Posts by Goingsomewhere

Goingsomewhere

Feb 20, 2013

Undergraduate / I was diagnosed with orbital cellulitis; PERSONAL STATEMENT [4]

Once this coping mechanism became insufficient I turned to Gina. My nurse Gina would keep me company almost every night.

Once this coping mechanism became insufficient I turned to Gina ,my nurse, Gina would keep me company almost every night.

Gina made it very apparent to me that once I was cured, if ever, I would want to help children someday, whether it was directly or indirectly.

Gina made it very apparent to me if ever I were cured I would want to help children someday, whether it was directly or indirectly.

I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to do it but now I know that through advances in science, someday I'll discover how to prevent orbital cellulitis and other diseases or cure them quicker so another child will never have to face the lonely nights I did.

I was not sure how but I know that through advances in science, I'll discover how to prevent orbital cellulitis and other diseases so another child will never have to face the lonely nights I did.

Overall really well written. I enjoyed reading

Goingsomewhere

Feb 20, 2013

Undergraduate / Large class sizes & rare relationships / TRANSFER Objectives [6]

Think about this... I am a transfer student and I want to transfer because I have adsorbed all I can at my current school. I looking for a change and a challenge. Also a change of scenery those are just the reasons I am transferring this semester. Hope I helped getting you thinking.

Goingsomewhere

Feb 20, 2013

Essays / To what extent do you think that advertising shapes society? [4]

I have actually heard of young women gaining eating disorders from looking at model advertise in Magazines like Vogue and Instyle. I would start there how does advertisement negatively and positively affect our society. In one instance advertisement may have an adverse affect while others like Red Cross or the "It get's better" campaign have positive affects on society.

Goingsomewhere

Feb 20, 2013

Undergraduate / "I am 19, crazy, differently weird, full of life, and fun"; MIT UPDATE [7]

I want to start off by saying you sound very interesting and determined that is good. I also enjoyed reading your paper.

I am not sure what type of paper this is but you don't use an ampersand in formal papers unless have a title, Like "A&E" Also you don't use contractions like "Don't."

Also you should not capitalized things for emphasis, well maybe you can, I wouldn't though.
You should also spell out your numbers when you say "2 rods".
Two rods. I am not sure whether this is formal or not but get rid of "lol" and the parenthesis when you have an aside.

"I don't want to struggle alone anymore. I was always discouraged by almost every (including my parents) - one except by my physics teacher. "

I have been discouraged by many, including my parents, they claim that passion will not feed you. These people insist on forcing me into their reality however I am confident in my ablity to succeed doing what I love.

That is just a suggestion the overall essay lack formality. I enjoyed reading it but tie up a few loose ends and try to keep your personality in the piece without making it sound like an Email.

Goingsomewhere

Feb 19, 2013

Undergraduate / my journey to happiness ; VCU PERSONAL STATEMENT [3]

Hello, I need help with my Personal Statement ( to transfer to VCU) I had one written but the College Writing Center Lady said it was too Personal. She said write more about VCU so I tried to work that in there but it is like two different essays. Can you give me some direction

Essay 250-300 words Tell us about yourself and why you want to go to VCU

When I was a senior in high school I received an open house invitation to Virginia Commonwealth University it was the only school I had ever wanted to attend but I was too afraid to apply. Over the years I collected many VCU brochures at various transfer fairs and college information seminars soon they became less of a tool for success and more a reminder of my shortcomings. The depression I fell into led me to discover a fruitful sense of self. The first step I had to take in my journey to happiness was fleeing from a toxic relationship. In this union I was the abused and the abuser. I hurt myself with a sharp tongue and defaming words like loser, failure, useless, weak, and broken. I was convinced the world could see my lack so I wore these verses as skin but they were brittle and offer little protection. Eventually we must learn the universe does not coddle a shrinking violet. We learn humbling ourselves to a point of dysfunction is not only a disservice to us but the world. Denying the wonderment of our being is submitting to a falsehood. I found that I was strong and beautiful. The best thing about this understanding is convincing others of their worth. I am wake with the realization that nothing is being done to me but instead for my benefit. Experiences I was once ashamed of have become beautiful tools to help me flourish. I am no longer afraid to leap for fear no one will catch me but I am confident in my ability not only to stand on my own two feet but thrive.