Posts by Kevin2013

Kevin2013

Dec 15, 2012

Writing Feedback / I ate the candy eleven years ago but the bitterness and sweetness of life remains! [7]

Well don't be discouraged, it doesn't necessarily mean your other schools don't want you either!

I think you need to focus on getting across what that "sweetness" for the candy really is. Define it, and make it clear.

I'm assuming it's charity or something along the lines of kindness, and the bitterness is hardship, but you need to make it clear to the reader because they might interpret it differently.

Kevin2013

Dec 14, 2012

Undergraduate / Columbia helps find a balance in life; NYU [5]

Yeah that looks really good! Can't find anything else to really change or add.

Kevin2013

Dec 13, 2012

Undergraduate / Common App Activities Essay - Advice and Proofreading [6]

mzontario

Thanks! Yep, I'll try and take out some narrative portions. 1,000 characters is pretty hard to work with :P

Kevin2013

Dec 13, 2012

Undergraduate / Columbia helps find a balance in life; NYU [5]

Columbia, paired with New York City, is abundant with opportunities. Its breathtaking campus is small enough to not feel lost in the crowd, yet large enough to meet unique people and explore NYC, from Grimaldi's Pizzeria to the Staten Island boat graveyard. Most importantly, it is easy to find balance in (deleted one's, a bit awkward in terms of wording) life.

Try giving an example of finding balance. You did mention the crowd size/diversity for meeting unique people, but I think that's common for a lot of cities/places. Find something very unique to NYC and Columbia. I would try the contrasting/different cultures and options in the city, ranging from food (dollar pizza near Union Square to higher end restaurants on the Upper East Side) to unique internships and city-wide opportunities.

Lastly , Columbia's focus on multi-disciplinary learning, especially through Core, is fundamental to personal development and provides the opportunity for me to apply my leadership skills and innovative thinking. In order to balance the stressful academics, exciting traditions (such as the 40s on 40s and the Primal Scream) are always available to let loose. Columbia is the one place where I can obtain a prestigious education in the most exciting city in the world has to offer.

Overall, it's very well written. I've never been able to write "Why (College)" essays very well, but I think you've nailed it here. Are there any other specific requirements/prompts?

EDIT: Wait, your title says "Why NYU" but you're talking about Columbia. I see you also have another columbia prompt, did you get the two mixed up?

Kevin2013

Dec 13, 2012

Undergraduate / Common App Activities Essay - Advice and Proofreading [6]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

"Pump your arms, drive forward, form, form!" The rush of wind drowns out my coach's voice as I begin cycling my legs as fast as I can. I feel the familiar rush of adrenaline as everything around me is slowly muted. The slapping thup thup thup of my teammates' shoes on the track's surface and my hammering heartbeat all gradually fade into the background. It's the end of a long school day, and I've finally found my moment of peace, ironically, in the midst of a physical battle within my body. During class, Nitrogen cycles, Freud's psychoanalysis, and derivatives don't do well to keep my restlessness at bay. As it nears the end of the period, my eyes dart towards the clock more frequently, waiting for electronic digits to strike 2:55. The moment it does, I tear across the field with my teammates to the 400 meter maroon oval. Left, right, left, right. Each stride brushes aside a worry and I'm at a rare peace where the only thing that matters is the solid, white finish line in the distance.

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Character Count: 1,014

Comments, concerns, and any other advice are very welcome! :)
I'm over the character limit by a bit, so any advice on cutting down would be very helpful too.

Kevin