Undergraduate / I had the opportunity to get involved in a program at the New York University [4]

As a junior in high school, I had the opportunity to get involved in a program at the New York University S chool of M edicine. The program consisted of SAT prep throughout the spring semester and then in the summer we shadowed doctors. In the fall semester, we are now receiving help with our college application process. When I applied to "The High School Fellows Program" (HSFP), I did not expect to be accepted, I did not put much thought into it. However, in February 2012, I received a letter from the program, I had gottenwas so excited to receive a response, that my cheeks hurt from all the smiling and joy. As I was opening the letter, my hands became tense and more tense. After reading through the black print, my grin started to fade as I read " Sorry". From that point on, I decided to stop reading the letter since, obviously, I did not get accepted. Tears welled up in my eyes and began rolling down my cheeks like rivulets. However, the following day I went to check the mailbox, and I had received a letter from the "High School Fellows" program. I did not want to open nor read the letter because of the previous ordeal, but curiosity took it's toll. I ripped open the crisp white envelope., and inside the envelope there was an apology letter. The letter had stated that the letter of rejection was not for me, but for another applicant. At that moment, I was on cloud nine. A smile was plastered on my face. My acceptance to the program made me feel very accomplished. It was such an amazing feeling that I had the chance to represent my school at a university. This was the most exciting time of my educational career because it was a time where I had the opportunity to interact with others who are aiming at the same goals as I am: going to medical school and having an interest in science.

One of the most defining moments that I experienced in the High School Fellows Program, was when I had to present my research project in front of 60sixty people. This aspect of the program was the most daunting. I was terrified to speak publicly, but I knew that this is something that cannot be avoided; it is something crucial in college. When the time came to present my project, my legs felt like rubber bands, the palms of my hands became clammy, and my lips felt as if they were glued shut. But I could not run away from the fear. When it was my turn to speak, my lips trembled as if I were standing outside in December. In my head I had told myself " Nayeli, pretend you are talking to Billy, your furry companion that cannot speak but can listen". Yes, it is weird to talk to your dog but it is what brought some comfort. With the image in my head the crazy glue slowly peeled off my lips and suddenly the worried lines on face slowly smoothed out; My mouth turned into an eager crescent shape. I was surprised at how loud my voice echoed in the room. For a person who is shy, it was a definite accomplishment. At that moment, I achieved a goal; I was brave enough to confront my fear. It might not have been a huge goal, but it was something that I wanted to fulfill and prove to myself that if I can overcome something so minimal, I can most definitely overcome the most difficult situations. I realized that there are some things that you cannot escape and this was one of them. The fear of presenting in front of a crowd was daunting, but when I realized that I had potential, it was the best feeling.

Throughout the program I learned group communication skills and the importance of working diligently. I had such recognition in school, and everyone was proud. It madeinfluenced me to look forward to interacting with other students and input my ideas. The experience carried along over to my classroom where I have had to present projects. I did not get as nervous, and I actually felt comfortable standing in front of my class. AtIn the end, I am glad that I had the opportunity of being part of this amazing experience.

hope this helps a little! you have a great story to tell!!

Undergraduate / "impoverished family status"; Personal statement [6]

Look Everyone! Mr. Destitute is here. Oops! Poor boy. ! My f riends used to cheer up in my presence. Maybe I was like a joker! Or, maybe I looked like a cartoon character! Or in what context , I never knew. I thought it was because I was their special friend - a destitute friend. "Destitute" became my surname after I joined boarding school in grade- 4. My surname was based on my "impoverished family status". I did not have the boldness to shut up the babbling tongue of my friends. I was alone. There was no one, not even a single friend to comfort me, to brace me, to reinforce me.

My f amily was in huge debt. My parents' hardship and cumbersome always alerted me to booster and exhilarate up, but, the abasement from friends surpass everything and subside my vigor of touching zenith. Everything gradually became invisible, and the dream, my parents envisioned for me translated into just a one-page picture in my mind.

