Graduate / Another PA/MPH PS- under 500 words- does it sound too crunched? [2]

Hi everyone,

The prompt is this: Please compose an essay of 250 to 500 words that states your purpose in undertaking study in the health sciences at XXX. You should describe your academic objectives and career plans and discuss your related qualifications, including collegiate, professional, and community activities and any other substantial accomplishments not already mentioned on the application form.

This is a supplemental essay so it goes along with another longer essay that I also posted on this forum. Anyways the first draft I wrote of this was 700 words and I cut it down to 500. It doesn't flow as well as it did with more words. Can someone please edit this for me or comment on the flow and content? Thanks you so much for your help! Kris

It was the summer before I started high school and I sat with my mother at our neighbor's kitchen table. He was wheezing, which made the rubber tubes in his nose rattle as if they were about to fall out. My mother, always a nurse even on weekends, placed a stethoscope on his back to listen to his lungs. "I'm not a doctor," she told him. "But I believe there may be fluid in your lungs. You need to see a physician regularly to manage your CHF." Of course, this was easier said than done. The nearest clinic was almost thirty miles away and he, like many of the people who lived in the area, didn't have a reliable means of transportation. My mother made some calls and the next day he was transported to a local clinic where he was given the care he needed. It is stories like these that have inspired me to pursue a career in healthcare with the hopes of making care more affordable and accessible.

Over the past four years, I have worked in primary care research investigating the leading causes of preventable death in the United States: smoking, hypertension, and obesity. The need for more primary care providers and the challenges of working in the field have led me to pursue a career as a primary care physician assistant (PA). My ultimate goal in pursuing a dual degree in Public Health and Physician Assistant Studies is to gain the tools to make a lasting health impact on the community I serve. First and foremost, a public health education will enable me to practice medicine in a way that addresses the social and environmental determinants of disease. A secondary goal is to gain the skills to evaluate medical literature and confidently implement evidence-based medicine in my everyday practice. Lastly, I hope to use my knowledge to develop and raise funds for community programs that focus on education and prevention. Through my volunteer work, I have seen how free or low-cost programs that are accessible to underserved populations can serve as a cornerstone for future advances in community health.

The dual-degree program at XXX is best suited to help me achieve these goals. I was first drawn to the program because of its location in our nation's capital, which is an ideal place to study health policy and develop my own opinions. The diversity of the XXX area and the underserved wards of the city offer a prime location to study both public health and the clinical competencies of the PA program. I was also drawn to the program because of its dedication to community service. Hands-on field experience through service to the community is a great way to learn about public health. As you can see, the XXX dual-degree program is a good fit for my goals and ambition. With an education from XXX I know that I will make a lasting impact on the people I serve.

Graduate / My work with obese patients opened my eyes ; PA/MPH program [5]

The following is the prompt for a specific PA/MPH program. This is for my supplemental application so it will be in addition to my PA school (CASPA) personal narrative. This one is shorter and needs to be more to the point.

Please provide a personal statement, not exceeding one page, describing the following:
(1) Why XX University Master of Science in Public Health?
(2) Any academic and/or professional preparation for a career in public health
(3) Reasons and motivation for seeking to enroll in the public health program
(4) Career plans upon completion of the program
Dual degree program applicants (PharmD/MSPH, MSPH/JD, MSPH/PA), must specifically address his/her future goals with both degrees.

I feel like I say what I want to say but not in a coherent way. Any suggestions or edits would be much appreciated!

I was first drawn to the field of public health when I began working in social and clinical research my sophomore year of college. Prior to that, coursework for my biology major had provided me with an understanding of the biological principles underlying disease. Research introduced me to the concept of social and environmental influences on health and exposed me to the importance of preventative medicine. Over the past four years I have worked in primary care research investigating the leading causes of preventable death in the United States: smoking, hypertension, and obesity. Through smoking cessation research, I gained experience designing and implementing a smoking-cessation intervention in a community hospital. I learned that it takes a number of people with a range of skill sets to make an intervention successful. My research in hypertension has focused on better ways to diagnose and treat hypertension. By finding a model upon which to base the treatment of hypertension, we can reduce the amount of visits needed to achieve hypertension control. Consequently, this will improve the accessibility of treatment and decrease the cost to the patient. The research I'm currently working on with obesity investigates the importance of calorie labeling. We are labeling food in a cafeteria with calorie content and with exercise equivalency content and researching whether the change in labeling affects the exercise and dietary choices of obese patients.

My work with obese patients opened my eyes to the fact that many of the lifestyle choices that adults make are deeply rooted in their childhood experiences. This led me to begin volunteering with a free community-based wellness program for obese children and their families. Although my work with this program, called Bull City Fit, has just begun, I am quickly learning the impact that the program has on the community. Not only does Bull City Fit provide a safe place for children to be active, it also provides a judge-free environment where they can be themselves. Almost ninety-percent of these children come from low-income families who are on Medicaid. Bull City Fit has taught me that health is more than just taking care of a patient. It's important for practioners to know how to address community needs.

