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Posts by tpr2012
Joined: Dec 12, 2012
Last Post: Dec 14, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: Thailand

Displayed posts: 6
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tpr2012   
Dec 14, 2012
Undergraduate / was running for the president : EXPERIENCE-IMPACT ESSAY [3]

Please comment and criticize ...
Come comment and i will help with your essay as well :) but pls not just complimenting i need some criticism as well

What should I say? How should I begin? Will they like me?
I locked myself up in my dormitory, closing my eyes, deliberating. Many clichĂŠ speeches floated in my mind later to be blown away.
I was running for the president and even though the next day was Election Day, I could not think of any catchy of impressive speeches. I wrote many speeches and talked to my "twin" in the mirror to practice. As I was rehearsing, I heard footstep sounds slipping through the gap of my door. It was our dormitory teacher checking whether or not we were in bed. I quickly turned off the lights and jumped into my bed miserably and anxiously. Seven hours left before sunrise but my preparation was barely accomplished.

The sun shone over my eyes, waking me up. I kept my eyes closed worrying about my speech, dreading the next few hours, when suddenly an idea sparked in my mind. I rushed down the hallway to all the classrooms asking students questions and noting them down like a mad man.

The bell rang, indicating the start of election. I watched the enormous flow of students filling the hall, sitting nervously, unsure if I had a great idea or possibly a very embarrassing one.

The teacher announced," Please welcome LiuFunan (my Chinese name)". I walked up the stage, in front of hundreds of students, with the light in my face, and, for the moment, actually felt as if I was running for a Country's President.

My actual speech was in Chinese but this was what I said:
"Why do you all come to school?"(Many students shouted out "to study!").
I replied, "Not quite. We come to school not only to study but also to create experience that will embed in our mind for the rest of our lives."

As the audience sat there, waiting, I took a deep breath and went for it. "Would you guys mind singing a Happy Birthday song along with me? There are quite a few students whose birthday is today."

I read all the names that I had noted in the morning and asked these students to stand up. Then, hundreds of students sang the happy birthday song together with me. It was melodious and majestic.

"I believe that you all will remember for the rest of your life that we once sang a happy birthday song together, as an entire school, in this magnificent auditorium".

As the counting of votes arrived, I was sitting and carefully looking at the gigantic projected screen. Seeing my name popped up as the winner, I jumped up exuberantly out of my seat.

Given that speech and winning the election was not just a single moment for me. It represented all the time and effort that I put forth trying to overcome a language barrier and adjusting myself into the new environment. I look back at those times, the moments when I faced obstacles, and realized it was the combination of positive thinking, creativity, self-discipline, and a drive for success that allowed me to be where I am today.
tpr2012   
Dec 13, 2012
Undergraduate / I was amazed at all Barnard could offer! [7]

To me , I personally think that you already quite successful in describing the surrounding which help me and all other readers easy to imagine.
Its a great writing. Im lovin it :)
tpr2012   
Dec 13, 2012
Undergraduate / I was amazed at all Barnard could offer! [7]

You have a good narrative skill in order to answer those questions. But is all of the information true? or you made it up?
For example , in the first paragraph "Hopping on a subway and walking up at Morningside Heights", is this part was what really happened?
tpr2012   
Dec 12, 2012
Undergraduate / "Tao Kae Noi!" they called me; WORLD I CAME FROM ESSAY [4]

HI everyone, would guys please help with my personal statement pleasee :)

"Tao Kae Noi!" they called me, through the cacophonous sounds of metal clanging.
"Tao Kae Noi! Come over here and help us with this half-broken engine". I sprinted over to the other workers, avoiding the oil pools spilling about the floor. (Tao Kae Noi means Young boss in Thai).

Since I was young, I spent my afterschool and weekends at my parent's business. We import and export trucks: my dad works more on the business side with the hardware, while my mom manages the office and all the paperwork.

Engines were what I literally saw every day. Seeing my father work with them, I was curious about trucks and cars, and how their engines worked. How does such a relatively small component of the entire vehicle, generate so much power? To learn, I began by observing the mechanics. I pestered them with so many questions until I was fixing the customers' cars alongside the seasoned mechanics.

It was a really dirty job, with all the grease oils, dust, dirt and rust. Yet I find the smells of diesel, benzyl and lubricant oils almost pleasing, as they evoke the pleasant memories of tweaking an engine carbonator, or tinkering with the pressure transmitter.

I vividly remember the day my father and I flew to our factory in Japan, where we stored trucks and engines. I met a lot of businessmen on that visit, but one person that left a deep impression on me was Khun Joe (Khun means "Mister" in Thai). He brought us to his factory to see the engines for Isuzu and Hino trucks. I was mesmerized by the number of engines throughout the whole factory. Suddenly, a worker shouted something in Japanese, and the silence gave way to the symphonious humming of engines throughout the whole factory. Fascinated, I asked Khun Joe about how his particular engine worked. He responded casually, but his answer was so intricate that I wasn't able to understand. Returning home, I immediately started googling as much as I could recall of what Joe had said. It was a very long time before I could partially understand the engine's fundamentals that he talked about, but that moment, and meeting him, left a deep impression on me. It showed me how much more there was to learn, and more importantly, it revealed to me my own burning desire to continue learning more, to persevere and become an expert in this field.

I am standing in front of an engine with a wrench in one hand and a greasy cloth in the other. This is the world I come from. Not my familiar birthplace in Thailand, my school and home in China, or Khun Joe's factory of Japan, but simply the world of trucks, vans and cars-anything with an engine. This is the world I come from, and the world that I aspire to expand, one bolt at a time.
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