Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by dmmartinez1492
Joined: May 20, 2013
Last Post: Sep 29, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 10
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
dmmartinez1492   
Sep 29, 2013
Graduate / DPT AdmissionEssay:How will graduate degree help you attain your goals? [6]

I think you gave an inspiring story and its well written, but I feel you emphasize on the reasons what brought you into the field of physical therapy and less on how you're degree will help you obtain your personal and career goals.

In the first paragraph it seems you don't talk about you're degree, only state where you worked and you never explain how it will help you. It seems out of place.

'When I graduated from Florida State University in 2003, my dream was to become an account executive at a major advertising firm. And, I was well on my way. For three years, I worked as a marketing and event coordinator for The McDonald's Corporation, but then something happened.'

Okay so you obtained an 'unidentified' major its assumed its in business, and you worked as an event coordinator and in marketing. I think you should talk about you're degree the fundamentals and characteristics you've learned and acquired that will help you be successful in the field of you're interest. Maybe in a later paragraph talk about it.

Maybe exclude the first paragraph and leave the following 3 paragraphs, then after stating you worked as an nursing aide create a paragraph and state you're degree and how it will help you. For example you can say 'although my degree is not directly in the field of healthcare, as an (occupations held) I learned to ( qualities that will help as a pt). Then state how you're further involvement as a nursing aide you understood the needs, you're desires and interest.

Hope this helps! ( I apologize if my response is a little confusing . I am typing on my tablet so its a little difficult.)
dmmartinez1492   
Sep 25, 2013
Graduate / Strong foundation made early in life; SOP for MS admission in structural fields [3]

Content: I feel you're content is strong and compelling. I like the structure of you're essay,
P1-2: Background and how you became interested in Structural engineer
P3: Why you want to obtain a doctorate
P4-7: You're interest in the subject
P8-9: How you're experience has shaped you
P10: Your dedication and summary of your future aspirations
- The only thing is I feel you focus too much on your interest and too little on how those experiences has encouraged you to further you're knowledge in the field (You state it within your experience but try to be more direct). Maybe after stating you're interest in the subject you can state a summary of how these interest has inspired you to advance you're knowledge. You can maybe explain an adversity that you're field encounters and you'd like to find a solution for it, and for that reason you want to further you're education. (NOTE: It would be a great help if you posted what the prompt should answer. I am assuming as a SOP, they want to know why you want to obtain a PHD in philosophy??)

Grammar: Minor mistakes and a few run-on sentences.
P1-sentence 1: The sentence is a little long maybe can shorten it by
"I attribute most of my success as an adult to the strong foundation made early in life by a warm and loving school life. Besides instilling in me a good sense of judgement , itwhich guided my direction, enforced discipline, inspired excellence, and value systems that were ethical and humane besides instilling in me a good sense of judgmen t. "

P5 - Sentence 2: It sounds like its two seperate ideas
My hold on Solid mechanics accelerated my interest in Structure engineering.and When I studied structure analysis for the first time, I found that it would serve as an excellent platform for me to move deeper

Hope this helps!

If you get a chance, I would really appreciate it if you could take a look at my Essay. Thanks!
dmmartinez1492   
Sep 23, 2013
Graduate / "Wake up! It's already 6am!"; Autobiography for Physical therapy Graduate School [3]

Please feel free to criticize my essay, and make any suggestions! If you'd like me to read your paper just let me know. Thanks I really appreciate it.

Prompt: Submit an autobiographical essay that includes information about your past educational, professional, and personal pursuits, and how they have brought you to the health sciences field. Include any additional information that would not be discerned through documents such as transcripts, resumes, etc.

