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My cousin; Cornell University Sup - college of engineering

xXWittyGalXx 1 / 8  
Dec 28, 2012   #1
The question is :Tell us about an engineering idea you have, or about your interest in engineering. Describe how your ideas and interests may be realized by - and linked to - specific resources within the College of Engineering. Finally, explain what a Cornell Engineering education will enable you to accomplish. (500 words)

I think my ending is a little bit off and my essay is a little bit too long

The last time I saw my cousin, Mansour, was during my family's trip to our homeland, Senegal, in the summer of 2010. Then 4 years old, Mansour was a very lively, friendly kid. When he walked down the street, everyone would greet him, the baker, the mechanic, the imam, and all the neighbors. As young as he was, if you walked 2 blocks in any direction, it can be assured that everyone knew his face. Whenever he could, Mansour would sneak away to explore the neighborhood. Most of the time, he would run off to do what he was most passionate about, playing soccer. I was shocked to see him playing. He played with a group of boys, around 7 to 9 years of age. It was a sight to see, little Mansour scampering around with the big boys, showing off the few skills he had in his arsenal, trying to impress the others. Who would have imagined that in a matter of a couple of years, he would be gone.

My family had returned to New York by the time it started. I only heard bits and pieces of the story from the late night phone calls between my father and my grandmother but from what I could gather, my little cousin had a cancer in his left eye. In order to prevent it from spreading to his right eye, the doctors had to replace his eye with a prosthetic one. I could only think about poor Mansour. His young dream to become a soccer player was over. I thought that this was the end of the story, but it wasn't. I few months later, he was forced to return to the hospital. This time, he was sick in his stomach. The doctors ran many different types of tests and scans, but they could not determine the source of his pain. His health slowly deteriorated. After one bad fall off the hospital bed, he helplessly fell into a coma. On November 11, 2012 the 2 year fight was over. The once bright, energetic 6-year-old boy passed away merely 2 days after he fell. Throughout the whole ordeal I could only think that maybe, if the doctors had the resources they needed, they might have been able to at least diagnose his disease and maybe find a remedy to ease his pain.

By junior year, I knew that I wanted to be an engineer, but I was unsure of what type of engineer I wanted to become. After this incident, I now know for sure that I want to become a biomedical engineer. My goal is not only to create new useful biomedical devices, but also to help make them available to the underprivileged people and kids like Mansour.

In Cornell's College of Engineering, it can be assured that I will not only learn about the engineering aspect of this field, but I will be provided with an in depth understanding of the human body as well. The collaboration with Weill Cornell Medical College and the Hospital for Special Surgery will be able to provide me with real life situations and research opportunities that are closely connected with real life situations.

umecollege 2 / 17 2  
Dec 28, 2012   #2
Then 4 years old,

Grammar error? It doesn't flow.

But other than that, wow. Great essay and personally I liked your conclusion too. I immediately got the reason why you want to become a biomedical engineer, and it is reasonable as well. Congratulations
OP xXWittyGalXx 1 / 8  
Dec 28, 2012   #3
kks I shall fix it.
Thank you =)
OP xXWittyGalXx 1 / 8  
Dec 29, 2012   #4
Bump. Can somebody please help grade my essay?

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