Posts by Thuong

Thuong

Oct 21, 2009

Essays / Term paper on cross-cultural communication [4]

Hi, thanks for your suggestions. The topic "How cultural differences create misunderstanding in the classroom" really interests me.

However, the goal of cross-cultural communication course at my university is to raise student's awareness of similarities and differeces in communication across cultures through a focus on Anglicist-Vietnamese verbal and non-verbal communication. Another goal of this course is to compare and contrast English and Vietnamese languages to bring out the cultural influences on linguistics features and language use. Therefore, I think that the topic must be something that I can compare between Vietnam-my homecountry and English speaking countries. There are not many students from other countries studying in Vietnam, so researching on "misunderstanding in the classroom" is quite hard.

In spite of this, I really want to make this topic. Do you think that this topic is relavant to the goals of my course? I'm waiting for your help.

P/S. The topic about particular cultures seems to be too general and large for my graduation paper. Could you please raise the subtopic of it? Thanks a lot!

Have a nice day!^_^

Thuong

Oct 19, 2009

Essays / Term paper on cross-cultural communication [4]

Hi everybody,
I'm from Vietnam. I am going to do a graduation paper on cross-cultural communication subject. However, I have no idea about what topic I should conduct my paper on. I hope that you can provide me some suggestions for my topic.

Thanks you a bundle!

Thuong

May 8, 2009

Undergraduate / qualities that would make you a good candidate for engineering-essay [4]

Hi tjay1988,

I think that you should state more clearly your two qualities and add transitional words (or transitional sentence) between your 1st and 2nd paragraphs.

I want to make a change, create something new and solve existing problems => this sentence seems not very persuasive. It would be better if you wrote on something more specific, for ex, your story/ situation which builds up in readers' mind about your qualification. In that story, your behaviour shows who you are. Just some of my thoughts! ^^

Hi Sean,
Your usage of strong verbs is so brilliant. Can you suggest some books which we can learn about this issue or can you give out some techniques? I really appreciate that! =)

Have a wonderful day, everybody!***

Thuong

Apr 27, 2009

Essays / BCC ESSAY on my academic life and career goals - I don't know what do I wanna do in future as my job [24]

Hi, ^^
you did a good job, here are my fixes ( just my thought :D)
I think that "mystery" also conveys the meaning of something unknown, so maybe you should replace "unknown" by another adj?
Soon I found myself listening to people who didn't have any audiences but me...
...feeling more happy than they would as I saw them succeed.
I myself found a whole new world inside each person, which is much greater than the earth and the sky.
...four years passed
However, I have to confess that I still love the sky
After all, sky is still gorgeous and mysterious

Thuong

Apr 24, 2009

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Convenience food can not improve the way we live. [15]

You have a deep look into this issue, Sean. You have got a lot of ideas. However, do you think that we can write about all those things in one essay? The arguments will be very strong if all are discussed ( microware, non-stick frying pans, the worth exchanges between time and quality, etc). But a long essay is required though.

Thuong

Apr 24, 2009

Writing Feedback / " Rising divorce rate"- Cause and effect essay [9]

Hi Kevin and Sean,
I appreciate ur valuable help! ^^
I learn a lot from you. Thanks again for your time! =D

Thuong

Apr 22, 2009

Writing Feedback / " Rising divorce rate"- Cause and effect essay [9]

Hi, here is my effect part of this essay. Thank you for posting your comments!!!

With the causes mentioned above, divorce is no longer an uncommon phenomenon in our society, leading to certain negative consequences for both couples and their children.

According to the recent statistics, life quality of both men and women decreases considerably after the divorce. It is said that 50% of couples fall into poverty after they get divorced and women account for a significant number. Despite the big changes of women's roles nowadays, many of them still depend tightly on their husband for financial support; therefore, separating from their husband has the same meaning with reduction of financial supply, which makes their life earning harder. Although men's financial issue is brighter than women's for not having to support his wife any more, divorced men loose the physical and mental nourishment. There will be no one cooking for them so that after they come back from work they can enjoy warm meals with his cozy family, and there will be no one reminding him of going to bed when it is too late. It is even hard for him when he does not have a wife beside encouraging him every time he fails and congratulating him when he wins. Life is then really miserable for both men and women.