"Wake up! It's already 6am!" was my conscience telling me every morning after repeatedly hitting the snooze button. Living in a household with seven other people was like a challenge. Trying to be the first in the shower before the hot water runs out; be the first into the kitchen to have the last bit of milk; or even be the first to turn on the television to watch my favorite shows. It felt as if I was in competition each day, especially with my sister-in a competition to leave behind the unsafe community we called home. As I got older, the competition became about being a better athlete, and student. However, as I finished my last year of elementary school, I remember receiving my report card and feeling self-accomplished because I earned straight A's. In that moment, I experienced an epiphany about my sense of competition: I realized it was not about the competition itself, but about my own self-purpose and devotion to strive. My sense of competition became my ambitions and desire.

My family could tell you that I am inherently self-driven and focused. However, I've been described several times as self-consumed. Being extremely ambitious at a very young age has caused me to overlook my surroundings and not understand the meaning of compassion. My sister and I were in the varsity team for high school volleyball, when one day at practice our coach made us run two miles. As I was finishing my first mile, my sister was nowhere to be seen until I glanced at the ground and saw her sprawled out on the floor. This was the moment where my life perception altered, and I learned about my sister's eating disorder which evoked an urge in me to take part of her life in helping her overcome her struggle. It is through this very experience that I learned that to me self-fulfillment is not only about focusing on one's own self-improvement, but also by empathizing with others. Through this experience I've developed into a character who understands what compassion is and who became impassioned in the health sciences.

During my experience with my sister's eating disorder I was involved in various sports including volleyball, soccer and basketball. By learning and understanding more about eating disorders, I started to recognize how prevalent these disorders are among athletes in competitive sports. This prompted me to become an assistant soccer coach for a girls soccer club in efforts to advocate a healthy lifestyle. In addition to my role as an assistant coach where I taught proper body mechanics, I also gave speeches explaining the importance of nutritional value to perform well and be physically healthy. I also brought healthy snacks, and drinks to every game to ensure the athletes remained energized and hydrated. Although my role as an assistant coach did not directly serve as an intervention for individuals with eating disorders, I know I made a small difference in a group of young athletes by advocating the importance of physical and nutritional health.

As my senior year was coming to an end, I was faced with one of the most critical/life changing decisions-attending college. During this time, my father had gambling problems causing a great financial burden that placed our home in jeopardy. After being accepted to San Diego State University, my mother was adamant about me not going to college and voiced that clearly to me. She wanted me to find a job instead. Despite of my mother's life plan for me, I decided to make my own decisions.

After graduating high school I held a seasonal job as a lifeguard. Upon completing the intense lifeguard training, the real pressure became present knowing that people's lives and safety were my primary responsibility. One day on stand, an elderly guest was going down a water slide, when a young individual came rushing down the slide right behind her. This caused the two people to collide. The elderly guest was immobile from the impact. As the first responder, I tried to calm the injured guest by explaining the importance of keeping her back stable and steady to prevent further injury. When the second responder arrived, we looked at each other knowing the critical part would be transferring the guest from the slide to the backboard while keeping her trunk stabilized and immobile. From this experience where I ensured the safety of the guests and provided proper treatment has taught me to react calmly and effectively in critical circumstances. It also reassured me that I made the right decision in pursuing a career in the health sciences.

After summer was over and college classes began, I started working as a tutor for grades K-12. I worked twice a week from 8am-6pm, went to school three times a week from 8am - 7pm and became part of the Future Physical Therapy Organization. Once summer came I decided to volunteer in a hospital, and at an orthopedic physical therapy clinic while still taking two courses for summer school. Although at times it was difficult to stick to a tight schedule and I felt I was treading water to stay afloat, I always remembered the little voice in my mind that told me "wake up and get up before the hot water runs out."

After the summer ended I landed my first job in my field of interest. I began working as a physical therapist aide for an orthopedic clinic. During my sophomore year of college, I was juggling being a full time student, an employee working 9-10hour shifts, an active member in Future Physical Therapist Organization, and volunteering in a Hospital. However my father's gambling addiction became worse and placed a major burden/stress on me. He spent money carelessly and had to ask family members for money, including myself. Twice a week, my father would ask me for money to pay the bills and to put gas in his car. This circumstance forced me into an unpleasant situation that tested my ability to make the right decision (despite of my emotions) when I discovered my father used part of the money I lent him for gambling. I decided to stop lending my father money and told my mother. Although this was an unpleasant situation, I learned how to manage my time, remain focused under stressful situation and most importantly, I learned how to make a decision based on what is ethically right opposed to an emotional judgment.

