Unanswered [10] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by aqualad
Joined: Dec 26, 2012
Last Post: Mar 9, 2013
Threads: 5
Posts: 12  
Likes: 3
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 17
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
aqualad   
Mar 9, 2013
Essays / Reflective Essay; need advice write this essay [5]

Basically, I think you're being asked why does it matter to be able to clearly explain your thoughts through writing. All the questions are asking that question. You need to talk about how your own writing has developed to be more efficient and effective, and how your views on writing things have changed.

It's asking what this answers: orwell.ru/library/essays/wiw/english/e_wiw
aqualad   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / The Spider Playbook; Why Weiss School of Natural Sciences? [2]

Question is why the Natural Science school at Rice.

Anything big or small. I kinda procrastinated on this one. :|

When I was five, my mom got me The Spider Playbook, or something similarly juvenile, yet horrifying in hindsight. It contained pictures of spiders blown up to monstrous proportions, which I'm not ashamed to admit, would terrify me now. Luckily, five-year-old me was much braver, and he loved the book. It was his favorite book for years, only to be replaced when he discovered the Hardy Boys series. I think I can safely say that that book instilled a love of biology in me. As I grew, I continued to read more books on biology and animals, ranging from Where are the Animals Hiding to The Big Book of Garfield (he is a cat, technically) to the entirety of my 11th grade AP Biology book. And just so that doesn't seem like I'm claiming extra points for actually my schoolwork, we only used about half the book in class. Today, I can't imagine anything more interesting than biology, except possibly 8 clowns on a single unicycle. Biology is the art of 10,000 disparate parts coming together to create something greater than themselves, whether it's a cell or a biosphere. It's more complex than Ulysses, more unpredictable than physics, and more useful than Norwegian Studies. It's one of the things I love most (besides, y'know, my family), and I want to be great at it. The Weiss school is a place where than can happen. It's a place where I can do meet people just as interested in science as I am, and learn from professors who are at the cutting edge of their field. It's a place where I can take a class in the morning and conduct research in the afternoon. It's a place where I can grow, both in knowledge and as a person.
aqualad   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / I'm not a man of enormous wealth; What do you add to Rice? [3]

Haha thanks!

I was hoping people would get the BOM reference. The soundtrack is amazing!

What? You mean you have good taste? Also, I don't think you should say that you're famous for your taste if you aren't going to explain your famousness.

It's a play on "Sympathy for the Devil" Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste...

If it raises your self-esteem, I thought the exact same thing on your essay. I was like Crap! I've never done anything! I'm not going to get in anywhere!!
aqualad   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Travel - new perspective - Rice University [4]

You should probably draw more of a connection between the headhunters at the beginning and Angelique. I didn't realize you were talking about the same group of people until the end.

And I agree with omergoktug. You should talk some more about how they influenced your perspective. You have as much space as you want.

differences as what

are what

Look at mine? I'm writing the same essay.
aqualad   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / I'm not a man of enormous wealth; What do you add to Rice? [3]

Full question: A. The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)

Do you think I should tone it down? I think I'm coming through as extremely sarcastic. But other than that, any general/ specific issues?

I'm a bisexual, semi-libertarian, vegetarian, hard-rock listening, nature-loving Eagle Scout who loves to cook and watches TV semi-fanatically. Whew.
Now that introductions are out of the way, please allow me to introduce myself. I'm not a man of enormous wealth, but if I can say it without sounding arrogant, I am one who can taste. I'm famous for it. And there goes the requisite ice breaker, so I can get on to talking about myself and how particularly awesome I am.

Now, culturally, I am like many Americans. I come from a family where one of my parents is more religious than I am, and I allow myself to be shepherded to one or two big celebrations a year in order to appease her. Of course, for me its Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, but the general intent is the same. Just to get it out there: I'm thoroughly agnostic. I don't care much if God exists or not, and the jury's still out in my mind if religion is a good thing. But there is one thing about religion, specifically Judaism, which I do appreciate. Every Friday night is a holiday- the Sabbath. In my family, that means everyone sits down together and eats a delicious meal. It serves as a way to connect a family together through a shared activity. It's also instilled in me a lifetime love of cooking. It's like therapy and stress relief rolled into one, and it is something I do intend to continue doing, if in any way possible.

