xXWittyGalXx
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / I found myself averting from classical music; Common App [15]
it is better to replace those commas with and. commas can only seperate a sentence and a fragment but it cant seperate 2 sentences.
don't forget the comma after asked and capitalize the w in what
if you are going to use but, it's better to combine the sentences instead of making them 2 different ones
but if you want to keep it as two sentences you might want to use another transition word like however or something
I dont think you need the word 'the'
Also how old is Lang Lang? Is he around your age? older? younger? I think it would help with your point especially if he's around your age.
I like this version much better than the other one ^^ It flows more and shows a lot how Lang Lang influenced you.
You might want to change the word bedtime though. It refers to the actual time you went to bed more than the situation or mood in which you went to bed.
strange force compelled athe sensitive seven-years-old boy
blue is for guys, red is for girls; classical music is for old people, pop music is for young people
it is better to replace those commas with and. commas can only seperate a sentence and a fragment but it cant seperate 2 sentences.
asked "what are you listening to?"
don't forget the comma after asked and capitalize the w in what
I first met Lang Lang at his piano concert with my aunt's ticket. But it was not an ordinary concert.
if you are going to use but, it's better to combine the sentences instead of making them 2 different ones
but if you want to keep it as two sentences you might want to use another transition word like however or something
the Chopin's Black Keys
I dont think you need the word 'the'
Also how old is Lang Lang? Is he around your age? older? younger? I think it would help with your point especially if he's around your age.
I like this version much better than the other one ^^ It flows more and shows a lot how Lang Lang influenced you.
You might want to change the word bedtime though. It refers to the actual time you went to bed more than the situation or mood in which you went to bed.