Reflecting on the past I learned and continued with optimism knowing that through these adversities I took something with me, the confidence in myself to make good decisions and in helping others. Throughout my experience as an assistant coach, life guard, active member in Future Physical Therapy Organization, my position as a Physical Therapist Aide, I knew I made a good decision in pursuing a career in the health sciences, in particularly, Physical Therapy. I discovered my interest in the importance of physical health, body mechanics and enjoyment in being able to make a difference in someone's life; not just by helping a patient regain their lost abilities, but to also help them regain their confidence. With optimism and determination I am ready to face the challenges of graduate school so one day, with certainty I can make a difference in someone's life.
dmmartinez1492   
Sep 15, 2013
Undergraduate / What Matters to You (Stanford): Cooking [5]

It is very well written. Again, I like the way you use a simple hobby or interest and turn it into something meaningful. Content wise I feel is very good,

sentence structure, and grammar is great. Overall well written!
dmmartinez1492   
Sep 15, 2013
Undergraduate / Person Who Influenced (Princeton): My Father and the Butterfly [3]

I honestly loved your essay! It's short, sweet and concise. I like how you used the butterfly analogy to explain you're interest in exploring the world.

I think is well written, the only thing I would consider is to maybe somehow directly state how you're father was a direct influence for you to explore you're

social surroundings. I know you use you're father throughout stating how he triggered you're curiosity, but instead of letting the audience try and anticipate it (although you made it pretty clear) try to state it directly.

Overall it's well - written.

- Ps. Could you read my essay for Grad school? it's very direct because its only supposed to be one page, and feel free to let me know if there is something I should change.
dmmartinez1492   
Sep 15, 2013
Graduate / My father had a clogged artery & heart surgery; Why Physical Therapy Grad School? [2]

note: Let me know if there are any changes I should make or any suggestions. Thank you I really appreciate it!

" Why do you wish to pursue a career in physical therapy and why at our School?"

Several events occurred that have inspired me to go to University of St. Augustine and become a physical therapist. Through my experience with my father's health problem it has instilled in me that physical health is essential in cultivating a healthy lifestyle. My Further explorations as a physical therapist technician and extracurricular involvement has revealed my interest in body mechanics and the pleasure I take in making a meaningful difference in a patient's life through physical acuity.

My first exposure in the field of physical therapy occurred when my father obtained a clogged artery and had heart surgery. As a child my father stressed the importance of being mentally strong in order to prevent illness and be healthy. Before the procedure I envisioned my father as strong and impenetrable; but for the first time I witnessed my father weak, and saw him shed a few tears. This taught me the importance of not only being mentally strong but being physical healthy in order to prevent illness and injuries. After the procedure, the physical therapist came in to take my father for a walk. Seeing the therapist motivate my father to take his first steps after surgery, while explaining the importance being physically active, I knew I wanted to be a physical therapist, so I can motivate others to take their first steps after an injury or surgery and educate them in the importance of practicing a physically active lifestyle.

Through personal experience as an Assistant coach, I've witnessed several injuries caused by physical activity due to improper posture and movement. This sparked my interest in body mechanics- in particularly how can improper posture cause injuries. In my education at San Diego State University, I learned the importance of joint movement and the effects external forces have on body movement. Learning about how body motion is influenced by external forces and how it can be used to improve body mechanics to prevent injuries, has increased my desire to learn all I can about human movement. Also, understanding how these concepts are applied by physical therapist to asses a patient just by looking at joint mobility and body movement has captured my interest in the physical therapists' ability to diagnose a patient based on these principles of Human Anatomy, Physiology, and Physics.