Now comes the part of the essay that gets a little bit sad. You see, when I was a baby, I was left by my parents at the Grand Canyon. My parents realized I was gone 2.34 minutes later, found me, and divorced sixteen years later. Of course, that has not particularly influenced my perspective, other than leading me to believe life is a vast and hopeless wasteland that we all enter and leave cold, naked, and afraid. What's more important is to talk about the differences between them and how that has influenced me. Ignoring personality issues (which, frankly, are none of your business and I'm really not sure why you're asking) my parents are very different philosophically. My mom is a socialist, vegetarian, Orthodox Jewish social worker, and my dad is a carnivorous, libertarian, atheist businessman who's big on pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. Both are big on emphasizing their own beliefs, and they tend to cancel each other out. Consequently, I'm currently a collection of bizarre non-sequiturs and seeming contradictions due to having formed my own opinions on basically everything. The exceptions are synchronized swimming and curling: no one in my family can grasp their elusive mysteries. Just as a short list: I read Atlas Shrugged and then proceeded on to the Bible. I'm pro-choice, but I view abortion as murder. I'm team Bella.

Perhaps most importantly I've got an international perspective: I've been to Canada. Also, ever since 2009, I have been talking to adults and teenagers in nearly 30 other countries almost every day. It's because of an online game called travian, and, yes, I am going to explain why this is not just me talking about a hobby. Basically, travian is designed to be a team game, with alliances ranging anywhere from 30 to 300 accounts, with some accounts having more than one person on them. I've been in a particular alliance for about two and a half years, and we use Skype to communicate. There's on average, maybe 150 people in the alliance. Now here's what I've been getting to: only about half the alliance is American. The rest are Australian, New Zealanders, Canadian, Indian, Iranian, Turkish, Norwegian, Israeli, anywhere where people speak English. And, it turns out, throwing 100 or so people, from dozens of countries, connected by one interest, into a particular Skype room leads to people shouting at each other a lot about basically anything. I've logged on to find a Norwegian socialist debating an American tea partier about the use of GM crops in Germany and Colorado. Or an Australian engineering professor, a strange Danish man, and an Israeli student vigorously debating Israel's foreign policy. And at this point, you're probably like "So he spends a possibly unhealthy amount of time on the internet, that's... well, normal, actually." But here's why I'm even bothering to bring this up at all: I honestly can't think of a better way to learn world opinion on various issues. I also can't think of a way to have your own opinions challenged more effectively. An uninformed opinion is a death sentence in an argument with intelligent people who have access to the internet. Frequent arguments with people from all around the world have tremendously shaped many of my own opinions, especially those that were very America-centric. Also, I was introduced to Iron Maiden and the Levelers, which would have been worth the sticker price alone. Overall, it's probably been one of the most educational parts of my life. I've discussed graduate theses on the role of females in Arthurian Legend, the importance of China in the world economy, and the economic troubles in Europe (with actual Europeans!). And, throughout it all, my grammars has survived intact.

And, now, dear reader, I believe our time together is at an end. And there's my perspective: An internationally aware person with strange beliefs about everything.
aqualad   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Art is both a great enjoyment & a powerful catalyst of change; SAIC/ More about me [3]

Very picky: Rome wasn't an empire at the time. It was a city-state.

As a boy, I enjoyed art. As a teenager, I was a visionary.

I'm a little confused what you're trying to say here.

hundreds of warriors and among them

Drop the and, add a comma.

Also, the transition from talking about the Horatii to talking about yourself is a little awkward.
aqualad   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Dream School; Boston University Supp- Why applied? [9]

and most universities in small towns have no major city nearby.

