Posts by StellMer

StellMer

Jul 23, 2013

Undergraduate / Application essay-changing major from Architecture to Computer Science [2]

This is a great essay in my opinion. I do not know much about computer science, but it really portrayed to me that it is something you are passionate about and would be good at. There are several grammatical errors that I see here. When is this essay due? I do not mind going through and fixing some of the errors, but it might take me a day or two to accomplish that.

StellMer

Jul 23, 2013

Writing Feedback / University entrance exam should no longer be mandatory [5]

It is a good essay, but what is it for? What are the guidelines that you were required to follow when writing it?

StellMer

Jul 23, 2013

Undergraduate / "The tunnel that changed me" - Common app/ Place that I am perfectly contented! [3]

I thought it was really great! It was well thought out and compelling. I am assuming that your answer to "why is it meaningful to you" was that you gained confidence? I think, however, that you should highlight this point a little more. Great story, but WHY are you so perfectly content there? WHY does it mean so much to you?

There were also a couple of small grammatical errors like misplaced commas or a change in words might make the sentence more clear. These are the sentences I noticed. Replace those and do some fine-tuning and I will look at it again if you'd like.

No one expected me to come this far but I was there, and there was no going back.
I would change "hardly" to "tightly" regarding your intestines.
Thousands and thousands of other guard girls and boys had been in my place, peeking into the grand arena and watching the groups before THEM telling their stories.

While aimlessly looking around, I saw a sentence written on the wall: "You know what to do."
Of course, I immediately thought... (rather than "my head")
I would not use auto, but rather "automatic".
I couldn't resist thinking about the possibilities that had not even OCCURRED to me.
When writing numbers, you should spell them out: ten, two, three
The feeling of Dayton Arena, I now call it, (improper use of dashes)
...and I could feel it because I trusted MYSELF.
The YOUNG freshman I was...

"The little freshmen I was, it wasn't too late to engrave a new word in my heart. I walked out of the tunnel with "confidence" newly added to my list."

^This thought isn't entirely coherent. "It" wasn't too late? And what list??? Try rewording this to get the thought across better.

Take the comma out after "ago". It is unnecessary. (both times in the last paragraph)
Self doubt is not hyphenated nor is it plural.
YOUNG freshman
come back is not one word
"with different herself" is not clear. I'm not sure what you are trying to say.

StellMer

Jul 23, 2013

Writing Feedback / Teenagers and jobs paragraph - it is my blog for writing [6]

Have you forgotten to post it? if you put it up now, I'd be willing to check it.

StellMer

Jul 23, 2013

Essays / Getting nomination for Naval academy [3]

I am seeking a nomination largely because receiving this nomination would be a large step closer to a goal that I have had since I was younger.

{Insert here what that goal is. You've stated you have a goal. Now it is important to let them know this goal.}

I feel that it's not about just simply being qualified: it's about exceeding the qualifications. I feel like that is what i do as an applicant.

{How do you exceed these qualifications? Be more specific.}

{Lastly, you did not answer the last question in the prompt. Make sure to answer all of the questions. I also changed a little to fix the run-on sentences. Fix those things and I will check it out again.}

StellMer

Jul 23, 2013

Graduate / 'Awake dreams' - Applying for Physician Assistant school via CASPA [3]

"In the space provided write a brief statement expressing your motivation or desire to become a physician assistant."

Henry David Thoreau once wrote, "Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake." Thoreau played a role in one of the reasons it took me three years after graduation to start my application process for Physician Assistant school, and alas, this quote perfectly exemplifies why I am applying now. You see, I always wanted to have a career in the medical field. It was in my last two years of college that I started to question my commitment to this profession. I read Walden to help me write a paper in my ecology class, and there was just something about reading Thoreau's thoughts while living off the land and being separate from society that really struck a chord with me. That is when I decided my life needed to have a little more adventure: I spent a summer soul-searching in Montana, went on a few mission trips and I took some of the greatest courses in my undergraduate education: herpetology being my favorite. Did I want to be a physician assistant because society, my family, my academic advisor and my friends told me I should be? Or was I doing this because this is something that I was going to love doing for the rest of my life?

I chose not to apply to graduate school right away. I moved to Georgia and taught for two years all levels of science, a subject that I am very passionate about. I knew fairly quickly, however, that teaching was not my "calling". In hind sight, all of my "adventures" appeared to be more of a preparation for a life of being a physician assistant. My life experiences have shaped my values and beliefs and have motivated me to become not just a physician assistant but an influential and successful one that provides quality care to the community.

In Montana, I spent two weeks living with a physician who often made late-night house calls and was spread thin because he was a hard worker in an area of the country that was underserved. This helped me to determine what I think being a physician assistant really entails: to provide patients with the personalized care that they expect and deserve, while allowing the physician to focus on the more complex issues that require the experience and education of a physician. Doing work in the mission field, I realized that not all hospitals are created equal, and I found myself wanting to pursue a career in medicine that would eventually lead to medical missions to undeveloped parts of the world. In my most recent endeavor as a teacher I have learned to communicate to many different kinds of people, to be independent, to make quick decisions, to be personable, how to communicate negative things in a positive way, and how to effectively work with a team of individuals with a similar goal

When I dream about my perfect job, I can literally see myself being a physician assistant. There is no longer any question of what I "want to be when I grow up", there is only being, and I am so excited about the possibility to be in school again to prepare myself to truly live a life that will challenge me and put my creativity and knowledge to use. When I see myself ten years from now, I see myself as an invaluable and influential member of a team of medical professionals who are trying to improve the world around them. I see myself making connections with patients in the office and making house calls to the little couple that is incapable of driving to the clinic that day. Specifically, physician assistant is the perfect healthcare profession for me because I have a passion for medicine and healing people and the skills to effectively communicate to a team of healthcare members all while being motivated and self-driven.

It is my prayer that as you select the future students of your Physical Assistant program, my application does not become overlooked. It would be a travesty to be disqualified from something I am so adamant about pursuing.