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Posts by ayushgp
Joined: Dec 27, 2012
Last Post: Jan 6, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  
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From: India

Displayed posts: 8
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ayushgp   
Jan 6, 2013
Undergraduate / My Love - Soccer Commonapp Short answer Question [6]

Alright. Thanks a ton for your time and review!!
Editing an essay is quite a challenge especially if you have a character limit. First it was at 650 characters. I redrafted it, it went directly to 1350.
ayushgp   
Jan 6, 2013
Undergraduate / My Love - Soccer Commonapp Short answer Question [6]

"Football is like life - it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority." -Vince Lombardi.
From full on sprints to gain possession from the opposition to being as precise as staying on-sides during an attack; soccer demands the most, physically and mentally. I love the thrill and spontaneity of the game and the physical exhaustion that follows. Soccer helps me soothe my mind by drifting my mind away from the upcoming daily tasks and casting off other stresses. Another reason I love soccer is that it is a sport activity which helps to improve my strength, speed and stamina.

I have always naturally been good at playing as a midfielder because of my quick reflex actions, agility and ability to pass the ball accurately. I am not in the school team but I often play the game in a nearby field with my friends. The most exciting match I have ever played was against the students of St. Paul's school. It wasn't an official match and was played in a public field. The score at full-time was 5-6 with my team losing the match. Still it was the most fun match I had ever played because of the sudden turn of events in the match. Before halftime we lagged by 3 goals. As the match kicked off again, we managed to get the score to a tie, 5-5. We were just about to go for penalty shootout but they scored a last minute goal.

Hey moon05 I have revised my essay. Please review it. It is now a bit longer though. Please also tell me how can I curtail it.
ayushgp   
Jan 6, 2013
Undergraduate / Video Games / Game Programming logic; Common App - Significant experience [6]

The essay quote is - Please write an essay (250-500 words) on Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

My essay:
There I was sitting in the computer lab of Delhi Public School, RK Puram, waiting for our teacher, Mr. Rishabh Marya, to start the seminar on Game Programming logic. This seminar was nothing like what I had expected. It was more about codes than it was about games. Still it was an experience of a lifetime. Since I was a child, I was fascinated at how video games worked. This seminar answered many of my questions like: What the basics of game designing are? How games can be personalized by modifying them? How a world is created within a computer? How large scale games are broken down in different segments and how the work of completing them is divided in different groups of people? This seminar not only taught me programming but also taught me time management and work distribution.

Only after attending that seminar I became aware that Video Games have evolved from a fun way to pass time to a medium to express oneself. Earlier video games were obscure having only a single objective. Now they have come in a state where they depict the whole life story of a character and let the gamers experience it.

Does this essay fulfill the requirement of the question?
ayushgp   
Jan 6, 2013
Undergraduate / "celebrated, not tolerated"; Common App/Personal Statement(transfer) [5]

Also you have used I almost in every sentence of the essay. Try to reduce it a bit. The essay sounds a bit monotonous due to that.

I am passionate about it.

I fell in love with engineering when I was a child.

I grew up with my grandfather

I knew I would follow suit the first day I entered my grandfather's workshop.

I happily spent my time indoors listening to my grandfather

I believe speaking about one's dreams increases the chance of achieving them, so I didn't hesitate to tell my classmates all about the occupation I knew I would one day pursue.

these are a few examples from the first paragraph of the essay.
ayushgp   
Jan 6, 2013
Undergraduate / My Love - Soccer Commonapp Short answer Question [6]

Please review this essay. Your Opinion is welcome :)
The Character limit is 1000 characters. I have written 119 words or better say 650 characters.
The quote is - Please elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experience in less than 1000 characters

I think soccer is the only sport I love to play and watch. From full on sprints to gain possession from the opposition to being as precise as staying on-sides on an attack; soccer demands the most physically and mentally. I crave the thrill of the game and the physical exhaustion that follows. Soccer helps me soothe my mind by drifting my mind away from the upcoming daily tasks, and casting off other stresses.

I have always naturally been good at playing as a midfielder because of my quick reflex actions and ability to pass the ball accurately. I am not in the school team but I often play the game in a nearby field with my friends.

Thanks in advance
ayushgp   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / i was born in a small Indian village/ UIUC -Impact of past [3]

The esssay prompt is -
In less than 300 words, please describe how your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major. If you haven't decided on a college or major yet, briefly explain your intentions and aspirations for your first year at Illinois

I was born in a small village in central India. I studied there till I was in grade 4 then my family moved to a city. I was admitted to my current school when I was in grade 5. This was when I was first introduced to the world of computers. On the first day of school my teacher, Mr. Vishal, introduced us to the basics of computers. He told us about the things we could do using a computer. I was intrigued. I developed an interest in computers that day itself. But back then anyone who even thought of owning or messing around with computers was the perfect categorical reference of a 'nerd'. Well now technology has become the 'cool' thing, every class and social group seems in one way or another to have some connection with computers or computer technology.

My father brought a computer when I was in grade 6. Like any other child, the first thing I did was to play a game on it, chess. I wondered how a computer, a machine, could think like a human. This made me find out more about the 'brain' of the computer. I asked my teachers and their response was that I would learn about it in higher classes. Well I'm in the highest grade one can be in school and I just know that it works algorithms. This has mainly made me interested in choosing a career in computer science.

Please review it and let me know my mistakes ASAP. :)