Well, duh! You can probably make this dry wit wiith just a little tweak. Unless its so dry I missed it. :|

BU is the perfect place that combines a major city rich with culture and opportunities with an active campus life.

Maybe something like "BU is the perfect place for me because it combines..."

After first discovering BU, the urban campus and strong school spirit appealed to me.

When I first discovered...

After finding out more about BU, I discovered its strong programs, emphasis on engaging with the community and diversity.

This makes it sound like you chose BU on a whim/its location.

In the second paragraph, maybe specify a few specific programs.

I've always been a tolerant person that treats everyone I meet equally, and I work hard not to let stereotypes dictate what I think of others.

Colleges assume this. You don't need to tell them.
aqualad   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / ICS program is one of a kind / Duke Sup/ Duke attractions [13]

In a sorority, I would not only experience fun and excitement,

You should change that to something else. The way it is, it makes you sound like a robot.

Also in regards to the Greek system, maybe put in something about how the Greek life at Duke is different from at other schools. The way it is now, it sounds really general.

earn under the best minds of the country

Some of the best minds would be better.

By exposing myself to a full spectrum of available resources, the Duke undergraduate program

This should be "By allowing me to expose myself to..."

Just a general note, throughout the entire essay, you seem to view Duke as a means to an end. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I'm not sure it sounds as good. Like you don't about learning for its own sake, but where it will get you.
aqualad   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Every student and alumni love Rice; Rice Supplement- Why Rice? [8]

Do you think this is good? Should I remove the last line?

Why Rice?

Quite simply, I've been interacting with Rice students and alumni my entire life, and nearly every single one has told me that they love Rice. I've sat in at classes, wandered around the campus, trained by stair-stepping at the track field, and done swim teams for years at Rice. I feel comfortable at Rice.

And yes, there's more. Rice has an extremely strong biology department, with the Medical Center literally right next door for research and internship opportunities. The psychology department is equally strong. This is all right in the middle of a city I like quite a bit.

So, that's the triumvirate, I guess. Location, academics, students.
aqualad   
Dec 29, 2012
Graduate / Pentium IV PC, my uncle's gift; SOP; MS in S/w Engineering: [4]

It was in my school days I started to develop a strong desire for knowledge in Computer Science and at the same time my paternal uncle gifted me a for securing 84% in my 7th grade. Due to this my passion towards Computers grew deeper and stronger and developed more interest to know on its working. My parents made me to join for a Computer Course where in I learnt the programming languages(C, C++, Java) before joining the undergraduate school and it was this reason I was able to fulfill my dream in pursuing a Bachelor of Engineering Degree in Computer Science.

Ok just first off: You don't need to capitalize computer, science, or course.

Second, your first sentence makes no sense.

For the second sentence, the end needs to be rewritten to say something like "developed an interest in programming."

Don't put "my parents made me." Just say you joined it.

learned, not learnt
aqualad   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Feel real/Citizens of the world; Princeton Supplement;Culture/Speech of Woodrow [14]

I would say go with Essay #1.

My primary issue with Essay #2 is that you do not describe how and why Mr. Ibling's words affected you so greatly. You explain your previous state of mind, and your current state, but you do not describe the transition. I don't understand what it was about those words, at that time, that so greatly affected your world view.

P.S. I skipped over your PS at first, so I thought these essays took place in some imaginary world that mirrored your own life.
aqualad   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Belongingness, Parents, Super ego; TUFTS - Why Tufts, Let your life speak, Nerdy side [4]

Feel feel to respond to as much or as little as you want. I know there's a lot. General or specific critiques are fine.

Why Tufts?



