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business essay - 250 word requirement (proofread and tips appreciated!)


balletdncr3895 2 / 3 2  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
Prompt: Indicate why you are interested in a professional career in business, why you selected you major, and how a scholarship will impact your academic future

I have always thought about all the careers I could possibly pursue over time. My decisions kept changing, but my one goal in life remained the same: find something that I would love to do for the rest of my life and stick with it. Over the past thirteen years, my passion for dance has had a significant influence on my life, and I hope to open and manage my own dance studio in the future.

Throughout my entire high school career I have learned more about myself and what my personal strengths and weaknesses are. Some of my strengths include organization, dedication, and pride. With these noticeable strengths, I was chosen to be the student president of the Orchesis dance program at my high school for both my junior and senior year. These key strengths will also help me achieve my future goals in managing a studio.

In addition to my dance training in grade school and high school, I will continue dancing in college, which would require classes in technique, choreography, history teaching, management, and much more. Classes in dance, in addition to general courses and business courses, would require more time and tuition, and a scholarship would create a positive impact on my learning experience to develop into the best dance educator I can be. Training in dance is extremely important to succeed as a dance educator since I need to understand a variety of dance styles and technique as well as appreciate it on several levels.

Running a dance studio is a lot of work. I believe that a degree in Business Management-Entrepreneurship will help me achieve my goals and succeed as a dance educator and studio as well as an entrepreneur.
katev 18 / 120 24  
Dec 30, 2012   #2
Your essay sort of jumps all over the place
You only briefly explain many ideas/answers. Try to compress your mini paragraphs into groups of fluid and complete thoughts
Bikash2013 3 / 11  
Dec 31, 2012   #3
I think you have to change your last paragraph because its not relevant and parallel to the main body. Its kinda jump. Other parts are very good.


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