Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by sarahjackson123
Joined: Dec 30, 2012
Last Post: Dec 30, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
sarahjackson123   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / The perfect balance of everything; U Chicago/ Why? [11]

Well, I love your aspirations and details as to how you plan to use your UChicago education, but I think instead you may want to open with an anecdote or a statement that draws them in. Don't sell the school to the admissions, sell yourself as a student! Open with something edgy or funny and then move into your essay.
sarahjackson123   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / The perfect balance of everything; U Chicago/ Why? [11]

The use of statistics and numbers throughout is unnecessary as it sounds like you are spitting back the paragraph they have convincing you in a brochure. Its a good essay and I appreciate the passion, but try and personalize it more!
sarahjackson123   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / New sense of bipartisanship/Ten things ; Stanford; Intellectual Vitality/Roommate [4]

Please edit/tell me what you think!

Letter to Roommate:
Dear Roommate,

Ten things to know about me:
1. I can speak to cats. Not to worry, I like dogs too (hope that avoided a future argument). Although I can't understand what they are saying, my meows generally provoke a response. Don't worry-I mostly speak cat to entertain myself. Just sympathetically giggle and I'll move on.

2. I am constantly fixing my hair. I'm not quite sure whether its entertaining or purely annoying to find me in a different hairstyle every five minutes. You will be surprised by the high ponies, huge buns or frizzy afros I seem to think I can pull off. We will get along best if, no matter the hairstyle, you tell me my hair looks good. (Oh, and good luck with the millions of bobby pins that will one day be living on the floor of our dorm).

3. I am either craving bubblegum or steak. That's a general rule.
4. If you don't already like How I Met Your Mother, please pretend to. I'll die.
5. Birthdays are my favorite time of the year. I hope you enjoy being woken up at midnight, having streamers draping every inch of our room and four birthday cakes throughout the day.

6. Sorry for my complete lack of music taste. You'll be listening to a slew of What Makes You Beautiful, Thrift Shop and It's America. I beg of you, please rescue me from my horrible music taste.

7. When I'm not listening to music, I'm singing music. I apologize in advance for my singing ability.
8. I've rode horses my entire life. I have my "it IS a sport" argument on the tip of my tongue.
9. I am a current news junkie. Unfortunately, this also means I am terrified of walking anywhere alone. Prepare to do a lot of walking.
10. There's nothing I love more than enjoying life to the fullest.

P.S. Sorry in advance for the messy room!

Intellectual Vitality:

When I was a young girl, my father often yelled at the television. Although much of his anger was caused by the Denver Broncos' most recent failure, the yelling usually stemmed from the morning news-specifically, political talk shows. As a young girl, I never understood his anger towards those with different beliefs. While my father held onto his anger, my grasped understanding of reality led me to my appreciation for the beauty of ideologies.

A previous prime minister of the United Kingdom, Harold Macmillan, once said, "Marxism is like a classical building that followed the Renaissance; beautiful in its way, but incapable of growth." Just as the oceans and mountains retain a natural beauty, I see a certain splendor in the varying concepts of political parties. Hayekian Economics, Reagan's Trickle Down Theory, and the concept of Marxism all share one common thread: an attempt to move society to a more evolved place. Conceptually, these ideologies are wonderfully sculpted by differing perspective. The Constitution, for example, retains years of research by the founding fathers. It incorporates representative techniques utilized in the Roman Empire as well as John Locke's theories celebrating three natural born rights. On the other hand, Marxism, although it deeply juxtaposes my own beliefs, proposes a political absolutism, promising utopia after the steps of Marxism were completed. This of course, gives rise to the question, "Is utopia possible using politics?" as Marx once proposed.

The use of ideology to create a more evolved society extends through every action of history. Stalin, for example, utilized Marxism as a guide towards modernizing Russia. Thomas Sowell, a historian, argues that his drifting from the laws of Marxism led to its ultimate failure. The power of politics is unending. I am so attracted to the incredible concepts that are fashioned into history. I believe that the study of these political ideas leads to an appreciation and bipartisanship that cannot be recognized elsewhere. In my own pursuit of happiness, I hope to intertwine political concepts to establish a new sense of bipartisanship.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