangzhou ; Personal Statement - College Application [4]

Dear Loopedd,
I like the essay, because I can feel very connect with you. I came here in 2010.
I feel that the essay can be more personal though. Maybe have more anecdote ?
I feel like you have good points to make, but it is kind of plain right now, so it probably needs a more strong focus.

I think college would love to see yourself from a specific anecdote or incident. Just by portraying an anecdote, you can show yourself from that.

Laura
EssayLuoLoL   
Dec 7, 2012
Undergraduate / Overcoming Shyness - Significant Challenge [4]

Dear lalala
I think the general thoughts behind your essay is very good. College likes to see how you overcome yourself, and become more confident.
But I think you should have an anecdote so that it can make the essay more vivid. Right now, you essay tells too much, and makes it seem kind of boring.

Remember when you writing essays, you should show more than merely tell the story. Anecdotes are very important
Like have an incident, like when the teacher pick you up to read an essay or something, and your reaction. and what triggers you to change. ----you shifts too fast.

Best regards
Good luck
L.
EssayLuoLoL   
Dec 5, 2012
Undergraduate / "Civic engagement is a cornerstone of the Duke experience" [5]

If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

Dabbling into the business field when I started working at my uncle's electronic store in China at age thirteen, I was entrusted with negotiating with customers, closing sales and collecting money. Such an experience catalyzed my interest in business, though my understanding was still vague. Therefore, urging myself to delve into the real business world once I came to America, I explored a paid marketing internship at Heart to Heart, a small international business that trades with China through E-commerce. Browsing through the Duke website, I am ecstatic to find out Duke's interdisciplinary Marketing and Management certificate program which will prepare me for my future career in business. While developing my interests in marketing through a liberal arts education, I can also explore the global economy through courses such as SOC 145/345 Nations, Regions & the Global Econom. With my cross-cultural background and an intention of studying international business, Duke will provide me with a quintessential platform to get a global perspective due to the Global Education Office for Education. Through the program, my foreign encounter with the different economic, cultural, and political values of other cultures can allow me to carry out a practical application of the theoretical knowledge of global economy that I gain in classroom setting at Trinity.

In addition, President Brodhead's eloquent words "Civic engagement is a cornerstone of the Duke experience," resonate with my conviction of pursuing a minor in Education at Trinity. Growing up in a teacher's family and with an ardent love of teaching others, I can see my deep-rooted desire reach fruition by committing myself to the Service Learning program and make changes through the DukeEngage program. Due to my personal struggles as a new immigrant and my experience of tutoring economically and socially disadvantaged students, I can see myself identify with them, understand their needs, and give them more customized advice; therefore, the Action Research Projects in the Service Learning program intrigues me to engage civically and make an impact by disseminating knowledge as well as realizing my own worthiness. Furthermore, when I noticed the DukeEngage program in Zhuhai, China, I was so excited that not only can I pursue my passion for teaching, but also help others by exposing the students to education that they have never before accessed. My fluency in Chinese can also help me and other peers communicate effectively with those kids. I hope one day in the future, I will leverage the knowledge of both Business and Education as well as other rich experiences I get from Duke and start an Educational Group to live my dream.
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