In the first 10 seconds of the Tufts information session, I nearly fell asleep. That's because the presenter, a nice man in a bright purple shirt and very elegant bow tie began with the infamous phrase: "We're a major research institution with the feel of a small liberal arts school." I'd heard that exact wording three times before. Then he said something that began my love of Tufts: "How many of you have heard that before?" I sat up, completely surprised. No other school I'd visited had bothered to do anything but read us a condensed version of their website. As the information session went on, and the tour began, I started to get more of a feel for Tufts. Other schools' guides walked around, pointed at buildings, and droned on about the Proud and Noble alumni and their extraordinary diversity. The Tufts guides made us laugh at anecdotes. They told us about painting the cannon late at night, their quirky classmates, and their most interesting classes. They made us feel like we belonged, like we were already there. By the time the tour was over, I knew I wanted to go to Tufts. I wanted to stay up late to watch the lights twinkle in the Boston skyline, to take classes at the Ex-College, to be a Jumbo.

Let Your Life Speak



My parents are divorced. It was as gentle as these things can be, and I'm not here to talk about how it scarred me for life. I'm here to talk about some of why it happened, and how those differences influenced me. Ignoring their fairly similar personalities, my parents are radically different. My mom is a vegetarian Orthodox Jewish socialist social worker from Massachusetts. My dad is an atheist libertarian businessman from New Hampshire who believes in a strong work ethic and pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. If you don't know, New Hampshire is about as fiscally conservative as Texas and Massachusetts... isn't. I've grown up hearing two different opinions on nearly every issue, and I've had to sort out for myself what to believe. It's led me into being a set of apparent contradictions and non-sequiturs. I'm an agnostic who's read the Bible and Koran-twice. I'm a vegetarian who can discuss the philosophical merits of Ayn Rand for hours. I'm a bisexual Eagle Scout. I'm a pro-choice advocate who sees abortion as a form of murder. I'm me.

Celebrate Your Nerdy Side



Id, as always, was in a foul mood.

"Someone has been eating all my toaster strudel!" he declared.
Super-ego glanced up from the episode of AMC's Breaking Bad (not available on dish) he was watching. "Couldn't have been ego. He's off reading one of those sci-fi books he likes so much. I didn't even know anyone cared about Han Solo's grandchildren."

Id grunted. "Doesn't even hang out with us anymore. He's always hanging out with those Jungian types. I feel like we're 1/x. A hole where our heart should be."

Super-ego walked over and patted his shoulder. "There, there. We're more like Game of Thrones without Eddard. Babylon 5 without Sinclair. Buffy without Jenny Calendar. Different, not worse."

"I hear he's dating Animus." Id said morosely.
Super-ego was shocked. "I never knew he swung that way. You think you know a guy..."
"Yeh."
An awkward silence prevailed.
Id spoke suddenly "Garfield without Garfield... that's definitely an improvement."
"Yeh, does anyone really care about Garfield? He's like The Mother. Always there, but no one really cares anymore."
"I care if Ted finds The Mother." Id said.
"Really?"
"Yeh, it's the entire point of the show."
Both Id and Super-ego fell silent again.
"We should find him!" Id shouted.
"Are you sure? We don't really mix with that Jungian crowd. Oil and water. Hydrofluoric acid and lye. Hamlet and Laertes." replied Super-ego.

"Absolutely!" Id was practically screaming.
"I don't know... He might not want to see us."
"I don't care! I can get less done without him than the immune system without lymph nodes!"
"Nice simile." Super-ego replied respectfully.
"Thanks."
"You're probably right, Id." Super-ego sighed.
"I always am," Id replied.
The two set off, skipping arm in arm down the synapse, rhyming all the way. Their story will continue on the next volume of ID AND SUPER-EGO'S MARVELOUS ADVENTURES with THE TRAGEDY OF THE MISPLACED SEROTONIN RECEPTOR!
aqualad   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Career in medicine; Duke Pratt School of Engineering Sup [3]

When I grew up, I would become an astronaut, a lawyer, or a teacher - just not an engineer.

If you have some more room, you might want to consider adding one or two extra professions there. Since your entire essay is centered on growing to appreciate engineering, a few extra professions would highlight your change.

Something like: I would become a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, a race car driver, anything- just not an engineer.