Through my ventures as a physical therapist aide I found my greatest strength in motivating others. I discovered that having the ability to balance the relationship between my patients and I, as their friend and as their physical therapist aide, encourage patients to work harder. My patients remind me of this when they reach full recovery and leave thank you notes for me at the front desk, or stop by and visit. Knowing that I've made a meaningful difference in each of my patient's lives while doing something that fascinates me (the methods and education in physical rehabilitation) is something I see myself doing for a long time.

I bring along a strong grasp of fundamentals in physical therapy-an aptitude for educating others about the importance of physical health and to work with a team, a zest to motivate others and an enthusiastic desire to learn all I can. I want to further my education to gain more knowledge in physical therapy and strengthen my weak points in efforts to become a competent professional. From personal experience and extensive research I have applied to St. Augustine because it is reputable for its manual therapy education. The department website revealed a strong faculty who are widely knowledgeable and continue to make contributions to the field of physical therapy. For instance, Professor Todd Bourgeois is advancing his knowledge in order to further his research in manual manipulation, or Eric Chaconas who obtains a manual therapy certification and is continuing to investigate the effectiveness of manual therapy methods in patients with musculoskeletal dysfunctions. These are the type of professors I wish to learn from in efforts to someday advance my own knowledge and bring new ideas to the realm of physical therapy. Learning from former students, I also witnessed their level of education and readiness to take on their role as a physical therapist. From these experiences I know an education at St. Augustine is what I need to fulfill my aspirations to become an influential/innovative pt.
dmmartinez1492   
Sep 15, 2013
Graduate / I love the field of Therapy ; Applying to PT school [3]

I feel your content is good, but I feel you can try and convince your audience of why you are a good candidate. You do talk about your experience as a PT tech, but I feel you overly emphasized that. Try shortening your experience with your patient (you emphasize too much on how he felt, what he went through and what he experience instead of talking about yourself in light of that experience),

it was a really good example, just try make the story shorter and talk about why you would be a strong student, how it has prepared you, what strengths did you discover or gains as a PT tech. Also, the first paragraph is formal, but try to stay away from introducing you're name and where you graduated from because its common, and the audience will know whose essay they are reading.

Overall, I do feel you ahve a potential essay it is just a matter of modifications! :) hope it helps!
dmmartinez1492   
Sep 15, 2013
Graduate / My professional career went in a different direction;SOP for MPH Program [2]

Overall, I feel you're content is superficial and inconcise. In all respects,
I feel that you state alot of facts about what you have done but it does not get into detail, or explain how that experience has shaped you and you're decision. For instance..

First Paragraph: I feel there is no hook, too informative and less explanation of your desires to want to further you're education.

Seven years ago, when I was on a one-year post-internship national youth service program in a rural village in northern Nigeria and was the only medical doctor taking care of a community of about eight thousand inhabitants, I was constantly treating many patients with preventable diseases like malaria, pneumonia and diarrheal illnesses. My work became very exhausting and I knew it was time I applied the preventive and social medicine skills I had learnt in medical school to break the vicious cycle of poverty, ignorance and disease that existed in the community...

Instead: Im not sure where you are from, but you can talk about the difference in community from where you live to the population of nigeria. How these life differences for instance coming from the US then traveling to Nigeria influenced on how you see the world now and discovered the undeserved communities in Nigeria. Something meaningful to convey to you're readers. Or talk about an experience you had with a patient in nigeria that really made you realize or prompt you to want to make a difference.

The second paragraph: You ONLY talk about what you've done but not how those actions were meaningful.

" The city life was much more organized, however, and I was able to, in addition to the other services I rendered, carry out weekly routine immunisation to infants, children and adults, HIV counselling and testing, periodic free screening for diabetes and hypertension, distribution of mosquito nets provided by the non-governmental organisations, and talks to pregnant mothers about their health concerns in pregnancy and the post-partum period. My graduate research in pharmacology was focused on malaria mostly due to the public health burden of the disease that I saw first-hand in my years of medical practice. "

In this whole paragraph you dont explain anything, you just simply state facts; you carried out weekly routine immunisation to infants, children and adults ...but what about those routines? how has those routines shaped you? Talk about an experience, or how each patient is a reminder of your passion to someday improve public health.