Not only the couple suffers from the divorce, their children also become the innocent victims. They loss the care and support from one of their parents who ever stays with them in a united family. They are likely to feel unsecured by the change because they do not have the protection and caring from the parents as before. Many children turn out to do badly at school and usually misbehave after their parents get divorced. To make the matter worse, the divorce does create in the children's mind the fear of the failure of marital life which badly affect their confidence and belief of life when they grow up.

In conclusion, couples should only think of divorce as a final solution after they have considered carefully the pros and cons that it may bring about for their life and their children. The fewer couples get divorced, the more children can benefit from their parents.

Thuong

Apr 21, 2009

Writing Feedback / " Rising divorce rate"- Cause and effect essay [9]

Hi all, thanks for all your valuable help! ^^
It's a great idea to add statistics to illustrate my points, Stefanie. You suggested family values and attitude towards marriage, but I think that "faithlessness" has the meaning of declining family values because couples now do not have responsible attitude to their marrige as before.

At first, I used the phrase "modern life" but it seemed to be too general. However, you all see that the 3rd reason is not convincing, so surely I will replace it or can I only give 2 reasons for this? Sometimes, I'm not so sure about whether it is obligatory to cover all possible causes. In every paragraph and essays, I always try to figure out three supporting things because I think that the number three seems to be reasonable and sufficient.

Hi Kevin, I think that marriage is a traditional custom, not a religious ritual. Thus, when you said about the deciling practice of religion, I have no idea for this. Most of people in my country have no religion, but we still celebrate weddings. Maybe marriage is traced back to religion from long time ago? If marriage is a religious ritual, I will support for this cause to make my writing more interesting because hardly people can think of it.:)

Hi Sean, " the effect of media portrayals of romance" is a great idea. But I think that it a little bit overlaps the cause "faithlessness". Writing about this, I did think that the more couples idealize their love, the more they disappoint about each other => want to find another soulmate => adultery => rising divorce rate.

And my sentence "The feeling of first passion soon leaves when spouses together undergo difficulties of the family life" expresses this, to some extent. But my friends said that this sentence is very weak. So, should I replace the 2nd reason by the effect of media portrays of romance? or should I write another paragraph for it?

oh, no, now I think that my para should be: the effect of media => idealized love => disappointment => divorce. Should it be like that?

Another question, I always find it difficult to give examples because I can hardly find out any examples from my experiences. Should I creat an example which can go with arguments? or should I take stories of well- known people as examples? In this particular essay, which one would you recommend?

By the way, I need help from you all for this :"how to avoid the overlap among points in a para and an essay?". Overlapping is an obstacle to me. It's hard to make ideas parallel.

Cheers,

Thuong

Apr 20, 2009

Writing Feedback / " Rising divorce rate"- Cause and effect essay [9]

Write an essay on Causes and effects of rising divorce rate.
Here is the first part (the causes) of my essay. Please give me comments! I found it very difficult to give examples to illustrate my points in body paragraphs of this essay. Can you suggest me something? :D

The 21st century witnesses the striking increase in the divorce rate. More and more spouses choose divorce as a way to escape from obstacles in family life. The reasons for the rising divorce rate fall into three main categories: changes in women's roles, faithlessness of spouses and pressure from idustrialized life.

Firstly, women's changing role in society is the most noticeable cause. In the past, women spent most of their time at home doing housework, taking care of their children and husband. Meanwhile, men were considered to be the bread-winners. Therefore, women had to depend financially on men. Now women's roles have been changing significantly. They attain the equality with men by being well- educated and energetic in social work. Both sexes have the same chances in earning money as long as they are qualified. It is the fact that women now can put an end to an unhappy marriage, which was impossible in the past. This is followed by the remarkable speed in the divorce rate.

