scroan
Oct 1, 2013
Undergraduate / "The team wouldn't be the same without you" - Being a part of a team! ; Common App [4]
What are some titles i could use??
What are some titles i could use??
scroan
Sep 29, 2013
Undergraduate / "The team wouldn't be the same without you" - Being a part of a team! ; Common App [4]
There I was, standing outside of the gym door, with my arm in a sling, frozen with indecision. Kate, my lacrosse teammate, was trying to convince me to come to tryouts. "Come on, it will be fun!" she said. "The team wouldn't be the same without you, you'll still be a part of varsity even if you can't play."
"Yeah, but standing alone on the sidelines watching everyone else play would just be agonizing," replied my other friend Eileen. "Why are you here? Don't you wish you could be at home right now? Coach would understand if you didn't come this season" she added.
She had a point, but I had gone to intramurals twice a week all winter.
"I'm going anyway." I said. I walked through the door, knowing if I waited any longer I would change my mind yet again. I had made a commitment to the team before I fractured my shoulder. Deep down, I wanted to be there--to keep that commitment; I couldn't give up on my team before season even started.
I came to every practice and every game for the whole season.
To keep busy during practice, I taught the new freshman how to throw and catch, awkwardly using my one good arm to demonstrate for them. Two of them had never held a stick before, so I worked with them for days, explaining drills, the different positions, encouraging them to practice at home, and not to give up. I started to bring my lacrosse bag every day. It wasn't filled with cleats and a uniform; instead it had two coats, numerous hats and gloves, and my heavy winter boots. Eileen was right--watching the games from the sidelines in the freezing cold was miserable. However, instead of regretting my decision, I learned to record statistics for the team. I followed my coach as she yelled: "Ground Ball Maggie, Save Maddy, Forced turnover Shannon." I improvised a way to hold the clipboard in the rain and still write with my one arm. As the season progressed, I was cheering not only for goals, but after great plays or passes.
As my shoulder got better, so did our team. Even so, this hurt; our team was the best it had been in years, and I wasn't out there with them scoring goals. So I focused on how much fun I had helping the girls become a cohesive team. I still felt included and important even though I couldn't be a part of the game. My favorite moments of the season were when I saw my hard work materialize out on the field, and I would recognize one of the players doing a move that I had taught them. Instead of everyone trying her individual best to score and defend, each girl learned to pay attention to where her teammates were on the field and make decisions that would help the team overall, as I encouraged them to do at practice.
Before last year's season I had been at the center of the lacrosse team. I would come home and say, "I played great." Because of my experiences off the field I now say, "We played great." My injury didn't sideline me; rather, not playing made me a much better teammate. I was even more proud when we scored a goal, made a good pass, or executed a complicated play than I would have been if I had been on the field; I could now see the entire team instead of just myself. Coaching on the sidelines taught me that in lacrosse and life, there are many roles to play, and there is more to my actions than what I individually accomplish. Being a part of a team--literally or metaphorically, as I now see it--is about how I am influenced by others and, in return, how I influence them.
There I was, standing outside of the gym door, with my arm in a sling, frozen with indecision. Kate, my lacrosse teammate, was trying to convince me to come to tryouts. "Come on, it will be fun!" she said. "The team wouldn't be the same without you, you'll still be a part of varsity even if you can't play."
"Yeah, but standing alone on the sidelines watching everyone else play would just be agonizing," replied my other friend Eileen. "Why are you here? Don't you wish you could be at home right now? Coach would understand if you didn't come this season" she added.
She had a point, but I had gone to intramurals twice a week all winter.
"I'm going anyway." I said. I walked through the door, knowing if I waited any longer I would change my mind yet again. I had made a commitment to the team before I fractured my shoulder. Deep down, I wanted to be there--to keep that commitment; I couldn't give up on my team before season even started.
I came to every practice and every game for the whole season.
To keep busy during practice, I taught the new freshman how to throw and catch, awkwardly using my one good arm to demonstrate for them. Two of them had never held a stick before, so I worked with them for days, explaining drills, the different positions, encouraging them to practice at home, and not to give up. I started to bring my lacrosse bag every day. It wasn't filled with cleats and a uniform; instead it had two coats, numerous hats and gloves, and my heavy winter boots. Eileen was right--watching the games from the sidelines in the freezing cold was miserable. However, instead of regretting my decision, I learned to record statistics for the team. I followed my coach as she yelled: "Ground Ball Maggie, Save Maddy, Forced turnover Shannon." I improvised a way to hold the clipboard in the rain and still write with my one arm. As the season progressed, I was cheering not only for goals, but after great plays or passes.
As my shoulder got better, so did our team. Even so, this hurt; our team was the best it had been in years, and I wasn't out there with them scoring goals. So I focused on how much fun I had helping the girls become a cohesive team. I still felt included and important even though I couldn't be a part of the game. My favorite moments of the season were when I saw my hard work materialize out on the field, and I would recognize one of the players doing a move that I had taught them. Instead of everyone trying her individual best to score and defend, each girl learned to pay attention to where her teammates were on the field and make decisions that would help the team overall, as I encouraged them to do at practice.
