Posts by GirlNextDoor

GirlNextDoor

Dec 23, 2012

Undergraduate / Since it looks like we'll be living together, we'll get to know a lot about each other! My roommate. [2]

Ah I just finished this one also!
Overall I liked your essay. I think the way you wrote your essay goes perfectly with what you are actually saying in it. I can tell that you are a very bubbly, and almost always happy person! I liked it but maybe add more about you and what you value if you aren't too close to your character limit. I read something that said that it isn't just about telling your hobbies and what you like- its about conveying who you are and what you value. But I actually really liked it and I loved how the way you wrote matched what you saying, so well done! And good luck!! :)

GirlNextDoor

Dec 16, 2012

Undergraduate / "the mind is key. Control the mind, control the body" : Yale Supplement [8]

Maybe it is because I am an athlete, but I actually understood the ending of your essay and definitely enjoyed it. Unfortunately I do not think the admissions would understand it. But I think what you wanted to convey was good and that you could still have the same topic if you wrote a little more about the ending and made it easier to understand for others.

Good luck! :)

GirlNextDoor

Dec 15, 2012

Undergraduate / Williams Supplement Window Essay- Any suggestions? ROUGH DRAFT [3]

Hey guys! So I had a really hard time trying to start this essay and I kind of just randomly wrote about an experience so do you think I should continue with this choice of topic? Do you think I need to write more about how it affected me? Is it too weird?

Its a rough draft also so things will get fixed up, but overall what do you think?
Thanks!
Here is the prompt btw:
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

Overhead the gnarled tree branches interlock and interlace, a forever ending maze with no beginning or end. The soft breeze through the trees creates shadows upon the leaves, making them dance and twirl, as without any care in the world. At first the world around me seemed dead quiet. There were no cars honking. No rattling sounds of construction or the shouting of men. It seemed completely devoid of life. Yet through the deafening silence sounds begun to emerge. The whispers of the wind through those dancing trees. The scuttling of animals in the underbrush and the murmurs of the water. I get up from my warm cocoon on the hard ground, shivering as I peer out of the mesh skylight of my tent to get a better look of the sky.

We were on the rouge river, and I was only eleven, undertaking a five-day rafting trip. It was on this river where the waters roared like lions and whispered like fairies. Where the suns warmth lifted the spirit of every soul. Where kids laughed and screamed as they jumped off 30 ft cliffs, with the raucous sounds of air, and then water, rushing past their ears. It was here, in this place, where I looked past the opening in my tent to the world beyond.

I expected the sky would be dark here, without the city lights casting the chalky gray cover upon the sky. But it was just the opposite. Millions, no trillions, of starts shone brightly in the sky, creating a sight so brilliant I have never forgotten it even to this day. My fingers fumble as I unzip the opening. Once I do I stick my head through it to get a better view of the world around me, for I prefer experiences that I see with my own eyes, and not ones through the paradigm of a window.

Word Count: 315 (Eeeek)