My mother always said, "Do not desist and relinquish in hardship. Remember, success always chooses that person who dares to fight with darkness." Then, I used to compare my friends and their humiliation with the darkness and myself as a one-man-army, a hero, who is ready and vigorous to battle with darkness, to free himself from the everyday torture and depravity of friendly enemies. I was waiting that day - the day of the fight, the day of freedom.

Sewed tattered pant and rumpled shirt, carelessly inserted tie in shirt column, obsolete bag, shoes - the one used during the rainy season; my usual dress for school. And everyday, w hen I step my legs in front of the classroom door, the same drama begins: Destitute!

To become poor was not a wish of my family neither it was a lottery for them. It was a compulsion.

No one in the class wanted to share the bench with me. Everyone has their own reason, and their reasons was coherent - "I was poor and smell bad like a rotten egg ". My parents never told me, and even myself, I never felt like a rotten egg, neither I felt poor. I had heard "Poor are those who thinks poor and act poor" and I felt sorry for my friends.

I never quarrel with them for mortification and debasement they showed towards me. Not even once I managed an effort to reply them back. It was not because I was enfeebled or debilitated, but,i t was because I was stalwart to bear every debasement, and my tenacity was bold enough to appease every turbulent condition into tranquil.

Despite being impecunious, my parents fulfilled every wish I insisted. I never got a feeling of poorness. Even when there was not a rupee in my parent pocket, they enrolled me to a boarding school. I was not in the school to demean myself nor I was there to let my self-esteem adulterate. I have to complete my responsibility towards my parents like they did towards me.

I realized.that I cannot run away from friends daily humiliation because to run away means to forget my responsibility.

Eventually, every word my friends used to disparage me circulated throughout my mind like the fire of agony. My internal impetus aggrandized rapidly and bolster me to halt the everyday affliction from the door of the classroom; I outcry -"Shut up you poors!".

hope this helps a little!
you have a lot of fragments and run-on sentences. lots of commas!

Undergraduate / My nervous mind became filled with doubt and caused me to take an extra dribble [3]

We, (Team name), made it to our soccer semi-finals;, where we were matched up against the defending state champion (Opposing team name) high school. The opposing team managed to take an early lead on us as we were losing by a single goal. I dribbled the soccer ball down the field as fast as I could, with less than a minute left. I was about 20twenty yards, from the opposing teams' goal, when I suddenly planted my left foot firmly on the ground ready to shoot; I had the goal that would tie us the game and take us to overtime. However, my nervous mind became filled with doubt and caused me to take an extra dribble;, which resulted in me losing the ball and later on losing the game. While being humiliated and disappointed in myself I learned that, as Gretzky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take".

This quote is significant to me because not only do I apply it to soccer, but as well as to my growing experiential life. I am one who believes that fear should never be the cause of any type of failure; thatit would ruin your chances of accomplishing your goal. It is foolish to be afraid of something you have not yet experienced. I strive to do the best I can the right way. If you look throughout history many individuals, of significance, at one point in their life failed and but yet did not fear failure. They tried their hardest by giving it all or nothing while not worrying about any ifs or buts;, which in the end builds character and leadership.

As I get older, looking back at my life, I want to feel assured that I managed to give my most maximum effort and have had utilized all available opportunities. These efforts and opportunities that are given to me will help propel my future in a positive direction. Having this type of determination defines what I am capable of and who I am.

I am no longer frightened of taking risks. If I fail, I see it only as a gaining experience that enhances my knowledge and allows me to become successful later onin the future . I want to be proud and satisfied in everything I manage to do and attempt. I'dI would be honored to be admitted and allowed to further pursue my educational accomplishments at such a prestigious honors program at (College Name). I would be a fitting asset at such a distinct College because I am goal oriented, extremely determined, diligent, honest and responsible. Therefore after such experience I am always willing to put it all on the line in order to succeed for the better honestly.

hope this helps a little!
maybe talk about more risks, chances, opportunities that you've taken?