jenarevalo15
Jan 13, 2013
Undergraduate / Track and Field; Extracurricular Common App Portion. [6]
Oh, that's right! In that case, it's fine. Just leave it as is.
Oh, that's right! In that case, it's fine. Just leave it as is.
jenarevalo15
Jan 13, 2013
Undergraduate / My Guitar; Common App-"extracurricular activities or work" [7]
I did :) That post has the shortened/edited version :)
I did :) That post has the shortened/edited version :)
jenarevalo15
Jan 13, 2013
Undergraduate / My Guitar; Common App-"extracurricular activities or work" [7]
nicolettec18
Thank you!! Here it is edited, please tell me what you think. I fixed the first sentence, do you think it starts of the essay better?
24 frets, 6 strings, and 5 chords. A combination of the three creates an endless possibility of portrayal of emotion. I believe that the way I express myself through a guitar is a beautiful mystery because there are no limitations to what I can say with it. One combination of notes can say so many things. A different set of emotions is brought to life every time depending on how I strum or pluck the strings of my guitar. Whereas with words, I'm limited to the vocabulary I knows, to a set of never-ending grammatical rules. But with music, there are no rules. I can strum a fast beat when I feel excited or use a melancholic plucking pattern when I feel heavy-hearted.
For most of my life, I have always been one short of words. I never really had a way of saying what I felt. For example, I was once going through a difficult time I just wanted to scream at the one who had done me wrong. But instead, I wrote a song with my guitar and that actually calmed me down. Playing that song said everything my lips failed to.
My guitar has allowed me to verbalize my emotions. Not only that, but it has also given me a way to deal with and control them.
nicolettec18
Thank you!! Here it is edited, please tell me what you think. I fixed the first sentence, do you think it starts of the essay better?
24 frets, 6 strings, and 5 chords. A combination of the three creates an endless possibility of portrayal of emotion. I believe that the way I express myself through a guitar is a beautiful mystery because there are no limitations to what I can say with it. One combination of notes can say so many things. A different set of emotions is brought to life every time depending on how I strum or pluck the strings of my guitar. Whereas with words, I'm limited to the vocabulary I knows, to a set of never-ending grammatical rules. But with music, there are no rules. I can strum a fast beat when I feel excited or use a melancholic plucking pattern when I feel heavy-hearted.
For most of my life, I have always been one short of words. I never really had a way of saying what I felt. For example, I was once going through a difficult time I just wanted to scream at the one who had done me wrong. But instead, I wrote a song with my guitar and that actually calmed me down. Playing that song said everything my lips failed to.
My guitar has allowed me to verbalize my emotions. Not only that, but it has also given me a way to deal with and control them.
jenarevalo15
Jan 13, 2013
Undergraduate / Track and Field; Extracurricular Common App Portion. [6]
It's really good but I think that you should maybe give a little bit of background information before "As time went by, our track program started forming into a team as people began to put their differences aside." Other than that, good job! :)
It's really good but I think that you should maybe give a little bit of background information before "As time went by, our track program started forming into a team as people began to put their differences aside." Other than that, good job! :)
jenarevalo15
Jan 13, 2013
Undergraduate / I was an international volunteer @ Jamaican Spring Break;Common App, Extracurricular [10]
You should make it clearer that the it is a little girl. Also, it seems like the whole thing is focused on her. It's a good idea to put her in it but it should not be the core of your essay.
You should make it clearer that the it is a little girl. Also, it seems like the whole thing is focused on her. It's a good idea to put her in it but it should not be the core of your essay.
jenarevalo15
Jan 11, 2013
Undergraduate / My Guitar; Common App-"extracurricular activities or work" [7]
Is this good enough? Too much show, not enough tell? Please correct me on anything!
I play guitar not to show off or put myself in the center of attention, but to express myself when words are not enough.
I believe that expressing oneself through an instrument is a beautiful thing because there are no limitations to what one can say with it. One combination of notes can say so many things. A different set of emotions is brought to life every time depending on how one strums or plucks the strings of a guitar. Whereas with words, one is limited to the vocabulary one knows, to a set of never-ending grammatical rules. But with music, there are no rules. One can strum a fast beat when feeling excited or use a melancholic plucking pattern when feeling heavy-hearted.
My guitar has allowed me to verbalize my emotions. Not only that, it has also taught me that one does not need classes if one is truly passionate about something. It's the passion that makes one persevere and makes one strive towards perfection in hopes of someday mastering the act.
Is this good enough? Too much show, not enough tell? Please correct me on anything!
I play guitar not to show off or put myself in the center of attention, but to express myself when words are not enough.
I believe that expressing oneself through an instrument is a beautiful thing because there are no limitations to what one can say with it. One combination of notes can say so many things. A different set of emotions is brought to life every time depending on how one strums or plucks the strings of a guitar. Whereas with words, one is limited to the vocabulary one knows, to a set of never-ending grammatical rules. But with music, there are no rules. One can strum a fast beat when feeling excited or use a melancholic plucking pattern when feeling heavy-hearted.
My guitar has allowed me to verbalize my emotions. Not only that, it has also taught me that one does not need classes if one is truly passionate about something. It's the passion that makes one persevere and makes one strive towards perfection in hopes of someday mastering the act.
jenarevalo15
Jan 11, 2013
Undergraduate / Biofuel Research Program/ Metro Magic Lacrosse;Common App- Summer Activity(2 options) [3]
I like the second one better because it shows the passion you have for lacrosse. I think that the real you shines more the option two.
I like the second one better because it shows the passion you have for lacrosse. I think that the real you shines more the option two.
jenarevalo15
Jan 11, 2013
Undergraduate / Cultural barriers/ Forming friendships; LOYOLA MARYMOUNT/ Critical Thinking [4]
We're doing the same prompt! :)
While your story is definitely captivating and is sure to grab the reader's attention, I do not see where it is you applied critical thinking.
