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Posts by lps55
Joined: Feb 1, 2013
Last Post: Feb 1, 2013
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lps55   
Feb 1, 2013
Undergraduate / U Mich "Not love at first sight" 500 word essay [2]

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum).

***** Communication studies major
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What do you want to be when you grow up?" is a question that everyone is asked at some point in life. When I was little, I was full of fear to even think about interacting with people. I would always hide behind my parents when someone started talking to me and blush when I had to read in front of my class. At that moment, I would have never imagined that my answer to that question would be communication studies.

Eventually, I came to a point in my life that I had to start being more sociable and not be so insecure. Even though it seemed easy, I struggled a lot because I had to change who I was; but I knew it would be for the best. It took about two years for me to begin to say simple words to strangers, such as "How are you doing?" or "The weather looks nice today", but I had finally become more talkative. Once I started talking, no one could make me quiet. But that was not enough for me; I wanted to explore in depth the wonders of communication. I soon created a blog, where I shared my stories, expressed my opinions and interacted with my readers. I fell in love with the power of this simple skill and realized that I had found my true passion.

My parents' have always thought I would end up pursuing a career in the medical field; however, I was drowned by the amusing communication studies' curriculum. I love how it is an interdisciplinary major; it derives its knowledge from analyzing many different fields both in the interpersonal and mass level. In addition, it is exciting to know that I will be studying subjects involving media, culture and society. It is also a very flexible major with many different career paths to follow, and I know that no matter which one I choose to specialize in, I will be equipped with the skills and tools I need to succeed.

Communication is an essential skill of life, and one that I wish to gracefully master through the University of Michigan communication studies' program. Its strong networking community will offer me a greater opportunity to land internships and give me the hands on experience that I need to succeed on my own. With top-of-the line equipment and facilities, I am positive that UM is the right fit for me. I am positive I will be provided with the best education available to grow not only as a professional, but as a person.

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Thank you for your help!
lps55   
Feb 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / ESSAY: CHILHOOD'S THE THE HAPPIEST TIME OF ONE'S LIFE [3]

I feel like you repeat a lot of points in the essay, such as children being free of responsibilities.

Some sentences are too wordy. Try rewriting it differently.

I am not the best person with grammar, but you have a lot of grammatical errors. I would advise you to ask your english teacher to take a look on it and give you some helpful feedback :)

Sorry if I was kind of harsh... but I hope I was somewhat helpful.
lps55   
Feb 1, 2013
Undergraduate / TRAVEL to the USA; Umass Lowell & Umass Amherst -EXTRACURRICULAR/ WORK EXP [9]

I am an international student as well :) I am not the best person with grammar but here are some changes. Hope I helped you someway!

For a long time, Ithought my true goals were to be rich and have a great job, until I came to the realization that I needed things that are beyond the materialistic.

I have always lived in my home country with mysingle mother, who is a strong, selfless and supportive woman who felt the need to protect me asI was her only child, and while I am grateful for that, I felt the need to gain my independance andget out of my comfort zone.

this sentence is a bit too wordy in my opinion, try a different way!

I was hesitant about transfering to a university in USA because Iwasn't sure if Icould live alone and take full responsibility for myself.

If I think I can do this? I realized I was the only one who could answer this question , and now I am positive that I am making the right decision.

One more thing... I think the conslusion is too wordy- you only wrote one phrase. So, I think you should take a look and rewrite it.
lps55   
Feb 1, 2013
Undergraduate / BORN IN BRAZIL; U Mich 250 words "Cultural Salad" [5]

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

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I consider myself a global citizen. Born in Brazil, I come from a culturally diverse family. Back in history, Brazil was a place where people from all over the world would came to start a new life and runaway from wars. As a result, Brazil became stage of the miscegenation that occurred, turning into one of the most diverse countries in the world.

I am a result of my country's history. Italian, English, German, Russian, Portuguese and native Brazilian are just some of the many ethnic backgrounds I descend from. From the reddish blonde hair that I got from my Vikings genes, or the pasta and strudel served on my table, it is clear to see the influence my ancestors have on me. This multiracial background has enriched me as a human being and taught me to be respectful of every person, no matter where they come from, what they look like or what their traditions are; our differences are what make us unique.

I am grateful for being born in a family with different opinions, values and traditions, because it has shaped me to become the individual that I am today. With a multicultural campus that celebrates and encourages diversity, I am positive the University of Michigan will be a place I could call my home.

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Please critique and be harsh!
Thank you.
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