Undergraduate / DEALING WITH OTHERS: tell us about a personal quality, talent, contribution, or experience [3]

Please help.!!! Here's my first draft. It's kinda random, but ties in at the end. Any suggestions to improve. I would greatly appreciate some criticism/feedback. Or please help me with a strong beginning, because its kind of awkward.

2. Tell us about a personal quality, talent, or contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I loved reading Japanese comics involving some kind of love rivalry or fight against bullies. I've witnessed tears over break ups and heard of the betrayal situation happening between my friends, but I've never actually been involved with any drama in my life or anyone else's. I wasn't sure if it was due to my ignorance, unconcern, or carefree lifestyle. So I decided to test this out. It clearly seemed to me that I just didn't care and showed unconcern about people's troubles. But even when I did showed concern, I still wasn't involved in these break up or fighting dramas. It was only until I experienced my own drama that I realized the secret to avoiding social problems and began to understand more of myself as a person.

In my sophomore year, I was part of the varsity volleyball team. At the end of the season we had suffered tremendous defeat, compared to last year's undefeated champions. Our problem was that we didn't trust each other, which resulted in teamwork problems. We decided to hold a team bonding session to work out our differences. At the beginning of the meeting I stayed quiet and listened to others complaints. I was shy and refused to voice out my opinions. Some people were angry at each other, some thought that there was too much criticism involved, and others were frustrated with theirselves. Although i was scared of being judged or looked down upon for being weird, I don't know why but at that moment I thought it was a good Idea to just vent out all my frustrations. Maybe they would understand me or maybe they won't, i thought. So, I just let it all go. I started with my confusion as which person would receive the ball and ended with my frustrations as a middle hitter in general. At the end of my rant, all I remember was that there were tears flowing down my face and my teammates' depressed faces had changed to laughing ones. The tears I had were not due to sadness or regret; they were tears of joy from being able to expressing my feelings and other accepting them with laughs of understanding. The dark aura of discomfort and sadness I felt in the beginning of the meeting, had vanished and had been replaced with the feeling of relief and happiness. The year after we became more open to each other and eventually won a league championship banner of ourselves.

So, I have come to the conclusion, along with the results of this volleyball drama and my knowledge in romance movies, shoujo mangas, and Korean dramas, that the secret to solving relationship problems, is through communication. During the volleyball games, we hadn't communicated correctly and misunderstandings caused us to lose the ball game. I realized that I hadn't been effectively communicating my feelings to my teammates, shying away and suppressing my emotions from fear of judgement from the older and more experienced teammates. This is also the reason I was involved in the drama in the first place. I hadn't openly expressed my opinions from the start.

After that incident I learned much more about myself and how I am with dealing with others. I never actually intentionally realized this trait of mine. This straightforward part of myself, makes me who I am. I try to be as honest as I can to avoid misunderstandings. I Openly express my opinions and engage in class activities by asking questions. I am honest with myself and others, which has won the trust of my friends and acquaintances. This trait pushed me from the shy introvert I could have been to the gregarious person I am today.

Undergraduate / Beep! Beep! Beep!; Describe the world you come from- school [2]

This is my first draft for my college essay... Is it good? Should I add something more to it? Cut out some words? It's over 500 words so I might need to shorten some things. Please review and help!

Beep! Beep! Beep!!! It's 6:30 AM. I jump out of bed, hit the snooze button, put my uniform on, prepare my gym bag, eat my breakfast, study for Economics, brush my teeth, grab my lunch, and head to school. Upon my entrance into lab, the teacher passes out the handouts, and we observe mitosis using light microscopes. Next, I help finish the group poster for bible class, self-study Spanish 2, and touch-up on last night's reading for biology. Afterwards, I finish my daily Economics quiz, review for the upcoming Biology test, and head over to the gym for Chapel. After Chapel is lunch, where I discuss the upcoming activities in the class officer meeting, pick up the USB for yearbook, and check up on my robotics project. Then I showcase my presentation in English, and finish putting the final touches on my ceramics project. I rush to the gym and practice volleyball for tomorrow's away game. I finally make it home, shower, eat dinner, and finish homework. It's 1:00 AM, and time to sleep.

My world consists of a vigorous daily school schedule. It's hectic. It's challenging. It's fun. Some of my friends would think this schedule is too burdensome; I think otherwise. Reflecting on the world I live in, I have realized that the determination that has driven me to achieve all that I have these past years, couldn't have been motivated by just a drive to ace my way through high school and well-rounding my background just to get into a top university. My determination to excel in everything I do arises from my desire to learn, my love to learn. Getting good grades is just a bonus. This mentality/factor gets me through even the most stressful of days.

Time is limited, and knowledge is infinite. Every minute I spend in school, I spend learning something new. The experience and skills that I learn every single day contribute to the development of my mind and values. Today, I learned that one out of eight women is diagnosed with breast cancer and the proper way of making a vase. Yesterday, I learned that every missed serve in volleyball is a crucial factor needed to win the game, and that Adventists had similar views to that of atheists. When I learn a new science concept or make a new friend, I can't help but smile at what I've accomplished at only a short time spent at school.

Through my experience in school I've gained more than just intellectual knowledge. I've gained irreplaceable memories, friends, and a God I can trust in. I've gained confidence, self-awareness, time-management, a good study plan, networking skills, and an optimistic outlook on life. College has a much broader and diverse variety of peoples, majors, and activities. I am prepared to tackle on the any challenge college life will push my way. College is a place of opportunity. And I am excited for the next year's fall semester, because I know that the new knowledge I will obtain will broaden my perspective further and help me build a solid path to a successful future.