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Posts by EpsilonDelta
Joined: Dec 13, 2012
Last Post: Oct 24, 2013
Threads: 2
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EpsilonDelta   
Oct 24, 2013
Undergraduate / "A Background or Story so central to my Identity" - My Common App Essay [3]

Hello all. So here's my common app essay: (Personally, I think it too trite and overdone, but my English teacher said it to be "remarkably interesting.."

Just fishing for some second opinions...

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (250-650 Words).

The world was but a delicate network of dirty little alleyways. Scattered here and there were cramped dingy houses that provided a comfortable shade from the sweltering heat. Familiar accents and intonations of local Sri Lankan dialects rang in the air as market goers chattered with each other. That network of dirty little alleyways, enveloped in all its muddy and dilapidated glory, was where I grew up; it was my entire world.

You see, I'm what you would call the "0.5 generation," part of a generation consisting of those who immigrate to a new country at a young age. Some say that these half-generations belong nowhere, that they are essentially caught between two entirely different worlds, and for a period of my life, I believed they were right.

I clearly remember those early years of American School for us, that during school lunches, I would look at around the room at the delicacies around me and then at mine in dismay. Bacon and PB&J were exotic elegances that I could only dream of. I disdainfully and wistfully stared down at my lunch, trying to imagine what turkey on Thanksgiving tasted like. What I did not realize was that this experience was universally shared by all immigrants: the Pakistani kid at the table next to me, the Ecuadorian in my class, and the Colombian I played with at recess.

As time passed, I looked back on those things I thought and smirked to myself. Over the years, I became more aware of the universality of immigration and I gained enough confidence to initiate conversation with others. Because of financial difficulties in the first few years of immigration, my family moved from place to place and as a result, I was exposed to a medley of cultures. My circle of friends in school expanded to include families from Korea, Peru, India, and Russia. When I went to their houses after school, their parents offered food ranging from roti to kimchee. Being observant by nature, I noticed the differences in the interior decorations - oil paintings, African sculptures, Persian carpets, scents of candles, incense and coconut milk, and distinctive handicrafts. Some parents greeted me with hugs and grins, while others were more reserved and offered nothing more than a polite smile.

As I grew older and my family moved from that large city to a conservative communal community, I realized the significance of diversity and started appreciating America's multiculturalism. While volunteering at my local hospital, I learned from nurses about their lives in Nigeria. My Korean classmate taught me (rather unsuccessfully) how to use chopsticks and I learned how to fold origami from a Japanese exchange student. I became more aware of the cultural impacts around me, and was fascinated by just how, still in a predominantly conventional "American town" there were still pockets of different cultures. I recognized that because of my cultural roots, I could move anywhere, and still stay connected to who I was, a Sri Lankan; my place in the "0.5 generation" was not something to loathe, it was something to embrace.

Bearing this new mindset, I returned to Sri Lanka years later. To my surprise, the alleyways were still there. They were just as dirty, just as crowded, and just as familiar. Retracing my steps one afternoon, I realized I was hearing the same local dialects I had heard as a child but they now represented something different. Even within these alleyways, I recognized diversity, however slight and subtle. Grateful for having learned to embrace everything with a curious mind and open heart, I closed my eyes and let the sounds wash over me, relishing in the beauty and intricacy of the world's greatest orchestra: humanity.
EpsilonDelta   
Oct 24, 2013
Undergraduate / Soft-spoken (Stanford Roommate Essay) [7]

I have to agree with the other commentators.. while I see what your are trying to accomplish, I believe you are going about it the wrong way. Words like "obnoxious", "rude" and "standoffish" are not appealing and are quite harsh.

Instead of "obnoxiously quiet" try to say you are "reserved."

While this is a roommate letter, being painfully honest does have its downsides.

My 2 cents.
EpsilonDelta   
Oct 24, 2013
Essays / Joseph Conrad's novel Heart of Darkness; Greed is the cause of the darkness. [2]

Overall, I could see where you were going with the essay, but there are some minor improvements to be made:

First, I see no clear thesis. There is definitely a coherent subject matter, but an introduction as to what your argument is would be helpful.

Also, do not use quotes in the introduction paragraphs; quotes are use to SUPPORT your argument. In the intro, you should not have any quotes or evidence - only mere introduction to the argument.

Grammatically wise there are some careless typos (Using double semicolons [not wrong, but unwieldy],"Europe has used the same reason for their imperialism and forced colonization of the "uncivilized" world for years; they claimed..." Europe does not claim; the Europeans claimed.

That's what I picked up through a cursory glance; I'm assuming this is for the AP? It is well written, though, and deserving of a 7-8 on the test.
EpsilonDelta   
Dec 13, 2012
Undergraduate / Governor's School of Engineering: Extracurricular Activity or Interest. "The Robo-T-Birds" [2]

"Pass me a calzone." The aroma of the Italian take out coming from the design room was enticing. A freezing, snowbound winter day, I decided to impede my rant on how unresponsive the school's version of AutoCAD 2010 was and grab a slice of pizza. An array of diagrams, models, and equations were our table cloth, and our plates, wooden blocks cut out from the woodshop next door. It was nearly 6:00, school ended about 3 hours ago and for many of us, Math League 2 hours ago. It was our last day to work and with time draining, I was drastically contemplating drawing our design through old world cartooning; however, before I finished, a clamor came from the cramped 8'x10' test room and to our horror, our robot's arm had dismantled and was lying on the floor, a conglomeration of wires scattered around it.

Now, just what was I doing eating Italian food in a claustrophobic workshop? I was working on our robot for the 2011 FIRST Robotics Competition held annually by the science organization USFIRST - in which student teams of various sizes ranging from Brazil to Turkey and from five to over thirty across grades 9 through 12 pour their hearts and souls into an inbred mechanical wonder. We divided up the work, programming, building, designing, and commenced, meeting every day, after school and when necessary, the early weekend hours to discuss and collaborate. Truly, it was an experience like no other; we really were more than just a mere Robotics Team: we were the booth at Mahwah day, the advertisers for our sponsors - both local and corporate - and the 5:00 weekly regulars for the local Italian joint. For these reasons being a part of Team 1672 Robotics - "The Robo-T-Birds" - is my most meaning extracurricular.

Thank you all. Any help would be much appreciated.
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