When choosing a college, you are choosing an intellectual community and a place where you believe that you can live, learn, and flourish. To this end, the Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals. (400 wordsïź
"Dear Betty, I came to Wellesley because I wanted to make a difference."--Mona Lisa Smile. My first "encounter" with Wellesley happened when I was still a middle school student back in China when I haphazardly watched the movie Mona Lisa Smile.
Deeply rooted in my memory is a scenery like a splattered palette, on which lush verdant meadows, Hogwarts like red-brick buildings, and the lake that mirrors trees and the sky add up together, creating a radiant community where women strive. I was so enthralled and stunned to know that there actually exists such a heavenly college campus on the other side of the planet. Fast-forward six years, now residing in California and carrying the distinct memory, I decisively put Wellesley college on the top of my list. Although raised up in a male-dominant conservative culture setting, I am ready to prove my worthiness as a women: a future leader, and roam freely both intellectually and physically at this all-women's college, which is the dream that Wellesley promises we women can realize.
After exploring Wellesley's liberal arts curriculum and contacting current students online, I instantly discovered the immense opportunities that Wellesley offers for an ambitious and independent thinking woman. With no constraints of traditional disciplinary boundaries, at Wellesley, I will delve into the unknown and quench my thirst for knowledge in different departments: Mathematics and Economics. A major in Mathematics at Wellesley will become an intellectual tool for me to sharpen my analytical and quantitative thinking skills and in turn empower me for my further education at a Business school. A cross registration at MIT in UROP program will offer me a different perspective of studying in a big research university and even a chance to explore fields that I never think of before. I will wrestle with ideas to collaborate with students and faculty alike to make sense of the messiness in life by participating in different on campus activities. Participating in Math Games as a recreation for us math geeks will allow us to collaboratively solve those fun and challenging problems in quest of the glory for our gender. Participating in the Wellesley Widows, an a cappella chorus, I will be able to continue my passion for music from a high school Women's choir to a college Women's choir and bring fine musical entertainment to audiences all over the US. Meanwhile, a job opportunity at El Table intriguingly caters to my taste. With my previous experience in serving food at my high school's lunch line, I aspire to join a student-run cooperative café because it as well can provide me with more interactions with other brilliant minds on campus and allow me to contribute my wisdom in making this cafeteria a better running organization based on the marketing skills that I acquired through high school internships if I am lucky enough to be a honored member of Wellesley College.
Deeply rooted in my memory is a scenery like a splattered palette, on which lush verdant meadows, Hogwarts like red-brick buildings, and the lake that mirrors trees and the sky add up together, creating a radiant community where women strive.
I love your imagery. However, this sounds a little disjointed and is too long of a sentence.
I was so enthralled and stunned to knowlearn that there actually exists such a heavenly college campus actually exists on the other side of the planet.
Although raised up in a male-dominant conservative culture setting, I am ready to prove my worthiness as a women: a future leader, and roam freely both intellectually and physically at this all-women's college, which is the dream that Wellesley promises we women can realize.
This is another sentence that is too long, I can help you, you could say it like this:
"Even though I was raised in a male-dominated culture, I am confident in my female self-worth. At Wellesley, women learn the comprehensive skills that allow them to excel as future leaders."
You can do a lot of expanding on this first paragraph. How does the scenery of the college create a radiant community where women strive? You need to talk about more than its beauty. You said that Wellesley is all the way on the other side of the world for you. Where do you live? What does your male-dominant conservative culture look like? I'm thinking Saudi Arabia? Why do you feel so strongly about proving your worthiness as a woman? There are a lot of women's colleges in America; what made you choose this one?
I will wrestle with ideas to collaborate with students and faculty alike to make sense of the messiness in life by participating in different on campus activities.
What messiness are you referring to, and how will campus activities make sense of it?
Participating in Math Games as a recreation for us math geeks will allow us to collaboratively solve those fun and challenging problems in quest of the glory for our gender.
What kinds of math games do you like? "Geek" is considered a negative term, so I would change that word. How will solving math problems glorify your gender?
I can tell that you have a lot of pride in your gender and a lot of passion for math and economics, but this essay comes across as very generic. Tell us more about you than you do about Wellesley.