Before last year's season I had been at the center of the lacrosse team. I would come home and say, "I played great." Because of my experiences off the field I now say, "We played great." My injury didn't sideline me; rather, not playing made me a much better teammate. I was even more proud when we scored a goal, made a good pass, or executed a complicated play than I would have been if I had been on the field; I could now see the entire team instead of just myself. Coaching on the sidelines taught me that in lacrosse and life, there are many roles to play, and there is more to my actions than what I individually accomplish. Being a part of a team--literally or metaphorically, as I now see it--is about how I am influenced by others and, in return, how I influence them.
scroan
Sep 29, 2013
Undergraduate / First attention-grabbing brochure; Why Reed ? [3]
I really like your essay overall, nice examples of how you feel at school! I would advise you to revise the first paragraph and really try to show, not tell. It seems like you really like to have class discussions and interact with your your teachers, so maybe you should talk about why that helps you, and how Reed would benefit you in that sense. Also, the shift from discussing your academic and intellectual starvation to the diversity at your current school is somewhat abrupt. I would recommend you introducing that sooner. Good luck!
I really like your essay overall, nice examples of how you feel at school! I would advise you to revise the first paragraph and really try to show, not tell. It seems like you really like to have class discussions and interact with your your teachers, so maybe you should talk about why that helps you, and how Reed would benefit you in that sense. Also, the shift from discussing your academic and intellectual starvation to the diversity at your current school is somewhat abrupt. I would recommend you introducing that sooner. Good luck!
scroan
Sep 23, 2013
Undergraduate / I'm chill, smart, nice, responsible, funny and tall; University of Wisconsin Supp [4]
I made these changes to the first paragraph:
When I asked my friends to describe me, their answers were along the lines of : chill, smart, nice, responsible, funny and tall. While I take pride in being a good student and responsible individual, I definitely would not choose "chill" as an adjective to sum up my character. I understand where my friends are coming from because I am the last person to start an argument, especially just for the sake of being disagreeable. Instead of racing for the front seat of the car, I am happy to sit in the back. When playing sports I am very competitive but I never let the other team get under my skin. Although I have a relaxed personality, I think that the word chill would more aptly describe someone who has little motivation and would rather choose to do nothing than stand up to a challenge. That is not the kind of person I am.
Does that make it better? I am trying to show not tell and all that stuff but I don't know if i'm being specific enough.
I made these changes to the first paragraph:
When I asked my friends to describe me, their answers were along the lines of : chill, smart, nice, responsible, funny and tall. While I take pride in being a good student and responsible individual, I definitely would not choose "chill" as an adjective to sum up my character. I understand where my friends are coming from because I am the last person to start an argument, especially just for the sake of being disagreeable. Instead of racing for the front seat of the car, I am happy to sit in the back. When playing sports I am very competitive but I never let the other team get under my skin. Although I have a relaxed personality, I think that the word chill would more aptly describe someone who has little motivation and would rather choose to do nothing than stand up to a challenge. That is not the kind of person I am.
Does that make it better? I am trying to show not tell and all that stuff but I don't know if i'm being specific enough.
scroan
Sep 22, 2013
Undergraduate / I'm chill, smart, nice, responsible, funny and tall; University of Wisconsin Supp [4]
Here is the prompt: Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you.
When I asked my friends to describe me, I got this list in return: chill, smart, nice, responsible, funny and tall. While I take pride in being a good student and responsible individual, I definitely would not choose "chill" as an adjective to sum up my character. I understand where my friends are coming from because I am usually the last person to start an argument, especially just for the sake of being disagreeable. I rarely lose my temper, and my favorite way to approach a problem is to figure out what everyone wants and make a compromise. However, I think that the word chill would more aptly describe someone who has little motivation and would rather choose to do nothing than stand up to a challenge. That is not the kind of person I am.
I am the kind of person who read all 900 pages of The Mists of Avalon just because my sister said I wouldn't be able to get through it. I became a lifeguard and went through the hardest physical training of my life, because I was determined to get the best summer job in Evanston. When my dad promised to buy me a new ipod if I fixed the computer, to his surprise, I quickly took it apart and researched the problem until I learned how to fix it. I believe that my determination and drive to succeed goes largely unnoticed because of my easygoing and laid back personality. However, it is one of my most important traits because ambition helps me challenge myself and therefore grow as both a student and a well rounded individual.
Here is the prompt: Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you.
When I asked my friends to describe me, I got this list in return: chill, smart, nice, responsible, funny and tall. While I take pride in being a good student and responsible individual, I definitely would not choose "chill" as an adjective to sum up my character. I understand where my friends are coming from because I am usually the last person to start an argument, especially just for the sake of being disagreeable. I rarely lose my temper, and my favorite way to approach a problem is to figure out what everyone wants and make a compromise. However, I think that the word chill would more aptly describe someone who has little motivation and would rather choose to do nothing than stand up to a challenge. That is not the kind of person I am.
I am the kind of person who read all 900 pages of The Mists of Avalon just because my sister said I wouldn't be able to get through it. I became a lifeguard and went through the hardest physical training of my life, because I was determined to get the best summer job in Evanston. When my dad promised to buy me a new ipod if I fixed the computer, to his surprise, I quickly took it apart and researched the problem until I learned how to fix it. I believe that my determination and drive to succeed goes largely unnoticed because of my easygoing and laid back personality. However, it is one of my most important traits because ambition helps me challenge myself and therefore grow as both a student and a well rounded individual.
