Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by sngbm87
Joined: Aug 13, 2013
Last Post: Aug 14, 2013
Threads: -
Posts: 2  
Likes: 1
From: Philippines

Displayed posts: 2
sort: Latest first   Oldest first
sngbm87   
Aug 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] - Fatherhood implies environment provided by father to his children for their growth [8]

I don't think your essay was discriminatory. Maybe just stereotypical in thinking but for the most part you're correct on what you want to say.

Just watch the grammar on singular or plural usages as well as making sure you're not burying the lead in your paragraphs with diverting statements that lead away from the main point or expand upon stuff that's confusing. I think these IELTS Cambridge essays are limited and timed if I'm not correct? Its a hard question to answer that you're working. Not bad though but needs work on grammar and thought process.
sngbm87   
Aug 13, 2013
Undergraduate / Lifelong reward career; Nurse Practitioner program [5]

Much better. If you read your essay then you'll find a lot of grammatical errors, redundancies and sentences that are either repeated information or like you're trying too hard. The essay can actually be shortened and still get your point across. Try to have the topics flow better and play with the paragraphs and sentences more. Read it like an admissions officer would and be really hard on yourself.

Biggest thing is make sure you have proper grammar and composition organization that's concise and clear. Nurses have to be on point constantly or someone's life can be at risk. My family are all in the medicine field actually so I have an idea.

Please like my comments! I need to delete a post.