I feel from what I have read, that you really do have the potential and experience to make this essay very moving and inspiring essay, but it will take modifications. Hope this helped! :)
dmmartinez1492   
Sep 14, 2013
Undergraduate / Aptitude for educating others- SOP/ Physical Therapy Graduate Prog/ St. Augustine U [2]

Note: Let me know if there are any changes that I should make, or suggestions, Thank You I really Appreciate it!

Prompt: Why do you wish to pursue a career in Physical Therapy and Why our Graduate School?

Several events occurred that have inspired me to go to University of St. Augustine and become a physical therapist. Through my experience with my father's health problem it has instilled in me that physical health is essential in cultivating a healthy lifestyle. My Further explorations as a physical therapist technician and extracurricular involvement has revealed my interest in body mechanics and the pleasure I take in making a meaningful difference in a patient's life through physical acuity.

My first exposure in the field of physical therapy occurred when my father obtained a clogged artery and had heart surgery. As a child my father stressed the importance of being mentally strong in order to prevent illness and be healthy. Before the procedure I envisioned my father as strong and impenetrable; but for the first time I witnessed my father weak, and saw him shed a few tears. This taught me the importance of not only being mentally strong but being physical healthy in order to prevent illness and injuries. After the procedure, the physical therapist came in to take my father for a walk. Seeing the therapist motivate my father to take his first steps after surgery, while explaining the importance being physically active, I knew I wanted to be a physical therapist, so I can motivate others to take their first steps after an injury or surgery and educate them in the importance of practicing a physically active lifestyle.

Through personal experience as an Assistant coach, I've witnessed several injuries caused by physical activity due to improper posture and movement. This sparked my interest in body mechanics- in particularly how can improper posture cause injuries. In my education at San Diego State University, I learned the importance of joint movement and the effects external forces have on body movement. Learning about how body motion is influenced by external forces and how it can be used to improve body mechanics to prevent injuries, has increased my desire to learn all I can about human movement. Also, understanding how these concepts are applied by physical therapist to asses a patient just by looking at joint mobility and body movement has captured my interest in the physical therapists' ability to diagnose a patient based on these principles of Human Anatomy, Physiology, and Physics.

Through my ventures as a physical therapist aide I found my greatest strength in motivating others. I discovered that having the ability to balance the relationship between my patients and I, as their friend and as their physical therapist aide, encourage patients to work harder. My patients remind me of this when they reach full recovery and leave thank you notes for me at the front desk, or stop by and visit. Knowing that I've made a meaningful difference in each of my patient's lives while doing something that fascinates me (the methods and education in physical rehabilitation) is something I see myself doing for a long time.

I bring along a strong grasp of fundamentals in physical therapy-an aptitude for educating others about the importance of physical health and to work with a team, a zest to motivate others and an enthusiastic desire to learn all I can. I want to further my education to gain more knowledge in physical therapy and strengthen my weak points in efforts to become a competent professional. From personal experience and extensive research I have applied to St. Augustine because it is reputable for its manual therapy education. The department website revealed a strong faculty who are widely knowledgeable and continue to make contributions to the field of physical therapy. For instance, Professor Todd Bourgeois is advancing his knowledge in order to further his research in manual manipulation, or Eric Chaconas who obtains a manual therapy certification and is continuing to investigate the effectiveness of manual therapy methods in patients with musculoskeletal dysfunctions. These are the type of professors I wish to learn from in efforts to someday advance my own knowledge and bring new ideas to the realm of physical therapy. Learning from former students, I also witnessed their level of education and readiness to take on their role as a physical therapist. From these experiences I know an education at St. Augustine is what I need to fulfill my aspirations to become an influential/innovative pt.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