Posts by dubbledee22

dubbledee22

Mar 23, 2013

Undergraduate / MUSIC, My escape; NYU Transfer - What Intrigues You? [8]

CherryPac18

you did a great job of incorporating peoples suggestions but keeping you own voice.

in the last sentence you write: "When I listen to New World music like that of Enya, occasionally I zone out and visualize a world of peace and happiness. So for me, music promotes imagination and creativity; whether or not I can relate, their stories intrigue me."

Instead of saying 'zone out' which can kind of a negative connotation of someone who doesn't pay attention, maybe try

"occasionally it leads to me tune out the world around me and visualize a place of peace and happiness."

perhaps that is to wordy, but just an idea!

good luck!

dubbledee22

Mar 23, 2013

Undergraduate / TWITTER's influence on me; NYU/ What Intrigues You? TRANSFER [3]

CherryPac18

hey thanks for the feedback, twitter does not directly have to do with my major, but i think the first essay which asks about your academic interests is more focused on that.

I chose to use twitter because it allows me to further explore my interests (which are mentioned in the first essay) and also it addresses the prompt which asks about a "method of communication" which Twitter certainly is.

I'll take a look at your essay as well.
Thanks again

dubbledee22

Mar 23, 2013

Undergraduate / Summer Program Application Essay - why engineering and future goals [3]

This is extremely well written! I'm honestly impressed! Is this for a High School summer program?

My only critique would to possibly more directly address the prompt in the second-to-last and last paragraph. Perhaps you can talk about how the MITE program will help refine your interests? You mention combating disease so perhaps a reference to exploring bio-engineering would be nice? I'm not sure how in depth you want to go but you could also possibly look into which Professors teach during the MITE course and make a reference to one of their areas of research which interests you.

Overall good work, particular impressed if you are a high school student still!

dubbledee22

Mar 23, 2013

Undergraduate / TWITTER's influence on me; NYU/ What Intrigues You? TRANSFER [3]

Hi There, I would appreciate any feedback you can provide on my short answer essay!

The prompt is:

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

As demonstrated by the 30,000 year-old Chauvet Cave paintings, humans have always exhibited an innate desire to communicate with each other. Over the course of history we have refined our techniques and moved from papyrus to telegrams to e-mail. The Information Age gave rise to rapid communication which is best demonstrated by global use of Twitter. This powerful tool gives voice to millions behind the Great Firewall of China, helped spark the Arab Spring, and allows anyone with a five dollar cellphone to communicate with their favorite celebrity. Twitter has not only changed the way I communicate, it has also changed the way the world communicates.

Twitter has enabled me to develop and explore a wide range of passions and interests. Through Twitter I have communicated with @ElonMusk and learned about his clean energy initiatives, I have gained insight into the struggles of Syrian rebels, and I have learned about astrobiology from a Serbian astrophysicist. Of course all of this pales in comparison to my communication with my favorite soccer players! In a recent 60 Minutes interview, Jack Dorsey, the founder of Twitter, spoke at length about his thoughts and rationale for creating Twitter. Mr. Dorsey stressed the importance of developing instantaneous mass communication for the world. Twitter has allowed me to tap into this burgeoning network and has truly changed the way I interact with the world around me. Follow me @d*******dee22!!

Please let me know what you think guys, any and all feedback / criticism is welcome! (There is a 1,500 character limit and I am currently at 1,469)

Thanks a bunch.