BNKSDeejay
Jan 2, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Skiing forward' - Williams College Essay: Transfer Applicant [5]
Either add "just" to "not merely my passion" or do away with "also".
I find it a tad awkwardly phrased.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a high level of sophistication! Love it.
chewbaccablack
I think the more significant "window" here is the photographs that inspire him. The first paragraph links quite nicely with that, I think.
Skiing has long been not merely my passion, but also my refuge from life's pressures
Either add "just" to "not merely my passion" or do away with "also".
Recently, however, skiing has acquired a far greater significance for me.
I find it a tad awkwardly phrased.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a high level of sophistication! Love it.
chewbaccablack
I think the more significant "window" here is the photographs that inspire him. The first paragraph links quite nicely with that, I think.