bkim2468
Aug 18, 2013
Essays / Medical School acceptance essay; need help with draft [6]
Yeah if we could see the draft or essay, that'd be greeaaaat
Yeah if we could see the draft or essay, that'd be greeaaaat
bkim2468
Aug 18, 2013
Undergraduate / 'I feel best being with my family'. COMMON APP [3]
Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you? (650 words)
Being just seventeen years old, I have been told from a young age to be happy and enjoy these moments of youth before the hectic adult life soon occupies my life. Whether it was partying at friends' bar mitzvahs in middle school or riding roller coasters at Disneyworld, I began to miss those days of fun and carefreeness after choosing such an occupied and studious path. Today, even the shortest of vacations give me a peace of mind, from snuggling up in my bed even as my alarm continues to ring on a Sunday morning to browsing the Internet for useless gadgets that I would probably never use in my everyday life. However, the ideal place that I could describe being perfectly at peace would not be in the hospital I volunteer at or on the stage where I become sweaty and nervous. Instead, it would have to be in the safety of my family's SUV while on day-long road trips.
Ever since my sister had left for college, travelling and flying has become a rarity for my family and money had to be saved up for college payments. Then again, it does not mean I do not miss travelling any more than the next family member. In the past, almost every vacation opportunity we had, our family would pack our bags and schedule road trips to various cities. Sometimes we would visit our cousins down in Chicago and Toronto, while other times we would drive somewhere extravagant, such as Phoenix or Orlando. Sure, packing my clothes, being nagged to wake up for the big day, and the anticipation of arriving at our destination may have been a pain in the rear, but in the end, it was all worth the hassle. With my headphones plugged in playing alternative rock, I would stare outside my window and scan the horizon as lush farm fields, crystal blue lakes, and neon lit buildings would all fly past us. Even falling asleep under the sunroof was a unique feeling as I would gaze up at the puffy white clouds that would drift above our fast moving vehicle until I slowly fell into slumber.
But bear in mind, this was just half of the experience that I felt most at peace. That other half would be how I never felt more content or more connected with my family until we were all huddled in that car together for once on a 10-hour road trip. With my mother and father in the front and my sister to my side, we would constantly joke, laugh, play games, and yes, even argue. But above all, it was the experience of being with my family and having that feeling of security as I sat in the back seat, beside my family where I had found solace. So in short, the place that I am most at peace would be on these road trips to new and fascinating places, alongside the people that I hold very close, making these seemingly brief experiences and memories to last a lifetime.
Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you? (650 words)
Being just seventeen years old, I have been told from a young age to be happy and enjoy these moments of youth before the hectic adult life soon occupies my life. Whether it was partying at friends' bar mitzvahs in middle school or riding roller coasters at Disneyworld, I began to miss those days of fun and carefreeness after choosing such an occupied and studious path. Today, even the shortest of vacations give me a peace of mind, from snuggling up in my bed even as my alarm continues to ring on a Sunday morning to browsing the Internet for useless gadgets that I would probably never use in my everyday life. However, the ideal place that I could describe being perfectly at peace would not be in the hospital I volunteer at or on the stage where I become sweaty and nervous. Instead, it would have to be in the safety of my family's SUV while on day-long road trips.
Ever since my sister had left for college, travelling and flying has become a rarity for my family and money had to be saved up for college payments. Then again, it does not mean I do not miss travelling any more than the next family member. In the past, almost every vacation opportunity we had, our family would pack our bags and schedule road trips to various cities. Sometimes we would visit our cousins down in Chicago and Toronto, while other times we would drive somewhere extravagant, such as Phoenix or Orlando. Sure, packing my clothes, being nagged to wake up for the big day, and the anticipation of arriving at our destination may have been a pain in the rear, but in the end, it was all worth the hassle. With my headphones plugged in playing alternative rock, I would stare outside my window and scan the horizon as lush farm fields, crystal blue lakes, and neon lit buildings would all fly past us. Even falling asleep under the sunroof was a unique feeling as I would gaze up at the puffy white clouds that would drift above our fast moving vehicle until I slowly fell into slumber.
But bear in mind, this was just half of the experience that I felt most at peace. That other half would be how I never felt more content or more connected with my family until we were all huddled in that car together for once on a 10-hour road trip. With my mother and father in the front and my sister to my side, we would constantly joke, laugh, play games, and yes, even argue. But above all, it was the experience of being with my family and having that feeling of security as I sat in the back seat, beside my family where I had found solace. So in short, the place that I am most at peace would be on these road trips to new and fascinating places, alongside the people that I hold very close, making these seemingly brief experiences and memories to last a lifetime.
bkim2468
Aug 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / Creative artists should be given the freedom to express - 'range of limitation' [7]
Although I like the wording of this essay, I'm not sure whether this is for a college application or not. If it is, then I would advise making transitions less like a formal essay and more fluid like a narrative of some sort.
