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Posts by ago1209
Joined: Dec 13, 2012
Last Post: Dec 28, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  

From: China

Displayed posts: 6
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ago1209   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / We build our own "winery"; University of Toronto-Engineering / Extracurricular [5]

Hey everyone~ I am not so sure about this essay~ I still have around 500 character to add. Can anyone give me some suggestion about how to improve it to make it more impressive? Harsh words are welcomed!

Engineer and Science Desire



"Have you seen the stars?" No. "Have you seen the cloud?" "No..." "What does the air smell like?" "It stinks." This is a world of my little new nephew Jia. Living in one of the most polluted areas in central China, instead of having a colorful childhood, his world was tanned into grey and black by hundreds of factories erected in the late decade. I want to be an engineer, so that one day I may find a cleaner energy, to help mitigate this environmental hazard of industrialization, and to change the life of thousands of kids like Jia.

Since young, when a majority of people tended to accept fact as it is, I was always curious about why it is like this or how it is made. It was this curiosity that ignited my burning desire in science. In high school, I participated in a lot of investigative research programs. The most interesting one is when we build our own "winery" in sophomore year. Intrigued to learn how the wine is made from grapes, together with three other teammates, we researched intensively about every detail of wine making. From selecting the grapes, cleaning, adding sugar and sealing, we spent hours and hours experimenting, trying to find out the best sugar/grape proportion and sealing period to improve the flavor and taste of wine. Finally, after 40 days of anxious waiting, when our first bottle of wine was produced, the sweet and gentle taste of our wine infused us with a great sense of accomplishment. And the days working with my team also taught me leadership and cooperation, this skills that I can apply to any situation that I would be faced studying engineering.

The University of Toronto always has a very special place in my heart. Ever since I first went abroad and studied for a summer program in University of Toronto at age 13, University of Toronto became the school that fits all my expectations of an ideal place for study. As a girl with various extracurricular interests, the unique residential college system, the multicultural environment as well as the vibrant and eventful student life all prepare me to delve into many facets of interests in dance, debate, and language study. As a girl with a particular curiosity in engineering and technology, I need a community that encourages creativity and innovative ideas. I feel the state-of-the-art engineering program would be my best place to be challenged. From the highly regarded interdisciplinary education to the opportunity of academic advancement, I know that the University of Toronto can offer me exactly what I need to become a successful engineer in the future.
ago1209   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Flexibility & Collaborativeness/ "We are not rich"; Tufts Supp; Curriculum/ Community [3]

[quote=koliva223]. Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: ''Why Tufts?'' (Suggested length is 50-100 words .)

Tufts makes me feel as if even during growth, I am still apt to contribute to world discussions. The flexibility in its curriculum with the option of double majors and minors is very appealing.Tufts is very clearly clear to me, a collaborative school. The university doesn't hide information from its students (or prospective students), but instead asks "What do you want to know?" That assures me that I have a voice I will have a voice there. Its location in the city of Boston and the quality and resources within the academic facilities also tell me that I could be my best at Tufts. (98 words)

2.There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised-your family, home, neighborhood, or community-and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)

"Mommy, are we rich?" At five years old, I looked up at my mother standing by my family's shared perfume stand; the female and Le Male scents were intermixed. She stumbled into the living room to catch her breath from her laughter. My father inquired "żQuĂŠ pasĂł Kayla?" Hurt, I asked him the same question. His laughter soothed my naivete. "No. We're not." I had always lived a comfortable life with my parents. They never divulged their financial state until I was applying to boarding school with Prep 9, yet I was often importuned to appreciate the things I have and to understand that "money doesn't grow on trees."

"You didn't know you lived in the projects all this time?"(What project? I don't quite follow here, could you be more specific?) Jonathan from the second floor confronted me in the 7th grade. I only knew my life's circumstances , which were very different from those on TV. I spoke to my parents in either Spanish or English, and made weekly phone calls to my Honduran relatives. Yet, my brother and I always watched "Good Times" and "What's Happening?"in the car, while my father praised Venezuelan President Chavez's policies, or my mother updated my father on my Taekwondo pum belt. I was raised in a comfortable, clean and orderly, one bedroom apartment on the third floor of 41-04 on Vernon Boulevard for most of my life. I have never looked at the "Welcome to Queensbridge South Houses" with chagrin. My upbringing and my involvement in Prep 9 shortly after making this connection are to thank. (253 words)

I think this essay answers the part of the question about your upbringing well, but it did not convey much information about how it influenced the person you are today. I suggest you to take off some details in the second paragraph and replace the space to talk about yourself.
ago1209   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / I met Johnny/ A great coach; Common App [2]

(I don't quite follow the last sentence. I think the essay ends well without it.)

I think your selection of topic is great~ I like your story and your mention of the importance of conversation. Though I suggest you reconstruct your essay and put some more detail not about what your conversation with johnny about(say, what did he tell you about this life, any inspiring moment of truth).

A good start! Good luck with the revision!

Can you help me with mine too! thanks!
ago1209   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Hispanic spirit; Grinnell App; Culture/People I like to get to know about? [5]

Hi guys~~ I am about to submit the supplement essay for Grinnell~~ Can someone help me with this~any comment is welcomed!!! thanks a lot!

One of the fascinating qualities of Grinnell College is the diversity of its student body. Grinnell students come from around the world and from innumerable socioeconomic, religious, and cultural backgrounds. What place, people, or culture would you like to get to know better and why? (approximately 250 words)----

If I could pick my roommates at Grinnell, I hope one of them would be a Spanish speaker. As a result, I have a closer understanding of this culture I am always mesmerized about.

Ever since I started learning Latin dance at six, I was deeply amazed by passion, tension, and confidence in every movement of Latin dance. And this love about dance gradually ignites my curiosity about the Hispanic culture, a culture that uses different forms of arts to express their praise toward life. Three years ago in the study abroad program in University of Oxford, I met my first Spanish friend, Jose, a boy with a typical Mediterranean optimism. He told me: the essence of Hispanic culture lies in the appreciation of life and freedom. "You never know if you will open your eyes and see the world again the next morning or not, so there is no reason why you shouldn't enjoy your life today as much as you can."

Jose's word greatly touched my heart. Deeply fascinated by the free Hispanic spirit, which is so distinct from the Chinese philosophy, I started to learn Spanish by myself. Gradually, as I became familiar with this culture, I found that this respect to life and freedom is everywhere in Spanish literature and artworks: from the Cervantes' classic-romantic freedom in Don Quijote, to Verasquez's recall of humanistic care in his religious painting, then to Pedro AlmodĂłvar's re-definition of love and life in his movie "Habla Con Ella". I hope one day I could experience more aspects of this beloved culture and people, and the Grinnell's extensive study-abroad resources and the outstanding foreign language programs will give me the best preparation for this big Spanish dream!
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