Posts by hcarver

hcarver

Jul 5, 2013

Letters / Letter of Excuse for absence [6]

KBMSmile

I'm not exactly sure what you are asking, but I will try my best at correcting your letter.

Dear Ma'am , Use the woman's name instead of Ma'am. For example Mrs. Example
I apologize for my long absence. I was absent fromFebruary 9-11 due to family issues and an automobile accident that I was involved in.I look forward to being present in your class in the future.

Thanks for your understanding.
Sincerely,

Your name

hcarver

Jul 5, 2013

Undergraduate / Realization and Revelation - Columbia University Supplement [4]

One point that I find pertinent to make is that your essays seems more like a summary than a reflection. I would definitely try to incorporate diverse syntax considering Columbia is a very prestigious essay that will be looking for more than just simple sentences. Additionally, you need to revise the tense that you wrote this essay in because it varies from past to present tense.I have made some suggestions to your essay below.

A grandpa who flies to a different continent on a house attached to helium balloons. (This is not a complete sentence)
The premise had no plausibility, no scientific proof, and certainly no regards to international airway transportation regulation. (However) it was enough to make me cry.

"Up" an elderly man named Carl Frederickson, an overly eager boy-scout named Russell, and an anthropomorphic golden retriever named Doug. The unlikely cast of characters embarked on a journey that involved a floating house, a lost explorer, a multitude of talking dogs, and a grape soda can. From a general perspective (open for discussion but "from the outside" doesn't make sense) , the movie "Up" seems like any other movie, however, from an analytical perception , it represents so much more than that.

One scene in the movie still tugs at my heartstring. To keep his promise with his deceased wife, Carl travels to Paradise Falls but it's not the same without his wife. When opening the Adventure book that he and his wife, Carl realizes that his adventure has always been next to him, that his life was an adventure.

I cried. Everything felt so right in that moment. The music in the background was just a simple chord repeated in different variations. However, the simplicity of the music complemented with Carl's poignant experience was enough to cut the metaphorical onion in front of my eyes.

This whole paragraph is very awkward grammatically and doesn't really make sense. Look at Didgeridoo's response as I am not familiar with the movie.

Carl and I had the same realization . I do not have to go look for an adventure because I can create my own (the use of adventure in this paragraph is too redundant) . It is not necessary for me to search for my Paradise Falls, because I am capable of creating it for myself? (Very awkward).

Revelationshappen in the most profound moments of one's life. Mine just happened to be a grandpa, a boy, and a talking dog. (This is not a moment, these are characters.)

hcarver

Jul 5, 2013

Undergraduate / Ronald Reagan once said "if you're explaining, you're losing" ; Why UCF? [3]

Why did you choose to apply to UCF?

Ronald Reagan once said "if you're explaining, you're losing." When I first began to tour colleges in my junior year of high school I would find myself trying to convince myself of why the said university was a good fit for me. It didn't take long for me to start thinking that I had set impossible standards for my college experience. However, that whole mindset changed after touring the UCF campus. I instantly knew that UCF was where I wanted to further my education. I chose to apply to UCF because I wholeheartedly believe that UCF will help me to make the most out of every opportunity. It would be my absolute honor to continue the legacy of the knight through excellent leadership and by solving the problems of both the immediate and distant future of not only the state, but country and world. The University of Central Florida not only represents who I am but also promotes who I want to become and certainly holds my key to a promising future.