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Posts by ksyar2001
Joined: Jan 28, 2013
Last Post: Jan 17, 2015
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
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ksyar2001   
Jan 17, 2015
Undergraduate / Man's tears. From earliest childhood, I had always tried not to show tears in front of people. [6]

The prompt is "Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you" and it is for transfer admissions.

Please feel free to criticize.

Man's tears
From earliest childhood, no matter what the occasion, I had always tried not to show tears in front of people. I do not know why, but the idea that showing tears diminishes one's masculinity was already firmly planted in myself when young. My father and friends often have said multiple times, "A big guy like you, should never cry!," and I had to embrace the reality that for a guy like me, with a 6' 2'' muscular body frame and manly facial features including strong jawlines and thick black eyebrows that point slightly upward, showing any signs of crying is almost like a taboo.

But I love crying. I know I am capable of wrapping myself in blankets like a cocoon and weep when I feel incredibly emotional for any reasons. Of course no one, not even my parents knows that I am this easily moved to tears. In fact, when I am alone in my room is the perfect time for me to remove myself from the pressure of society and let all of my emotions out through crying. When my dear friend Diana passed away from heart attack in middle school, I desperately tried not to cry at her funeral in front of her family members showing my dignity and integrity as a man; but at home in my room alone, I did not hold back my emotions and started to sob uncontrollably. When I was reading the book "Room" by Emma Donoghue, which was recommended to me when I was in search for a sad book, I shed tears at the end of every chapter, empathizing the little boy Jack who is held captive in a tiny room with his ma, who has been constantly beaten and raped by the kidnapper. And don't even get me started with movie "The Blind Side," which is the most beautiful piece of work I've ever watched. At the end of the movie, my face was covered with tears and mucus.

After all this crying and letting all my emotions out through tears, I feel refreshed and cleansed as my heart and mind are at ease. It is undoubtedly one of the greatest feelings just to release all the bottled up tears along with built up anxiety, nervousness and irritability and let myself in a relaxed, pleasant mood. When I cry over little things like books and movies, it indeed can be seen as showing my emotional weakness; however, I believe that showing man's tears is the most powerful way for me to show my true inner self, my softer and sensitive side.

I know my sentimentality and tenderheartedness often go unnoticed and overlooked by my masculine outer appearance. My ability to show a range of emotions through tears may not be valued greatly by the society; however, it is important to me to sometimes not suppress the urge to cry and grant myself an opportunity to show who I truly am inside.
ksyar2001   
Jan 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / In my view staying with the family for a longer time is better. [6]

I think you must further your reasonings.
in first argument
1. How exactly do parents increase kids' confidence because in many families, parents don't and thus kids move out not needing the help. So provide some details and explanations on how confidence boosting by parents work

in second argument
1. I agree with the fact that If someone is ill in the family then another member can do his/her household work
2. How do family members cooperate in bad times? provide specific examples.
in the last argument
1. Having more family members doesn't guarantee safety. In fact having more family members sometimes can be a burden and more dangerous. But to make your argument work, provide more explanations and how having multiple family members provide safety.
ksyar2001   
Jan 28, 2013
Undergraduate / I desire to become a leader; Brown U- Interest in Transfering [5]

Please tell us more about your interest in transferring: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (2000 characters)

Sitting along with 380 other Business Economics major students in a large lecture hall staring at one professor, I asked myself.
"Who am I?" I was afraid of losing my true identity in the crowd.
My ultimate goal is crystal clear; I desire to become a leader who is capable of incorporating the environment, human labor ethics, and business. So, at UCLA, I always desired to take more varieties of classes outside of the limited curriculum.

I realized that Brown University offers exactly what I desire, an open curriculum that will allow me to explore different areas from my concentration. I instantly fell in love with Brown because of this intriguing idea of taking not only math or economics classes, but also being able to take classes in environmental science, sociology and public policy.

Brown's academic environment clearly shows its attention and support for students with interests such as mine. I am eager to take advantage of Brown's tremendous academic opportunities to grow as a leader I desire to become.

Please critique this and tell me how to improve upon it.
Also, it would be wonderful if someone could check the grammar.
Thank you!
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