My ultimate goal in pursuing a dual degree in Public Health and Physician Assistant Studies is to gain the tools to make a lasting health impact on the community I serve. I hope to use my public health degree to complement my physician assistant education in many ways. First and foremost, I believe a public health education will enable me to practice medicine in a way that addresses the social and environmental determinants of disease. The multi-dimensional approach that a public health education offers will allow me to incorporate concepts of population medicine into my everyday primary care practice. Second, I believe that a master's in public health will enable me to evaluate medical literature and confidently implement evidence-based medicine in my treatment of disease. Everyday, the way providers diagnose and treatment of disease is changing to incorporate new research. It is important to me that I have to tools to change along with the healthcare system. Finally, I hope to use my public health education to develop and raise funds for community programs, similar to Bull City Fit, that focus on education and prevention. Free and low-cost community programs that are accessible to underserved populations will serve as a cornerstone for future advances in community health. My research and volunteer background has given me insight into ways to fund and man community-based lifestyle programs.

I believe that the dual-degree program at XX is best suited to help me achieve these goals. I was first drawn to the program because of its location in a rural, underserved area. The demographic of patients and types of clinics in the surrounding area offer a prime location to study both public health and the clinical competencies of the physician assistant program. The location also gives students the chance to work with rural communities in both a public health setting and a clinical setting. Another aspect of the dual-degree program at XX that interests me is the community outreach project. I believe that hands-on field experience is just as important as classroom training. In conclusion, I believe that medicine tends to focus on treatment while public health focuses on prevention. I believe you need a combination of both to create a healthy community and attending XX's dual-degree program will help me to become a primary care provider who can address issues from many perspectives.

Graduate / PA School Personal Statement- Generalized, Not School Specific [6]

Hello All,
Thank you for taking a look at my personal statement. The prompt is as follows: "In the space provided write a brief statement expressing your motivation or desire to become a physician assistant. Keep your statement general as the same essay will be sent to all schools you will apply to."

I have a few specific questions:
1. What do you think of the content?
2. Can anyone help me with grammar? I am not a student and don't have a writing center to bring this to.
3. I feel fairly like a "Plain Jane"- I worked through college but thats about the extent of adversity I've had to face. Does this come off too boring? Or does it clearly state my goals?

Thank you again for any feedback!! This is very helpful!

I was first introduced to the physician assistant (PA) profession in a surgical waiting room when I was sixteen. My twin sister, Kayla, was rushed into surgery after her lung collapsed. As I sat with my family, I experienced a fear that was different from anything I'd felt before. When I was young, I was what you would call a worrywart. However, Kayla was always there to put me at ease. As I sat without her in that waiting room, I never felt more alone. Then the PA rushed in. She looked me right in the eye and said, "She's going to be just fine." She walked over, pulled up a chair, and introduced herself as Katherine. She explained to us what happened and what the next steps were. She didn't act rushed and she made us feel like an important part of Kayla's treatment and recovery. Since that day, Kayla's lung has collapsed two more times. After the second time, Katherine gave my family her personal cell phone number. The third time, Katherine met us at the emergency room on a Saturday afternoon and expedited Kayla's admission. Nearly nine years later, I look back and realize that Katherine's dedication to her patients and caring demeanor are traits that first drew me to the PA profession.

I started working in the medical field during my junior year of high school. At seventeen, I was by far the youngest optometric assistant at the small practice. Nevertheless, I learned quickly and was fascinated with my newfound responsibility. I worked hard and was able to pay for my first year of college without getting a job. However, my sophomore year I decided to start working again in an effort to leave college with as little debt as possible. I took a job as a research assistant at a smoking cessation clinic where I gained additional patient care experience and new insight into the medical field. Addiction medicine opened my eyes to the diversity of each situation. Each patient I worked with had distinct motivations to quit smoking, varying levels of support, and different hindrances. Just as illness affects a patient's life, each patient's unique life story greatly influences his or her ability to overcome illness. Through my shadowing experiences, I learned that PAs often have the time to get to know patients on the level that is necessary to take all of these factors into consideration. This is not because a typical day for a PA is less busy than a standard day for a physician. Instead, the role of a PA often includes discussing a full medical and social history and taking the time to educate patients. The PA profession complements my goal to become a healthcare provider who weighs all factors, including the non-medical, when assisting patients.

After graduating from college, I took a clinical research position at a family medicine clinic designated as a Level-3 Patient Centered Medical Home. In this unique setting, I am able to spend each day working in a collaborative healthcare model. My current areas of research are hypertension and obesity. One of my team's goals is to find ways to achieve controlled blood pressure faster and with fewer medications. If successful, this approach would translate into fewer clinic visits and a more affordable way for low-income and uninsured patients to prevent the cardiovascular damage that accompanies uncontrolled hypertension. I was first drawn to clinical research, in part, because researchers don't turn anyone away. As long as a patient meets the inclusion criteria for a given study, they are able to enroll. This stipulation allows me to work with many people without medical insurance. My uninsured patients have helped me to recognize that a string of clinic visits can put significant financial strain on a family. By providing increased access to preventative services, PAs can help to reduce the need for more costly care down the road. I strive to become part of this initiative and work as part of a team that provides exceptional and affordable care.

In addition to my clinical work, my motivation to become a PA stems from the lessons I have learned while observing medical professionals. Each specialty I shadowed shed light on a different aspect of the PA profession. Surgical PAs at a large medical center taught me that patient education is central to the duties of a PA. A primary care PA at a rural satellite clinic demonstrated the PA's role in making high-quality healthcare affordable and accessible. The field of internal medicine at a community hospital showed me that a successful healthcare team is a mixture of collaboration and autonomy.

I have always dreamed of having a career that is fulfilling and significant. My decision to pursue the PA profession is built upon a solid foundation of clinical and shadowing experiences. A career as a PA will allow me to use the strengths of my character to make a difference both on a personal level with patients and on a larger scale by aiding the effort to provide high-quality and affordable healthcare.