The second reason for this issue is the faithlessness. With the hectic pace of life, many couples come to marriage easily without understanding well about their partners. The feeling of first passion soon leaves when spouses together undergo difficulties of the family life. As a result, adultery is unavoidable. Quarrels ensuing from that are signals of a broken relationship. Then it is no doubt that infidelity annuls marriages.

Finally, pressure from industrialized life partially causes divorces. With the development of technology, some jobs are done more effectively and productively by machines than by manual labor. This brings about unemployment among those who are not very high- qualified. Losing jobs along with escalating costs build up high pressure on spouses. Tiredness and exhaustion in work prevent them from maintaining a joyful marriage. At that time, conflicts are seen more frequently. When the endurance reaches its climax, there is no way to save the matrimony. Divorce is the solution.

Thuong

Apr 17, 2009

Writing Feedback / Career, exploration, travel, home - check these paragaphs [11]

Oh, maybe we are being taught in a different way here. We always write things in the order they are to be received. The introduction paragraph first, the supporting para next, and the conclusion para last.

However, in this assignment, my teacher required us to write the intro and conclusion paras before learning more about writing the body part of the essay (the supporting paras). I will try to write supporting paras first and intro and conclusion last as you suggested to see how it works.

Many thanks!!!! =)

Thuong

Apr 16, 2009

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Convenience food can not improve the way we live. [15]

Hi, =) it's not me who choose those words. I just visited the website go-quiz.com/acronym/acronym.php to check out what the meaning of a proper name is :)

If you like, you can visit that site and see what it will say about your name. All the names will get adjectives with positive meanings

Surely we can meet on YM. see u!

Thuong

Apr 16, 2009

Writing Feedback / Career, exploration, travel, home - check these paragaphs [11]

Thank you for your help, Kevin =D
This is my assignment in my writing class. We are learning about essays and we practice with writing intro and conclusion paragraph of an essay first!

Thanks again!

Thuong

Apr 16, 2009

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Convenience food can not improve the way we live. [15]

Hi Enel,
yes, you are right! I'm from Vietnam

V = Valiant
I = Influential
E = Exciting
T = Trustworthy

N = Neat
A = Awesome
M = Mesmerizing

^________^

have a nice day!

Thuong

Apr 16, 2009

Undergraduate / "higher Math and Science courses" - UCF Essay (bump in the road; why UCF) [4]

Hi Zxcvbnm! =D
In my view, you did a very good job! Your writing is logical and coherent. I like it very much!^^
I just see some simple mistakes:
"Then I got in a class is total different from I thought" => I think you should put "which" after "a class"

"Also, they had already started about two month" => two months
"The reason is I didn't want" => I think that past tense is required in this sentence, so it should be " The reason was that..."

"Also, I am not willing to be left behinds others" => "... lagged behind others" might be better

"I concentrated to study what the teachers taught in class" => "...concentrated on studying..."

"Time passes so fast" => should be "passed". However, you can use "go by" instead ( to avoid the repetition because you use the word "pass" the second time in the next sentence)

Wish you luck! :)

Ah, one thing more, I don't think that "small" can collocate with "obstacle". But I don't know which word is suitable here

Thuong

Apr 15, 2009

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Convenience food can not improve the way we live. [15]

Hi,
I don't think that the word "while" can go right after "however". If I were you, I would reword it: "Although it is undeniable that these kinds of food are convenient, we should consider pertinently the other side of this issue"

"In my view, this convinience is just a short-term benefit" => "convenience"

"At first sight, foods those are easier to prepare have generated a big advantage" => "those" should be "which"

" That is those" => a grammatical mistake ( in my opinion)

"potentially nagetive affects" => negative

Actually, the sentences in this para ( the para "at first sight...") are quite wordy. You wrote about saving time in two sentences, so I saw the repetition here. How about "Cooking them save us a great amount of time, therefore we can do other important things"

"The most remarkable affect" => "effect"

"will be more declined" => "will decline". However, I think that using the noun phrase "the gradual declining health" as a subject is better.