Although I like the wording of this essay, I'm not sure whether this is for a college application or not. If it is, then I would advise making transitions less like a formal essay and more fluid like a narrative of some sort.
bkim2468
Aug 18, 2013
Undergraduate / "Come see, quickly!" Common App essay on experiencing failure [3]
One thing I would say I noticed is how it was more-so telling a story for 95% of it until the last few sentences where you described it. Although that's great you're telling a story, I did like how you expressed the emotions running through you and others while working at the vet, but I would try and reinforce your points somewhere earlier in your piece so that the College admissions will be able to get to the point without becoming too bored until the end (won't know if they will find this story interesting or not). So my piece of advice would be to just reiterate your point sooner rather than saving it for the very end of your piece.
Other than that I think it's a solid essay and you'll be set.
One thing I would say I noticed is how it was more-so telling a story for 95% of it until the last few sentences where you described it. Although that's great you're telling a story, I did like how you expressed the emotions running through you and others while working at the vet, but I would try and reinforce your points somewhere earlier in your piece so that the College admissions will be able to get to the point without becoming too bored until the end (won't know if they will find this story interesting or not). So my piece of advice would be to just reiterate your point sooner rather than saving it for the very end of your piece.
Other than that I think it's a solid essay and you'll be set.
bkim2468
Aug 4, 2013
Undergraduate / I felt most at home; UNIQUE QUALITIES U MICHIGAN [6]
How does this sound? (in replace of the sentences you were confused about)
But now that I am seventeen years old and am about to go off to college, I realized that starting now, I will have to choose a career path that I will do for the rest of my life until I retire. To me, that's a terrifying proposition to make. Plans can change easily, conflicts can arise, and setbacks could keep me from progressing towards the career of my liking.
How does this sound? (in replace of the sentences you were confused about)
But now that I am seventeen years old and am about to go off to college, I realized that starting now, I will have to choose a career path that I will do for the rest of my life until I retire. To me, that's a terrifying proposition to make. Plans can change easily, conflicts can arise, and setbacks could keep me from progressing towards the career of my liking.
bkim2468
Aug 3, 2013
Undergraduate / I felt most at home; UNIQUE QUALITIES U MICHIGAN [6]
A bit stuck on what else to write about here, so any help would be greatly appreciated!
Essay #2 (Required for all applicants. 500 words maximum.)
Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?
Since elementary school, I have been asked by teachers, friends, and family about what I want to be when I grow up. Now at seventeen years old and choosing a profession that I will be doing for the next fifty years is a scary assumption to make. To name a few, plans can change easily, conflicts can arise, and setbacks could keep me from progressing towards the career of my liking. Take my mindset from several years ago. At the time, I was determined to be a cardiac or neurosurgeon, but soon I realized the stress of being a surgeon may not be suited for me. Over the course of the next few years, I began visioning other possible fields that I could see myself in, such as a teacher lecturing about biology, an astronomer observing the night sky atop Mauna Kea, or even a musician on stage in front of hundreds.
To me, this realm of unknown and ever-changing plans is why the College of Literature, Science, and the Arts appeals to me so much. The name of the school itself lists three major fields, two of which I have great interest in which are music and science, thus offering a wider variety of career paths to branch of from. So in the event that a certain profession is not the one for me, I can turn to a different field without the worry of being unsatisfied about the career that I eventually end up choosing. Because I have a variety of plans that I still have yet to sort out, I am happy to say that I believe the University of Michigan's LS&A College is the school that will best help me in both the decision and educational process of my future career. From the Big House to Ann Arbor's fantastic city life, I felt most at home when on tour here and the very moment I set foot on this beautiful campus, I knew immediately that the University of Michigan's LS&A was the college that I wanted to attend.
A bit stuck on what else to write about here, so any help would be greatly appreciated!
Essay #2 (Required for all applicants. 500 words maximum.)
Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?
Since elementary school, I have been asked by teachers, friends, and family about what I want to be when I grow up. Now at seventeen years old and choosing a profession that I will be doing for the next fifty years is a scary assumption to make. To name a few, plans can change easily, conflicts can arise, and setbacks could keep me from progressing towards the career of my liking. Take my mindset from several years ago. At the time, I was determined to be a cardiac or neurosurgeon, but soon I realized the stress of being a surgeon may not be suited for me. Over the course of the next few years, I began visioning other possible fields that I could see myself in, such as a teacher lecturing about biology, an astronomer observing the night sky atop Mauna Kea, or even a musician on stage in front of hundreds.
To me, this realm of unknown and ever-changing plans is why the College of Literature, Science, and the Arts appeals to me so much. The name of the school itself lists three major fields, two of which I have great interest in which are music and science, thus offering a wider variety of career paths to branch of from. So in the event that a certain profession is not the one for me, I can turn to a different field without the worry of being unsatisfied about the career that I eventually end up choosing. Because I have a variety of plans that I still have yet to sort out, I am happy to say that I believe the University of Michigan's LS&A College is the school that will best help me in both the decision and educational process of my future career. From the Big House to Ann Arbor's fantastic city life, I felt most at home when on tour here and the very moment I set foot on this beautiful campus, I knew immediately that the University of Michigan's LS&A was the college that I wanted to attend.
