Undergraduate / At age seven, my world became one I feared; Stanford Supp/Intellectual Vitality [9]

This is a Stanford Supplemental Essay with the prompt:
"Stanford students have an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an experience that has been important to your intellectual development"
I would appreciate anybody's help so much! I honestly don't even know if it's a good essay or if there are any specific changes I should make...Help please!

At age seven, my world became one I feared. My world was a stage-a platform that offered no separation, no protection from the judging eyes of an audience. I was alone with nobody and nothing to rely on except the small, carefully crafted piece of wood I held in my hands. Fear took over my body as my knees shook and my hands quivered. The world of violin required me to perform, and I didn't know if my love for music was worth the anguish of performing.

I accidentally "landed" in the world of violin at age seven when my sister and I began casually playing with a children's beginning group. It was meant to be a fun pastime, but turned into something more serious when a teacher identified my potential and I switched instructors to develop my skills. I loved the music, and immersed myself in the classical art form. Over the years, not only did I master the lessons, but I also played countless hours at home, at the studio, at charity events, and with international students. I grew passionate about something completely unexpected.

But my shy personality still stood as an obstacle. I naturally prefer to stay within my comfort zone. Even since my first year in elementary school, I chose my words carefully, I remained cautious about who my friends were, and I never called attention to myself. "Outgoing" was something that was completely unattainable, and at a young age I accepted that. That is why, as the pieces I had to perform grew to be more and more difficult, I dreaded the semiannual studio recitals. I dreaded performance classes at camps and especially any competition in which I was involved. However, these aspects of the violin world are inevitably coupled with the joy of playing. And, at age seven, this was the world I chose, with the decision to compromise my own fears in order to further develop a passion.

What I realize now, is that forcing myself out of my comfort zone has made me more willing to take advantage of opportunities-within the world of violin as well as in past and future endeavors. I can achieve more because I am willing to reach farther. Being outgoing is still far from one of my strengths, but I am capable of overcoming the weakness that could be holding me back. My aspirations will not be limited by fear. I stand on a stage with eyes judging everything I do, but my fear does not control success anymore. Yes, I still am cautious. Yes, I still get overwhelmingly nervous in unfamiliar situations. But no, I will not let my fear inhibit my future.

Undergraduate / Stanford Essay: letter to roommate, I like health and coffee [4]

Stanford Supplemental Essay Prompt: Write a letter to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that helps your roommate--and us-- know you better.

Dear Future Roommate:
There are many things about me that you will undoubtedly notice without me having tell you. However, I am taking this opportunity to explain to you why I am who I am. I am dedicated, yet all hard work must be balanced with a certain amount of stress relief. This, I firmly believe in.

You'll notice my dedication by my obsession with health and working out. I am a triple and long jumper and I try to work out every day. Whether it is 5:30 in the morning or 7:00 at night, I make sure I don't miss a workout. I'll try hard not to wake you up when I creep out to hit the track (I am very light-footed). Also, because I am a jumper, sand is as much a part of me as my own hair. My socks are almost always stained, though clean, and my bags always are gritty with sand. It does create quite the mess, so I will invest in a portable vacuum for your sake!

My refrigerator and collection of food also reveals my dedication. Don't be alarmed when you take a peek and see Almond Milk and Gluten free bread instead of "normal" food. I am allergic to neither dairy nor gluten, but instead avoid those foods to help with my track. I won't be offended when you raise your eyes at my preferred breakfast of chicken and rice, either. My diet might seem weird at first, but I'm sure you'll grow to love the welcoming aroma of freshly cooked rice from my rice cooker! And, of course help yourself to any of the assortment of almonds, sliced meats, fruits, and vegetables that will be stuffed on my side of the room!

Speaking of food, coffee is my haven. A quality dark roast makes every morning a little more upbeat and the silky flavor pouring down my throat is something I can't live without. If you are a coffee drinker, you are lucky-I make excellent coffee and lots of it. I am from Seattle and coffee is basically the staple "food" in our rainy domain. When I sit in a coffee shop with the sweet aroma of coffee beans filling my nose, I work my best. The bustle around me doesn't distract--it excites me to write faster, concentrate harder, and think more creatively. Yes, it might be a crime, but coffee does help me with my dedication to everything I do.

I look forward to meeting you! My habits are pretty easy to get used to, and I can work around your needs, too. If you need alone time I can find refuge in a coffee shop. If you need to work out, you can join me at the track. If you need a study buddy, we can face the challenge of our classes together. Overall, I am excited to take on this year as a duo!

Sincerely,
(my name)