"Firstly, to take canned food and frozen food as examples of kind of food that's easy to prepare" => I don't see the subject of this sentence. It should be: "Firstly, canned and frozen food are taken as examples of easy-to-prepare foods"

"Canned food and frozen food are not good for health as fresh food" => "...not as good for health as..."

"It's because fresh food arrives at your table with its appearance largely unchanged, and its nutrients-including fiber content-intact" => should be "... with its largely unchanged appearance and..." because you are using nouns after "with". But I don't see your point here.

"While canned foods are notorious for being higher in added salt and sugar, and frozen meals are known for the additives they often require" => there is no sentence structure " while + clause, and + clause". It should be "While +clause 1, clause 2" and these two clauses must have opposite meanings.

"leads to people do not care about cooking"=> I think that "lead to + a noun/ noun phrase" and if you want to put a clause after "lead to", the phrase "the fact that" will be required. In this case, I will write " leads to I- don't-care view on cooking" or "leads to the fact that people do not care much about cooking"

"...the more affect on their health" => "...the more their health will be harmed/ ruined/damaged"

"how easily we can prepare food" => "...convenience food" would be more specific

"it is necessary to prepare our food as well as possible" => "...to cook fresh food as frequently as possible"

Those things are some of my ideas on your piece of writing. Hope that they can help!
Cheers,
^_^

Thuong

Apr 15, 2009

Writing Feedback / Career, exploration, travel, home - check these paragaphs [11]

Hi everybody,
Here are my introduction and conclusion paragraphs of four topics and I would like you to check and give comments on them. I appreciate all your comments. I'm excited to receive your replies soon!^_^

1. Choosing a carrer:
With the speedy development of economics nowadays, the world of work is changing and more demanding. Therefore, jobseekers need to adapt to these changes and approach a suitable job. Here come three fundamental qualifications to get a good job: good time management, flexibility and teamwork skills.

In conclusion, jobseekers will have more chance to get a good job if each can reach the requirement in terms of time management, flexibility and teamwork skills. It is advised that those social skills be formed during university time as initial steps in one's career.

2. Space exploration:
Human beings are experiencing a rapid development of science and technology. It is agreed that space exploration, which attracts a lot of leading scientists' attention in global scale, brings enormous benefits for human race. In a closer look, the knowledge gained from the exploration of space has created innovative technology and contributed to a safer environment.

To conclude, substantial benefits from exploring space in technology and environment are undeniable. It is hoped that thanks to space exploration mankind can not only raise the living standards on earth but also find out new planet to settle in.

3. Foreign travel:
The higher standards of living in the current society leads to the increasing demands for entertainment. In these days, people tend to choose travelling, especially foreign travel for the fact that they will be able to both enjoy natural beauty spots and learn various cultures of nations in the world. However, troubles in terms of expenses, security and health during foreign travel should be paid more attention by tourists to have a holiday as expected.

In summary, foreign tourists should not only prepare well for money but also look into security matter and healthcare service in the target countries in advance. It is time for travel agencies to give appropriate policies to protect tourists' rights so that they can bring their best national image to the world.

4. Leaving home:
Today, people tend to leave home at their earlier stage of life than in the past. It is believed that leaving home is one of the most important decisions one person will ever make in his/ her life. When it comes to reasons of leaving home in the youth, three main categories are seen: to work or study in another town, to live with a partner and to escape from broken relationships with parents.

To summarize, it is seen that more and more young people leave home for different reasons. No matter what the reasons are, they should prepare well to cope with difficulties when leading an independent life.