Writing Feedback / Ielts:necessity of extra benefits for employees [5]

Hi everybody,
This is my ielts essay writing about necessity of extra benefits for employees.
Thanks in advance for your help.

In the current societies, whether the amounts of salaries paid to employees are insufficient has been becoming a controversial issue. Many believe that employers should raise the rates of numerations to keep their workers satisfied. I vindicate this opinion owing to a number of reasons, the most significant of which are better balance between income and expense, increasing employees' motivation and boosting the level of mental health of society.

The facts tell us that the cost of living has soared in recent years all over the world. This problem influences in particular the employees who receive a fixed and limited pay monthly. It takes demanding efforts to make a living. Hence, there is an urgent need to support them via allocating extra perks to them with the aim that they can afford their daily requirements.

On the other hand, being well-paid, the employees will regard themselves as a major member of the system in which they are working. In other words, given increments can act as an incentive. As a result, they will feel more responsible about their job and following this, their efficiency will be enhanced.

Finally, such added rewards can decline the high pressure of life on the middle class. Nowadays, concerning about the future has been turning to a serious obsession among people. Therefore, extra benefits such as insurance can make employees more relaxed and prepare more spare time for them to enjoy with their families. This can lead to a peaceful environment and even may to some extent decrease the rates of crimes.

In conclusion, advantages of additional payments should be highly considered by employers. Admittedly, as long as the employees have been a delicate group, it seems essential for related officials to care about their rational demands.

Writing Feedback / Taking a year of break between high school & university [5]

Hi everybody,
This is my first thread and also one of my first writings!
I would appreciate if you let me know your opinion about it.
Thanks.
***********
In current societies, whether taking a break between high school and university or not has been turning to a challenging issue amongst youth. Despite the risk of becoming hard to back to educational system, significant role of obtaining new experiences and independence as two advantages of making such a decision should be highly considered.

After years of study at school, spending a year in a totally different environment might make it difficult for a young people to back to academic environment. Since they may regard that it is a demanding process to adapt themselves again with educational disciplines, they may leave their rest of learning.

Nevertheless, selecting this option can lead to get a wide range of skills and experiences. Students who choose to travel or work have a unique opportunity to communicate with different characters and learn new things. This could make them more prepared to enter the university.

Moreover, devoting a year to journey or enter a profession after completing high school can breed freedom into juveniles. When they separate from their parents, they have to be more responsible and cautious in their expenditures. Thus, it might be easier for them to economize during their education.

To conclude, it should be stated although deciding this alternative has some advantages and disadvantages, I'm strongly focused on its profits. Since being experienced or skilled and having independence are features which could help youth during their education in university, no one can deny that dedicating a year to work or travel can provide these.