To be honest I liked the part you took out where you talked about the hot rod and the gym as I feel it added humor. However, I think you should use a phrase other than "As a proud member of the male gender" to start of the sentence. Other than that, I like the essay but maybe UVA are looking for a response that talks about why you like the notebook and its effect on you as opposed to just stating that you secretly like it.
There's nothing wrong with the essay itself, but the problem with the "Why us" supplements is that they don't really care about you as much as they do about them. I feel as though you don't address the prompt correctly because you didn't mention anything unique to Northwestern at all, bar the inNUvate program. All they want to hear is why you want things offered there and only there, try to be as specific as possible. The best advice I can give you is, after you write your essay ask yourself, "If I put that sentence in any other college's supplement would it still work?"
I really liked your beginning but I feel as if you went on too long about the chicken business as opposed to how it affected you. It was as though you were tight on words and rushed the ending. I suggest trying to include some of your EC's to provide further evidence on the effect the chicken business had/has on your life.
The previous two comments really said what I wanted to say. Especially with an event like this I can understand how hard it is to put your emotions into words. When I wrote mine I didn't care about the word limit, I just wrote. It turned out to be a bit over a thousand words but it's easier to mold your essay then as you have all your feelings on the paper instead of trying to quantize them from the start in 500 words. Try writing a whole other essay and then link them together?
I really like the idea but i feel you should add a bit more to the part pertaining how it has changed you/shaped your life. If you hit the word limit try cutting out of your journey to the gym...
As a fellow Arab I can sympathize with all your emotions but I really can't seem to find a point in your essay. I mean I don't want to come off as harsh but I really think honesty is the best policy. You spend more time describing Morsi than you do yourself. There is no indication of what type of person you are or why you would be a good addition to their university except for the last sentence in the third paragraph. And you really do leave the reader on an edge, just when I expected it to get better you cut me off (the third paragraph ended abruptly). I was left asking myself "What did he do?!". `I advise you to revise your essay and I would be happy to critique it again. Again, I don't mean to be harsh but I'm just trying to give you constructive criticism :)
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