Do please help me with mine! Thank you!
We're doing the same prompt! :)
While your story is definitely captivating and is sure to grab the reader's attention, I do not see where it is you applied critical thinking.
Do please help me with mine! Thank you!
jenarevalo15
Jan 11, 2013
Undergraduate / BREAKING POINT; Loyola Marymount Sup: Situation in which you used critical thinking [2]
STATEMENT 2: Speaking about education, Dr. Martin Luther King once said, "The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education."
QUESTION 2: Critical thinking is a central goal of Jesuit education, and at LMU you'll be asked to think critically and intensively in every class. Dr. King suggests that critical thinking results in our ability to inform intelligence with character, and strengthen character with intelligence. Please talk about a situation that demanded critical thinking from you, and how your choices or decisions integrated intelligence and character.
DOES IT ANSWER THE PROMPT??
I was torn between the thought of remaining in a hospital bed with a slight chance of getting better or living the remainder of my life the way I wanted to live it. In the year of 2011, I underwent a cancer scare that drastically changed my way of living.
When I was in fifth grade I noticed a lump on my chest and decided to ignore it. The main reasons being fear of the unknown and fear of dying. Throughout the years, It did not really bother me. But that changed once I entered high school. I felt like everyone could tell and judged me because of it. By then I knew more about health issues such as breast cancer and other complications. During the first half of my sophomore year, the words "cancer" and "death" echoed in the back of my mind. I constantly thought about how It eventually started to take it's toll on me. I had kept it all a secret for five years. No one else knew about it. Everyone could see that I was physically and emotionally damaged.
In my mind, I knew that I needed to go to the hospital. The physical pain was getting worse as time passed on. Throughout the whole time I had two thoughts constantly running about it my mind. I remember thinking that If it was breast cancer, I would probably end up in a hospital bed on chemotherapy and I would no longer be able to live my life the way I wanted to. On the other hand, if I did not tell anyone, I would be allowed to live the possible last years of my life normally. I wanted to live, but I did not want to take a chance and spend the remainder of my life miserable on chemotherapy.
Eventually both the physical and emotional pain became too much and it led me to my breaking point. I finally told my parents and we went to the hospital.
A week after the biopsy, the results came in and it was simply a Fibroadenoma. A benign tumor made up of breast gland tissue. In the time in between, I focused on how I had lived my life up until that point. I had always blamed other people for my distaste towards life, I had only lived for myself, and I had never stepped out of my comfort zone. .
Looking back at this cancer scare, I believe I made the right decision. Not only did it prove to me the the unknown is not always something we need to fear, but it also gave life a whole new meaning. This blessing in disguise has sculpt me into the person I am today. If it weren't for this cancer scare, I would still be living my selfish, always on the safe side life. But II appreciate life so much more now. I take time to appreciate the little things. I try to step out of my comfort zone and I try my best to help people every chance I get.
Please Help! Any feedback is very much appreciated!
I will happily help anyone with their essay if they help me with mine!
STATEMENT 2: Speaking about education, Dr. Martin Luther King once said, "The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education."
QUESTION 2: Critical thinking is a central goal of Jesuit education, and at LMU you'll be asked to think critically and intensively in every class. Dr. King suggests that critical thinking results in our ability to inform intelligence with character, and strengthen character with intelligence. Please talk about a situation that demanded critical thinking from you, and how your choices or decisions integrated intelligence and character.
DOES IT ANSWER THE PROMPT??
I was torn between the thought of remaining in a hospital bed with a slight chance of getting better or living the remainder of my life the way I wanted to live it. In the year of 2011, I underwent a cancer scare that drastically changed my way of living.
When I was in fifth grade I noticed a lump on my chest and decided to ignore it. The main reasons being fear of the unknown and fear of dying. Throughout the years, It did not really bother me. But that changed once I entered high school. I felt like everyone could tell and judged me because of it. By then I knew more about health issues such as breast cancer and other complications. During the first half of my sophomore year, the words "cancer" and "death" echoed in the back of my mind. I constantly thought about how It eventually started to take it's toll on me. I had kept it all a secret for five years. No one else knew about it. Everyone could see that I was physically and emotionally damaged.
In my mind, I knew that I needed to go to the hospital. The physical pain was getting worse as time passed on. Throughout the whole time I had two thoughts constantly running about it my mind. I remember thinking that If it was breast cancer, I would probably end up in a hospital bed on chemotherapy and I would no longer be able to live my life the way I wanted to. On the other hand, if I did not tell anyone, I would be allowed to live the possible last years of my life normally. I wanted to live, but I did not want to take a chance and spend the remainder of my life miserable on chemotherapy.
Eventually both the physical and emotional pain became too much and it led me to my breaking point. I finally told my parents and we went to the hospital.
A week after the biopsy, the results came in and it was simply a Fibroadenoma. A benign tumor made up of breast gland tissue. In the time in between, I focused on how I had lived my life up until that point. I had always blamed other people for my distaste towards life, I had only lived for myself, and I had never stepped out of my comfort zone. .
Looking back at this cancer scare, I believe I made the right decision. Not only did it prove to me the the unknown is not always something we need to fear, but it also gave life a whole new meaning. This blessing in disguise has sculpt me into the person I am today. If it weren't for this cancer scare, I would still be living my selfish, always on the safe side life. But II appreciate life so much more now. I take time to appreciate the little things. I try to step out of my comfort zone and I try my best to help people every chance I get.
Please Help! Any feedback is very much appreciated!
I will happily help anyone with their essay if they help me with mine!