Also, if you switch astronaut with something starting with a consonant, it flows more smoothly and highlights the difference between being AN engineer and being a teacher, doctor, etc.

Even though I was set on going to medical school,

Maybe change it to something like "By the time I was 12, I was set...

research opportunities, as well as, internships

You don't need the commas.
aqualad   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Let your life speak/ Swim team community; WHY Tufts? [6]

Just a quick thing on your why Tufts essay.

The line : Additionally, Tufts offers a plethora of student organizations to join and get involved.

It doesn't really add anything. If the organization you're primarily interested in is the Institute of Political Citizenship, you can probably just transition directly to it. A better use of the characters might be to add another specific activity, sport or club that Tufts offers. Just saying that Tufts has a large amount of student organizations doesn't make your interest specific to Tufts. It could apply to any college, really.

My two cents.
aqualad   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Buffy the Vampire Slayer ; Common App- Character in fiction [3]

Thanks katev!

I was considering having that line as a prelude to the essay. It probably isn't necessary. I originally put it in because a lot of the other essays I'd read said something like "Oh, I had blah blah problem (unable to understand other views, enjoyed pillaging small English monasteries, etc) but now, thanks to (working at soup kitchen, building something in small Central American nation, listening to Beethoven's 9th, whatever) it's all better. I just don't really feel that's accurate, and is simply an attempt to trivialize major character flaws by saying one thing completely cured them, therefore making yourself more admission-friendly. I wanted my essay to say something different, more that "I have a character flaw, and this helped me identify it and start to move past it, but it will always be with me. It won't go away, and I'm not going to pretend it will." So that was a way of drawing attention to that difference.
aqualad   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Buffy the Vampire Slayer ; Common App- Character in fiction [3]

Part of me is wondering if I ought to do this subject at all. If I shouldn't, please tell me.

Common App prompt 4: Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

I'm just going to be upfront and say that I've decided to take a risk with this essay.
Throughout much of my life, my most important character flaw has been my self-doubt. I have fundamentally doubted my ability to make an impact on the world, instead feeling that I will simply be around for a set period of time, and then vanish, without a trace. It didn't depress me; it simply was a fact that hung in the back of my mind. I have a passion for storytelling; I didn't believe I could measure up to any of my idols. I love discovering the how and why of the world through science, but I could not see myself advancing it. I was stuck in a rut of my own self-doubt, unable to believe in myself.

That all changed due to a quirky show with a silly name: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. While I was watching Buffy, I loved every minute of it, and thought I was watching something great. I still stand by that, and it will likely always remain my favorite TV show, and possibly my favorite work in any medium. However, when I had finished all seven seasons, I found myself looking at the show more critically. I began dissecting it, finding the underlying threads that held the entire thing together. I read other reviews online, and gained greater appreciation for the show's depth. And when I paused, sat down, and re-watched a few random episodes, I made a realization. I was looking at a forest, not seeing many of the rotten trees that made it up. Buffy, unlike other cultural works I had looked at in depth before, rose so high, but sank so deep. It wasn't the Toy Story trilogy, which managed to soar without ever dipping, or Ender's Game, which always maintained brilliant pathos. Many of its episodes were simply not that good. Some, even ones directly proceeding or following the fairly bad ones, were brilliant, however. This contrast was what enabled me, in hindsight, to begin kicking my self-doubt. I didn't realize it at the time. What I did realize was that other great things, like Buffy, were not perfect, and that if my creations or discoveries were not, it didn't matter. I started to write whatever stories came into my head, dealing with everything under the sun (and some beyond it.) I began to use the educational channels on YouTube to listen to college lectures on everything from physics to medieval history. Somewhere along the line, I realized I no longer doubted myself like I had.

One of my character flaws today is still my self-doubt. I don't think I'll ever be able to get rid of it entirely, but then again, I don't think that anyone can entirely remove one of their flaws by anything short of a lobotomy. But due to one little show, I can see myself changing the world in whatever way I choose to.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