Graduate / I have great public relation skills; Personal Stmtl- U manchester (Masters- Law) [4]

This is the crappiest essay I have read in a long time. This belongs to someone with an extremely weak grounding in the English language. You badly need a professional essay editing service. Try essayedge or essaytopia ( I have used the latter and it made a difference)

Graduate / Cross the vast, aqua blue ocean - Discuss three accomplishments - Health Admin. MBA [6]

SLOOTR
Extremely 'mediocre' - certainly not top 10 school material. Nobody cares about your academic accomplishments - so shelve those. Everyone who applies to a top 10 school has a perfect GPA and near perfect test scores. They also have glowing recommendations from top academics and industry professionals. That's not even going to impress the Harvard janitor - much less an admissions counselor.

Now - for the sappy bits (looking into mom's eyes, bawling etc.). The material is good - it is just poorly presented. It reads like a bad paperback novel - and not the writing of a future top level executive. It needs to convey the emotional bonds without sounding sappy - if you can somehow work that.

My essays had all the same shortcomings (years ago) when I applied to top 10 business schools. Fortunately, I had a friend who was a professional writer/proofreader - and she set me straight. I got into Stanford and Harvard - two of my top choices - and two of the hardest schools to get into. (As far as I know, she has since started her own 'essay editing' service - essaytopia dot com . I haven't used the website though, just knew the owner personally when she re worked my essays)

Anyway, good luck with your admission essays - and yes - take it from someone who has been through the process - nothing is more important than your personal essay. Not your test scores, not your work experience - not even your recommendations - every applicant is (near) identical when it comes to those.