Undergraduate / "To be or not to be" ;UPenn Supplement Essay [3]

Hi, guys.

I'd appreciate suggestions on how to improve one of my essays for UPenn. I think the essay is better than average/good but it's not eye-catching. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Ben Franklin once said, "All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move." Which are you?

"To be, or not to be," is life's ultimate question. It forces us to glance into ourselves and search for answers to life's both commonplace and intricate questions. The subjects - human beings - travel along a convoluted path, encountering a chain of questions in their attempt to demystify life's fundamental meaning: who are we? In order to be able to answer that principal query, all of us must possess the ability to move.

Last year's events summarize my "moving" attempt to answer this question.

While most of my classmates were fervently occupied in completing college applications, I found myself pitched precariously in an argument between my conscience and my skepticism. With each passing day, I struggled to find an answer to how to tell - let alone convince - my parents to let me opt out of the choice of studying medicine at college. As the deadlines to submit college applications drew closer, I found myself emotionally perturbed and agitated, as I labored in my attempts to firmly grasp my dilemma.

Time ticked away with each passing second; soon, the scorching heat waves replaced the moderately chilly winter weather and high school finally came to an end. As my fellow peers embarked on the transition from high school to college during summer, I was left to repent my despicable luck. Assessing the possibility of being coerced into not being able to pursue my aspirations, I was left dispirited. However, I didn't realize that the source of my disillusionment would eventually serve as an impetus for me to turn my biggest undoing into my ultimate triumph. As my emotional discontentment grew day by day, I became empowered to take a stand for myself, sequentially resulting in me breaking the ice to my parents at a weekly family gathering.

The driving force behind my decision was that to move equates to to take an initiative. No matter what decision an individual needs to make, there is always a goal behind it. To move is the first step towards achieving that goal, and in order to move in the right direction, one must move in conjunction with his intuition. Hence, an individual's decision to move can only be considered right if it conforms to his perception. This epiphany has played a crucial role in molding my personality. I have come to realize that a plethora of solutions exist to life's commonplace questions; however, only a subset of those apply to a particular individual. The appreciation of this notion has enabled me to move frequently, initiating a tiresome yet worth-while process of self-determination, which culminates in me explicating the solutions to the question: who am I?

Benjamin Franklin characterized mankind in three interlaced terms. Exclusively, one term cannot elucidate the amalgam of an individual's experiences and observations. However, in an attempt to initiate the process of delineating a person's standing in this world, one must be ready to move and be ready to adapt to the rigors of this perpetual process. There is no end to life, and there is never an end to this arduous yet self-fulfilling process.

Words: 514

Undergraduate / Surrounded by spices - Looking through the window ;Williams College [12]

First post. Please review my potential essay guys. I wanted to do something different for this essay, so that's why I made an account over here to get your views.

Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

Sitting in my room, I gaze through the windowpane and focus my eyes on a familiar view. On the second-floor balcony of our residence, my mother is seated on a plastic pedestal, with her face engrossed in fumes as tear shimmer from her eyes. Surrounded by spices, two cans of water, a bowl full of lentils and a make-shift rocket stove, my mother is forced to cook our full day's meal on a six-inch wide terrace. On hot and humid summer mornings, her body is inundated in sweat as she moves from room to room, collecting ingredients and scurrying to take them to balcony before the water boils beyond its simmering point. On other days when a nippy, pleasantly zestful chilly weather serves as a respite for some, my mother is tested to the limit, as she anxiously waits for the wind's pace to drop behind so that the conditions become feasible to safely light fire on a stove - our source of bread and butter.

Every afternoon when my mother calls our family to convene at the dining table for lunch, I can fathom the pain and discomfort she has to endure to satiate our appetites. As I much on each bite of her delicious food, I can't help but reflect upon my mother's tenacity. Forced to cook food on the terrace for the past three years, her resolve has grown with each passing day. Ever since the day she decided not to use the downstairs kitchen after breaking ties with my uncle's wife, she has stood firmly by her decision. Even though every night she prays to God that her dream of having a home becomes true, she wakes up modestly each morning and humbly assumes the duties of an average house-wife.

I often reflect on the rustic conditions we live in and my mother's tenacious resolve when I stroll on the terrace. As I maneuver through the coiled gas-pipe connected to the stove, I try to vicariously live through my mother's experiences, hoping to someday be able to imitate her unshakeable personality.

Words: 344